The Champion and The Pariah
by ChaseingTheWind
Summary: While a young Dalish mage walks with her keeper to confront a malevolent spirit, Hawke must fight for her life to escape her town of Lothering. This story spans all three acts of Dragon age. Eventual F!Hawke/Merrill
1. Page 1

Authors** Note:** I am new to writing fan fiction - so please be gentle! I decided to play DA2 again while waiting for DA Inquisition( Going to get it for my birthday - in just a week!). But from what I hear, I might wanna wait until some patches are out. Anyways I decided to write this in correlation to my progress on DA2 - but I promise I will keep updating regularly although I am a bit behind in comparison to where I am in DA2 so i have alot of catch up to do!

Note:

01/09/15 - I am going back through the chapters and creating things. I do not think I did a good job with Merrill on chapters 1 - 3. This needs to be fixed

**Disclaimer:** Bioware and EA owns all

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><p><strong>Merrill's pride<strong>

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><p>Fierce and unforgiving, Sundermount rose in the distance. A young Dalish elf felt the sharp edge of stone eat at the pads of her feet. There was a heaviness here, the type that bears down on your chest leaving you breathless at times. The elf moved closer to the mountain edge, her breath quickening with every step. The dark sky all around her acted as a sort of canopy, the full moon above, its only light.<p>

Icy teeth crawled up her spine as she looked around her. She was closer to the mountain, but it still felt as she still had miles to go. _How peculiar_, she thought, _I don't find this mountain fascinating, not really. _Yet, she still kept her pace, walking towards the base of the mountain. Little pinpricks traveled up and down her neck, spreading through her spine. She was being watched. She turned around quickly, but only darkness greeted her. She quickened her step, wrapping her arms around herself. _Just need to get to the edge. _An echo of a whisper rings within her ears. She heard words, but didn't really hear them. Someone or something was speaking directly to her mind, and she did not like that one bit!

_Come to me!_

She shuttered. She really shouldn't respond. The keeper would think her foolish to follow a voice in her head, not to mention she had no idea where it wanted her to go.

"Where?" she cried out, as if her voice would make the voice in her mind more tangible.

She look around, awaiting a reply. There was none. The air felt stale, and the scent of wrongness filled her nostrils. It was the smell of rotting meat and blood at the same time. It was ghastly, and it made her stomach turn.

Suddenly, She was not facing Sundermount. She was facing a cave, the mouth of it open, hungry for something. _How did I get here?_ She felt confused, disoriented. Her head spun, and she darted her eyes left to right. Something wasn't right. This was wrong. All wrong. She then remembered, she had been asleep.

_I was asleep. This is not real. Fade._

Some were born of magic, trained by the keepers to understand the fade. This awareness attracted darker creatures. She was born of magic, and she needed to be vigilant. T_he keeper will be angry_, she thought. It had taken her to long for her to realize where she was. She tilted her head, looking back to the cave. A cave within her dreams? Caves are full of rocks, not at all comfortable. This dream was not a happy dream! _How strange_! A dark spooky cave in her dreams, why would she manifest this?

Ahead, only darkness resided. Heaviness bore down on her in greater force now. Before she could stop herself, she began stepping into the mouth of the cave.

_Come to me . . ._

"Where?" she said, her voice echoing along the walls.

She passed stone walls that had weathered so many centuries. There were strange colors and markings on the rocks, but she could not make it out. She felt the inclination to touch the stones, but her pace would not allow for this. Her feet carried her forward.

The end of her hike lay just ahead, so close to the entrance. The cave's walls changed, strange ruins forming at the surface, pertrified in its old age. Towards the center, a couple of stone barely kept together by the ravages of time, formed a crude temple. In the center of the temple stood a hideous idol - its arms stretching out as if reaching to her. She took a step closer, her right hand reaching out of its own accord. A feeling of cold, piercing her hands, gripping her. She gasped, losing her breath in her terror.

_Save me!_

The voice resonating within her mind grew desperate. Her heart felt empty as if a gaping hole was replacing any life that dwelled within. It hurt. She wanted to curl in the fetal position, squeezing her chest to her legs, anything to take that pain away. Her legs gave out, collapsing to the stone floor. The stone was raw, digging into any flesh it touched. She curled up, hugging herself like an infant. Emotions, differing in their intensity, knocked the wind out of her. Whispers slammed into her, feeding her its agony. Grief. An eternity of dark prison. Time itself had no meaning, just endless darkness. Darkness. Blood. Death.

_No creature deserved this!_

_Alone, betrayed, unloved. _

She cried out, the loneliness overwhelmed her. Desolation. Void. Barren. It hurt.

She saw herself as a child, reaching out for her mother, tears pouring from her eyes. Her mother turned her back and walked away. She pulled her legs tighter to her chest, shaking her head in defiance. _No. No. She cannot think about this. No._

_Free me._

"How, how!" she breathed, her voice raspy.

Fear. Terror. A creature was trapped within the idol, dark words anchoring its fate. No one deserved this. No one! So many years of isolation. So many years of screaming only to that find her cries were unheard, unanswered.

Alone.

The keeper! She had to get the keeper! She would know what to do. She turned her head right to left, the lids of her eyes heating.

Horror.

Stone lazily crept into the heels of her feet, crushing her. She screamed. She felt paralyzed, her eyes opening wide, blinking. She tried to roll over, to move, but the stone had already slithered up her legs, cutting into the flesh with piercing cold. Pain. So much pain. She screamed, her arms frantically stretching out, nails digging into the stone.

_Free us! You who have joined our fate!_

Stone inched its way above her legs towards her hips, creeping slowly to her abdomen. She shook her head, her body twisted, clenching her teeth. The stone made it past her chest, and she found breathing impossible. Her lungs refused to work, her face burned. Wide eyed, her mouth openedin a soundless scream. She felt the stone pressing into her shoulders. It crawled down her arms, stretching to each finger. Tears trailed down her cheeks, dripping to the floor. The stone slithered up her neck, sealed her lips, climbing upwards.

_Creators, help me!_

_Will I die here?_

"You will not die," came a whisper, into her unsealed ears. "here. Death would have been welcome, but even that was taken from me."

She squeezed her eyes shut as darkness covered her eyes. She couldn't smell. She couldn't see. She couldn't taste. She couldn't move.

_They did this to me? Please release me from this prison._

The passage of time crawled, light drifiting in and out the mouth of the cave. Somehow she had knowledge of its passage, shadowy images piercing her mind, showing her the days and the nights. Endlessly.

It grew dark, blackened even. There was no light, nothing. And then, suddenly there was light in the room. She saw her keeper as if she floated above her, staring. Another idol now lay before the first idol, arms stretching out, as if trying to crawl their way out. The idol's mouth was opened in a wordless cry.


	2. Page 2

**Author's Note:** I am redoing some of the earlier chapters. Wasn't happy with them. Hmm, I still am not happy with this one.

**Disclaimer: **Bioware and EA owns all

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><p>The last remnants of sleep clung to Merrill, trembling in her fear. Her hands clawed away at her blankets, knuckles turning white. Sweat dripped from her brow as she thrashed around, whispering the same word over and over.<p>

_No!_

"Da'len," called a calm soothing voice. "it's okay, it was just a dream"

Keeper Marethari put a gentle hand on her first's shoulder. The keeper's shimmering green eyes softened as she took in Merrill's appearance. She cupped Merrill's chin, looking in Merrill's wide light green eyes. Merrill did not respond, staring unfocused at the walls of the aravel they shared, her shoulders stiff.

"Da'len, you are safe. It was just a dream. Nothing will harm you," the keeper said softly.

Merrill's eyes finally shot up to the keeper's. Her normally clear eyes looked troubled, her heart beating rapidly. She hugged her knees with her arms, taking a deep intake of breath. The keeper drew back her hand and rested it upon Merrill's shoulder. The keeper might say it was safe, but Merrill did not enjoy having dreams about spooky statues in the middle of some dark wet cave up in these dreary mountains. No, she didn't like it one bit!

Merrill drew her hands together, playing with her fingers. "It was just a bad dream."

The keeper considered her a moment, her brows drawing forward in thought. Finally, she seemed to make a decision. "Da'len, tell me of this dream. You always suffer this nightmare."

Merrill's shot eyes back to the keeper, her lips gaping. Her mouth opened, but no words came out. She blinked.

Merrill's shoulders stiffened. "How could you know?"

"Because, you talk in your sleep," the keeper said, as if that was the most obvious of answers. "Go on, tell me of this dream"

Merrill sighed, her gaze darting everywhere but at the keeper. "Keeper, the dream felt so real. I... I did not feel the fade as I normally do. It..it was as if I was really there. I could not control it. It was cold and there were so many rocks. Of course there were rocks because I was up in the mountains, but you know I do not like walking where there is so many stones because it cuts into my feet, and then my feet always begin to ache. And I really don't like -"

The keeper arched a brow. "Da'len."

Merrill's eyes widened, heat rose on her cheeks. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm talking to much again."

The keeper sighed, waving a hand. "Go on, da'len. What happened next?"

Merrill drew her eyes to the floor, her tone soft. "I . . I didn't know I was in the dream, like I said before. I found myself in a cave, and there was a idol there, and it seemed a spirit was trapped inside," Merrill looked at the keeper, her brows scrunched together. "The spirit was trapped, keeper! It was in such pain, well if a spirit can even feel pain. This spirit seemed sad though, and in pain. So maybe-"

The keeper held a hand up, and Merrill instantly shut her mouth. She glanced at the keeper before her eyes darted to the wall. She felt her heart rate increasing. She didn't have any control in the fade. Why was that? That should never be! It never happened before! She felt the blood leave her face as realization suddenly dawned on her. If she didn't know she was in the fade; if she did not know she was dreaming, could one of the spirits have taken control of her?

"Keeper, what if one of the spirits took me?" Merrill whispered, her voice coming out so softly, the keeper almost missed the words.

"No, Da'len, you are still yourself," the keeper smiled, her eyes almost sparking with amusement.

"Keeper, how could you know? I did not have control. I could be.." her voice caught as she tried to complete her sentence, "an abomination"

"Oh, Da'len, do you not attend to what I have taught you? An abomination would not be able to contain its nature. You would have turned on your clan long before." the keeper said, smoothing Merrill's chestnut brown hair.

Merrill's shot eyes back to the keeper, startled by that admission. She felt relief, but her heart still thundered in her chest. Her grip on her knees increased, pulling her knees even closer to her chest. Her eyes took a far away cast, and she drew her eyes back to the wall. She took deep calming breaths, trying to concentrate on anything, but her own terrors. The keeper would just admonish her if she lost control, she thought, almost bristling at the thought. Merrill withdrew her hands from her knees and forced them to her sides, her hands still gripped in fists.

__It will not help me if she sees me hugging my knees like an infant! Although, it might not even phase her, as she insists on calling me da'len___!_

"Is that all, Merrill?" the keeper asked, leaning forward.

Merrill eyes dart back at the keeper. The keeper normally never calls her by her name! The momentary shock distracts her, her mouth falling open.

"Merrill.."

Merrill exhales, and continues her story, glossing over the parts so she could quickly put the memories behind her. "Well basically the dream had a lot of whispering. It kept asking me to free it. And there was an idol, and I couldn't stop myself. My hand reached out and touched the idol. The next thing I knew, my body was entombed in a rocky enclosure. I then woke up as you just saw," Merrill took, taking another deep breath.

"I see, da'len. Pack your bags, we will be traveling up Sundermount to discover the intent of this spirit. Do not dawdle, we must move quickly." the keeper commanded, turning her stern eyes to their packs.

Merrill picked herself up and gathered up her pack. She placed a few essential rations, pack clothes and other things. She never knew if she would end up staying somewhere over night so it was best to be prepared.

Merrill stumbled behind the keeper, tripping off the entrance to their aravel, nearly falling atop Marethari.

"Oooh, I'm sorry I -" Merrill stammered.

The keeper remained quiet, eyes capturing hers in a reproachful look. The keeper grabbed both of their staffs, as Merrill forgot to grab hers yet again, and held it out. Merrill took her staff, eyes down cast.

Together, they made the trek up Sundermount.


	3. Page 3

**Author's Note: **I cannot seem to make the _italics _work in my favor. I wish I could create a lighter color. Oh well, I will just add a horizontal line for those sequences

Anyways, got a bit impatient with this chapter. Sorry in advance =/

**Disclaimer**: Bioware and EA owns all

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><p>Merrill followed the keeper, eyes to the ground, lest she stumble again. She always seemed to stumble or trip in the oddest of situations. After some time, she finally lifted her eyes to take note of her surroundings. The area was quite beautiful, if she looked down to the valleys, she could see the grassy hilltops with its host of green pines. Green, she loves the color green! She closed her eyes and took in the smell of the fresh mountain air, its chill touch starting to work its way into her bones.<p>

"I should have worn something for the chill. Why didn't I remember?" she grumbled, drawing her arms together.

"Da'len, is something wrong?" the keeper asked, looking back at her.

"No, keeper, nothing is wrong. Nothing is wrong at all," she said. "It is just cold, and damp, and cold"

The keeper gave her a knowing look, nodded, and continued her trek up the mountain path.

They passed some stone pillars, and Merrill paused to glance at them. She started to walk towards one, staring in avid curiosity.

"Merrill, these are remnants of the Arlathan," the keeper lectured, eyes straight ahead. "There was once a great battle fought between the Arlathan and the Tevinter. To this day, the dead haunts these paths"

Merrill shivered, looking wide-eyed around her. She had never seen a ghost before. It might be very exciting. _Would the ghosts attack us? If so, how very thrilling_! A small smile fell on her lips, and she hurried to keep up with the keeper.

"Are these the dead that would attack us, or are they just ghosts?" asked Merrill.

"These are the dead that could attack. Keep your wits about you, da'len", the keeper said, looking back sternly.

"Yes, Keeper," replied Merrill, looking back at the stone pillars they just passed. Oh she wished she had touched one of them, they might have been so rough, but the keeper would not have liked that at all.

Hours passed, and Merrill felt exhausted. The sun was directly overhead, and Merrill's stomach alerted her to that fact. She looked up at the keeper who made no move to stop. Merrill paused and considered asking. Her stomach forced the decision.

"Keeper, can we stop. I do not think we even had breakfast before we left," called out Merrill, realizing the truth of her words as another grumble came from her stomach.

"Ah, yes. We should stop. Lets stop briefly. We must make haste," replied the keeper reaching in her packs.

Merrill reached into her pack and brought out some dried meat. She really hated eating it, it had such a dull taste. She preferred all sorts of fruit, but she would have to be content with these meager offerings. _And bread_, she thought to herself, _always the same boring bread, dried meat, and water in these outdoor 'adventures'_.

The keeper did not give time to dally long, she picked up her staff and began walking. hurriedly, Merrill rose to keep up with her. It would not bode well if she were left behind! In addition, the keeper did seem in a hurry so she might leave her behind just to teach her a lesson!

"_They left me here. They abandoned me_," whispered a voice from her memory.

Merrill shivered, flashbacks of the dream rushing back to her. She looked to the ground as a frown fell on her lips. _Abandoned_. She knew what abandonment felt like. She was only a child when she was given to the Sabrae clan. She had slight flashes from the time before the Sabre clan. One memory, however, refused to fade.

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><p><em>"Mamae! Mamae!" cried the child, arms reaching out to her parents.<em>

_Her parents remained in stony silence, as an older woman took her hand and walked her away. The child looked back at her parents, tears streaming in torrents down her chubby cheeks._

_"Mamae!" it seemed the only word the child knew._

_The child kicked, tried to drop herself to the ground, but the stranger was stronger. Flames erupted from the aravel nearby, the energy starting to build, matching the fury of the child._

_The child's mother turned her head at this, her head buried in her hands. The flames started climbing higher, smoke billowing out. The stranger's hand reached out, and the fire started to die._

_"Ahhhrhhhh!" cried the child, arms still stretched out for her mother. _

_Her mother never came. _

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><p>Merrill blocked out the loneliness that her sudden memory invoked. She would not think about it, could not think about it. Just as quickly, memories of Lyna and Tamlen came to the forefront of her mind. Lyna and Tamlen had been her only real friends. She tried to block that out as well. <em>I failed her<em>, she thought bitterly. No, she would not think about them. She couldn't. She straightened her shoulders and walked ahead, keeping her past behind her, for now.

They kept a steady pace as a few hours passed. They saw more ruins, collapsed and forgotten by the hands of time. Suddenly, the greenery around them gave way to stoney terrain. This place felt barren - empty. Nothing grew here, no animals sung here, it just felt wrong. Merrill's pace increased so that she was closer to the keeper's back. Her hands clenched the handle of her staff, the knuckles white.

"It appears we are near, da'len. Look ahead," whispered the keeper.

Merrill looked ahead and saw an opening in fall right wall. She walked ahead guardedly. The cave entrance held only darkness, not even the sun light seemed to penetrate it. Merrill remembered this from her dream, and shivered. She looked up to the keeper, her eyes wide. The keeper only stared straight ahead, her face - a resolute mask.

"Come da'len, stay close," called the keeper.

Merrill hestitated for a moment, watching as the keeper seemed to be swallowed by the darkness. She did not like the feel of this cavern at all. It was not natural here, she felt sorry for the entity. Being forced to live in this place would be sad indeed. Finally, she shook her head from her reveries, and took a step forward.

Following closely behind, eyes moving anxiously side to side, Merrill stepped through the entrance as well. The keeper whispered something under her breath, and a shining light enveloped the cavern from atop her staff. Merrill felt a small measure of comfort for the light. The dream, it would have no hold on her.

She walked past walls of stones, distinct markings its face. The colors faded with time, but still had the dim colors of gray. Curiously, she reached out to touch the sides when the keeper cleared her throat. She snapped her eyes to the keeper, and faced a disapproving stare. She quickly retracted her hands, and followed behind once again. As the stone caverns gave way to aged pillars, the whispers assailed her again.

"_Come_," called out a raspy voice. "_I await_"

Merrill looked up at the keeper, but her back was to her. Did the keeper hear this? She took another step forward.

"_Darkness, freedom from the darkness_"

Merrill took another step forward.

"_Freedom ... destroy this prison_"

Shocked, Merrill looked around the room. They were alone in this cavern, just the keeper and herself.

"Keeper?" Merrill asked, stepping closer.

"Yes, da'len, I hear it. We must move forward," the keeper said.

They continued to pass crumbling pillars and other structures, the damp air clinging to their skin. At the end, a larger room greeted them. There, within the center of the room stood stone idol of a grotesque figurine, guarded by stone pillars. Merrill stepped quickly away, eyes looking at that idol with caution.

"Who are you, " called out the keeper, her voice ringing with authority.

"_Freedom_"

"Tell me who you are, " the keeper demanded sternly.

"_I am a fading memory of this place_, " called out the voice, cryptically.

"Tell me who you are, or we shall leave you here, " challenged the keeper, her tone reproachful.

"_I am Audacity_", whispered the entity.

"Da'len, come. This" the keeper said, a look of disgust forming on her lips with her next words, "_demon_ will not harm the clan. The idol keeps it trapped. I will cast protection upon our dreams. Come"

Merrill looked at the idol, uncertainty shadowing her eyes. She looked back at the keeper, seeing she had already moved some distance away.

"_Wait! Free me, and I will leave this place. I can show you things your kind has forgotten!_" cried the voice.

The keeper did not even acknowledge the demon's call. She walked straight ahead with her head held high, her task completed. She would not waste another thought on this _thing_. Merrill, however, looked back, gazing at the idol intently.

"_You, I know what you most desire. I can bring **him **back. I can show you how to fix the Eluvian. I can help you build it again," whispered the entity. "I will help you build it again_"

Merrill looked back at the keeper and saw her moving farther away. This was a demon, she could not trust it. Yet, he said if freed, he would leave this place. Where would he go though? He said he could help her build it. He said he could save _him__. _If he could be saved, shouldn't she try? If he could be saved, would Lyna come back? Merrill slowly turned from the idol and ran after the keeper. She shook her head with uncertainty. For now, she would trail behind the keeper. She would think on this tonight. That would have to be enough.

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><p>When Merrill arrived back to camp, the keeper had already departed. It was dark now, the sun leaving the sky completely. Merrill got a quick bite to eat, and went to her bed roll within the aravel. Exhaustion fell on her, she would decide on handling Audacity in the morning. Closing her eyes, sleep rapidly claimed her.<p>

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><p><em>Cold, so cold. Drops of water, dripping slowly. A tall mirror stands at the end of a room, guarded by two Elven statutes. The mirror is dark...so mercurial...then a tiny shimmer breaks forth. Bright light flows out of the mirror. Screams, so many screams. The young Dalish elf becomes entranced, she cannot get away.<em>

_"Merrill, it's cold here, in this place. They will take you too" whispered the voice of someone she once knew._

_"Tamlen, what do I do? How can I find you? How can I bring you out?" she cries, voice barely discernible among the wailing from the mirror._

_Two hands reach out of the mirror, stretching towards her. Hands reach for hers, trying to escape the mirror. The effort as in vain, the hands are suddenly thrown back within. Screaming, so much screaming. She wonders if she is in the fade, or did she end up in some other dark place? The mirror,the Eluvian before the hated warden destroyed it, stands before her. She watches the warden's shadow appear before it. The mirror crumbles, shatters to pieces. Anger, so much anger, if he had left it alone, they could have saved Tamlen! The mirror appears again, whole. She runs to the mirror, heedless of the danger. She bangs on it, begging, tears running down her face. Nothing happens, it remains silent. She kicks it, she screams at it. Still nothing. Hopeless, she hugs herself as the mirror crumbles once again._

_"You could have saved me, " rages the ghost of Tamlen, voice dripped in scorn. "You could have saved her. If you had, she would have stayed in the clan. You failed! You failed. I loved her! You failed us"_

_"I failed," she whispers, her hands clenched in fists. She hated herself. "I failed"_

_The image of a beautiful elf, long dark hair kissed by the sun, appeared before her. Cerulean colored eyes gaze into hers. The illusion's lips form a bittersweet smile. Its hand reaches to grasp her upper arm, as she follows behind the hated warden. Anguish fills the dalish elf, as she watches the illusion walk away, her back the last memory she will have of her._

_A shard, so brilliant, so beautiful, glimmers from the ground. She picks it up._

_"Fix it," whispers the ghost of Tamlen, "Save us. Save us all"_

_War...fighting...so many battles. Elf and man fighting each other, so much blood - blood is everywhere, blood is covers everything. Her nose fills with the stench of it. Corpses of her people lie strewn over the battle field. Tall shadows of hooded shemlin take her people one by one. They bring chains with them, and it all becomes desperate. She watches as one by one, elven children, are cut down, as if they were animals. Their hands reaching for their mothers, but only grasping at air, as their mothers, in constraints, could not reach them. She watches as a child cries out, eyes opened wide in fear, as the one beside them is impaled through the chest. She watches the mothers sob, reaching for their children in vein, their constraints not giving an inch. The evil shemlin merely laughs. They thow the corpses of the children to their mothers. _

_"Take care of this thing," they say, malice dripping from their voices. "Feed them to the flame"_

_They only take the older children, the little ones would take too much effort. The little ones would not be productive. Animals, they throw her people in cages, so many cages. They only come out to work, and for the lashing. Screaming, cries, is all she know now. It is all so hopeless._

_A shard, a single shard, glinting in the darkness. It is the only light in the heavy room. _

_"If you build it, you will free us all," whispers the voice of a child. He appears, his body ravaged by the sword and the flame, in front of her. He holds his hands out, blood dropping from the sword wound in his stomach._

_"What is happening, " she cries. "What is happening?"_

_"They enslaved us. They turned us into animals. Look," whispers the voice the child's mother._

_She sees her people fight their bondage, she sees them fight beside the bride of the Maker! They would be free! But, freedom escapes again. Betrayed, betrayed by the ones they bled with. These shemlin waited patiently, the knife ready. When her people's backs turned, one by one, they shoved the blade deep within. The exalted march brings more chains, more cries, and more death. She cries, she covers her head with her hands. Invisible chains bite into her flesh. Malicious laughter echoes all around her. She hates the voice. It is the voice of the warden who took everything away from her. Her eyes glare ahead, so strong and certain._

_"I hate you," she whispers. "I hate you"_

_She tries to tear out of the chains, but they become tighter. The circulation leaves her hands, arms, everywhere. Her flesh pales._

_"You have never escaped your chains, you are a slave still," laughs a hooded mage, his voice dripping with mockery. "You wear your chains well. You will always wear these chains"_

_The chains begin to suffocate her, she cannot breath. Her heart races in her chest, and she recoils in pain. She has to get out, she has to get free. She cannot bear being trapped like this. She has to get free._

_"Nooo!" she sobs, trying to work her way out._

_"Save us!," cries the voice of a ghost she once knew._

_"Save us!" cries the voices of a people lost._

_"Tamlen, Tamlen, how?" she cries._

_The shard of a mirror appears in her right hand. Her hand grasps it, the ragged edges of the shard bite into her flesh. Blood slowly drips from the wound._

_"You must rebuild it," replies the voice of Tamlen. "Rebuild it"_

_"Rebuild it, " the dalish elf repeats, as if in a trance. "Yes, I will rebuild it"_

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><p>Gasping, Merrill as thrown from her sleep. Wild eyed, she grabbed her blanket close. She looked to the keeper across the room and saw she was still asleep. It was still dark outside, the small crack in the window attesting to that. <em>I thought the keeper shielded our dreams<em>, she thought. She knew there would be no more sleep that night. Her hand creeped underneath her bedroll, into a small pocket within, and pulled out a shard of glass. She glanced at the keeper, ensuring she was asleep.

_My magic cannot penetrate this_, she thought. _How will I ever learn its secrets? Audacity said he would help me. Can I trust it, though? It is just a spirit, if I am careful, it will be alright. _

Merrill sat studying the shard for the rest of the evening, quickly hiding it when the keeper showed the first signs of waking.

"Ahh, da'len. Good morning, I trust you slept well? It is good the demon cannot call to us in our dreams anymore," said the keeper, stretching her arms in a yawn.

"I had another horrible dream, keeper. I think it still calls out to me"

"What was your dream, da'len?" asked the keeper, her gaze alarmed.

Merrill recounted the events of her dream, leaving out Tamlen and Lyna. She also left out the shard for good measure. She knew if she mentioned them, it would just lead to another argument. Merrill was in no mood for arguments today. The keeper gave her a knowing look and nodded.

"Ahh, and such is the burden of the keeper. We keep the knowledge of the old lore. Part of our lore is the pain of our past. I am sorry, da'len, but these dreams will come," whispered the keeper, in a soft voice.

"They will? Don't I get a say in this? I would rather not have that dream again!"

"You must, you must always remember," replied the keeper, cryptically.

Merrill closed her eyes, and stared straight ahead. She opened them and turned her gaze to the keeper. She nodded.

"Merrill, I must go with the hunters aid a situation they have found themselves in. I will leave you to your studies. Please use this time, wisely," said the keeper, gathering her things.

"Yes, Keeper"

Merrill fought to hide the smile forming on her lips. If the keeper left with the hunters, she would be able to seek out Audacity. She would be able to make the trip and still arrive before the keeper returned. She hurried and went for her packs, making sure to pack a warmer cloak.

Again, she found herself on the same path. This time, she was alone, but she felt no fear. She had a feeling that nothing would assail her. Even still, she had her staff at its ready. She made her way up the mountain trail, in a hurried pace, up to the cavern that housed Audacity_. _

_"Free us," cried the elven mother._

_"Free us," cried the elven child._

_"Free us," cried Tamlen._

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><p><em>"Have you come to grant freedom?"<em> asked Audacity._  
><em>

"You said you would show me how to build the Eluvian if I freed you," replied Merrill, putting on a brave face. She really felt anything but brave at the moment.

"_Yess, I will show you. You will grant freedom?_"

"No," replied Merrill. "You must first teach me. After it is built, I will free you"

"_The bargain is accepted. I will give you the knowledge. I will give you the memories_," replied Audacity.

Images flashed, almost as if memories, before her eyes. She saw an elven mage with a tiny dagger. The elf slashed her hands and blood poured forth. The woman chanted long forgotten words softly, and the blood released. Behind her, the murky surface of the eluvian silently stood. As first drops of the blood dripped onto the eluvian's surface, it suddenly came to live. The face of it displayed another place. She saw a beautiful city, white pillars reaching to the sky, surrounded by fields. The woman then rose and entered.

"See?" called out Audacity. "I will teach you. I will teach you the words"

Merrill took out her boot knife and stared at the palm of her hands. Blood magic, she thought. Yet, the mages of Arlathan used it.

"Yes, I see"

"Here are the words, you must use the words," called the demon, its voice containing an eager tone.

The knife bit into the flesh of her hands, and blood split forth. She called out the words, ancient words, received from an ancient being. The shard of the eluvian that she kept in her side pocket burst into light.

"Yes, I will learn"


	4. Page 4

_Thanks to anyone who is still reading this. If you have any feedback/comments, I would love to hear them. I was not finished with this chapter fully, but I wanted to throw this out there. I am working on the next chapter currently, just need to go through it. I am finally on Hawke...yay! Was a busy week - birthday and buying a new car- fun fun_

_12/26/2014 - Revision - fixed inconsistencies _

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><p>Camp Ostegar<p>

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><p>An ever darkening sky forwarned the approach of nightfall. Campfires, too many to count, scattered within stone-walled enclosures. Shadows danced along the walls, dancing to the tune of the flames. Hawke sat at one of the cooking fires with other members of her squad, drinking watered down wine. With an amused smile, she watched the men try to outdo each other in one tale or another.<p>

"Yeah, I swear when I saw her, she .." started Evan Tahren, sitting to her right "she.."

She arched an eyebrow, smirking at him. "Yes? She what?"

Evan's eyes turned down to his cup, eyes blinking. "She, well we went into the field .."

Hawke folded her hands under her chin and studied him. "Oh, what field?"

"Oh, you know, the field by Becker's house. It has not been used in ages because Becker has not been home so I knew no one would catch us there. So that was when .." stammered Evan, blushing.

Amusement danced in her eyes and played with the corners of her mouth. She leaned back on one arm, trying to capture his gaze which stubbornly stayed fixated on his cup. "Ahh Becker's farm. So what did you and this girl do in the _field_ by ... _that_ house? I wasn't really paying attention before."

"Well I ah... I kissed ... no she kissed me! Yeah, and then she took me to the woods and .." he replied, eyes darting everywhere at once.

"How fun, playing doctor in the woods? And who was this temptress?" asked Hawke.

"You don't know her. She was ah new to town, and she uh left the next day," he replied, coughing in his elbow.

Hawke arched an eye brow, eyes opened in mock surprise. "Poor Evan, did she leave before or after you took down your trowsers?"

Evan's face took on an extra hue of red, eyes looking at anything but his companions. "No, she waited until the next day! And .. and she took down my trowsers," he sputtered, pulling his fingers through his unruly blonde hair.

"Oh, at least she was kind. She waited until you were asleep, and silently crept out...like a thief stealing your...virtue!" replied Hawke, grinning.

"What! No! That did not happen! She did not steal my... it was already... I mean ...I am very capable in that area as .. you can ask anyone! She did not leave while I was sleeping! She just left the following day!" whispered Evan heatedly, dusting his legs off with his right hand.

"What's this, Marian?" asked Jason Tahren, Evan's brother, taking note of the conversation. Jason always insisted on calling Hawke by her given name, Marian.

Jason looked at Hawke, a mischievous twinkle in his turquoise blue eyes. Jason and Evan were twins, same in all but personality. Where Jason was laid back and carefree, Evan was always so serious. Evan felt life was a competition, and put people off by his sheer arrogance. He also wasn't above lying, anything to feed into his inflated sense of himself. Hawke did not understand how Jason and Evan could be related, much less twins. Evan had a deep sense of entitlement which made her grit her teeth on many occasions. Oh how she loved provoking him! She loved watching him stumble on his words, and try to backtrack - only to become flustered. Yes, she was going to have fun with his "temptress" story.

"Oh whats going on, Marian?" asked her brother Carver, grabbing a plate of dried mutton and dried vegetable stew.

Hawke handed him a glass of watered down wine, and looked to Jason, her lips curled in a wry smile. She took a sip, and then her gaze switched to Evan. He scowled, his attention solely on his own plate, fidgeting.

"Evan, here, was just telling us about the time, right before we left for Ostagar, he had one last dalliance with a woman who just happened be traveling through our _empty _town one night. Basically, young Evan, here dazzled her so much that she took him by the scruff of his neck, dragged him to the woods behind 'Becker's' place and had her nefarious way with him. He made such an impression that she left the next day!" replied Hawke, smirking.

"He's talking about his hand again, Marian!" grinned Jason, arching an eyebrow.

"Oh sod off! I am just going to bed. Some of us have important duties in the morning," grumbled Evan, gathering his things and stalking away.

"Don't stay up to late Evan, if you're 'friend' decides to visit tonight!" called out Marian, laughing.

Carvers chocolate-colored eyes widened before he coughed out whatever he was eating, giving a slightly amused look. His gaze followed Evan as he slipped into one of the tents. His large hands picked at the dry meat from his plate, grimacing at the taste.

"Marian, one day..." he snickered with a half grin, wolfing the food down. "One day, you'll go to far with him"

"Carver, but it is fun. He is such a ..." began Marian.

"He is just full of himself. He needs to have someone throw him down a notch or two .. or ten?" laughed Jason, slapping Hawke on her shoulder.

Hawke glanced at her brother. He looked so tired. Sweat clung to his temples, giving the edge of his face a shiny pallor. He sat bleary-eyed, shoulders slumped, watching the flickering flames. Eyes that were usually active and alert, dulled. For no clear reason, he stopped picking at his food, his jaw going slack. His eyes glazed over, and his head leaned forward. He shook himself out of his stupor, letting out a small yawn. She took another sip of the bitter wine, eyes narrowing. _When did he last sleep? Why haven't I noticed? _Before she could call him on this, Carver rose.

"As much as I would enjoy spending the rest of the evening with you, I am going to follow Evan's example. I'll see you in the morning," he yawned, nodding in Jason's direction. "I have a feeling it will be a long day"

"Night Carver, sleep well!" called out Hawke, hoping he would get some needed rest.

Jason waited until Carver was out of earshot, and then turned his gaze on Hawke. "Your brother, he doesn't look so well," he whispered.

Hawke's did not speak for a minute, her lips pursed. She drew her brows together, eyes downcast when she finally spoke. "I was thinking that myself. I don't think he's been sleeping. He is usually tossing and turning, and those circles under his eyes.."

"Well after this battle, we will probably be able to head back home for leave," said Jason, looking up at her. "I know you must miss your family, and Carver must miss Bethany. I think it's just the uneasy feeling of this war, and both of you not being around your family... "

Hawke thought about Bethany. She hated leaving her behind, but it would have been too dangerous otherwise. They told anyone who asked that Bethany was home taking care of their mother. No one could know the truth. If they did, her little sister would be condemned for the crime of being born with a gift others would curse. _Yes, it is good my sister is not here. With all the templars, surely she would have been found out by now_, she thought_. _ Hawke shivered as flashes of Bethany being led off in chains assailed her mind. She pressed her right temple with her fingers, closing her eyes briefly. Taking a deep breath, she stared at the flickering flames. _I would inhale my last breath before I let anyone take her_.

"So what do you think?" asked Jason, drawing her back to the present.

"I'm so sorry, Jason, my mind drifted," she said, abashed.

"Oh I was asking when you think we will face the horde? I heard we were waiting for one of the gray wardens, something like Durnik..Dan...Dunkin?" asked Jason, crossing his arms over his chest .

"I am not sure. I know they sent some scouts to the wild. I know in the morning I'm going to the quartermaster to check on my sword. Maybe I will hear something then?" she said, giving him a small smile.

"Ahh, OK. That sounds good. So, just you and me out here, huh?" Jason asked, throwing a stick into the fire.

"Guess so," she replied, laying her back against one of the many scattered logs, lips still casting a worried frown.

"I'll actually be glad when this is over. This place just feels...wrong. I mean, I just keep waiting... Marian, we have never even seen a darkspawn. Since we arrived, we have have only been scouting the main road. Only ones to see them so far are the scouts in the Wilds, and the quick skirmishes some of the other troops get involved with. I overheard that the darkspawn are starting to mass, so they will assault us soon. I just don't know," whispered Jason, placing his elbow on his knees.

Her brilliant blue eyes snapped to Jason's, one eyebrow arched. "I don't know. I am sure after seeing your face, the darkspawn will flee in abject terror!" she quipped, the smile not reaching her eyes.

Jason reached over and slapped her on the shoulder. "Be serious for once, Marian!" he said, his gaze directly on her. "Don't you feel it too? You have to admit it feels...wrong here"

She lowered her eyes, feeling her cheeks heating. Sighing, she reached over and grabbed his shoulder, squeezing it tight. "I know Jason. I'm sorry. I'll be glad when this is over. I am glad you are here with me, though. It would be difficult otherwise"

"I feel the same," he said, his eyes soft.

Lacing fingers behind her neck, she arched back, feeling the muscles in her back stretch. "I guess we should try to get some sleep while we can," she said.

"Ok, Marian" replied Jason, a warm smile on his lips. "Sweet dreams"

"You too," she replied, a small smile forming on hers as well.

Jumping to her feet, she turned to the gray colored tent she shared with Carver. _I am grateful Jason is here, it makes this place a little bearable_, she thought ruefully. She had known Jason for over ten years. They had played when they were children, and that was the basis for their deep friendship now. He was her best friend, her brother. There had never been any romantic interest between them, only a friendship that knit them tightly together. They would stay up for hours talking about life, their hope, and their dreams. He as always the one she could depend on, he was safe. She loved Jason, he was her backbone. She reached the rust colored sleeping tent she shared with Carver, and slipped inside.

"Marian?" asked Carver, who was already in his blankets.

"Yes, Carver, it's just me," whispered Hawke, "I didn't want to wake you"

"Sleep well, sister," he yawned, turning his back to her.

"You too," she whispered, getting ready for bed.

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><p>Hawke returned to consciousness with her eyes still closed. Even before she opened her eyes, she was aware of a few things. First, she had a pounding headache. Secondly, it was cold. She tried to burrow her way deeper into the blankets, but the noise of the camp drew that idea away. It was morning, and everyone would rouse soon, if they weren't up already.<p>

She looked at her brother's sleeping roll and saw that it was vacant. She hurriedly dressed to join him outside. Outside, the sky was a hazy gray, the air frigid. She nodded to her brother, and quickly took a cup of hot tea, and the meager offerings from last evenings meal.

"You going to the quartermaster now, Marian?" he asked, looking up at her.

"Yeah, I'll probably see you later this morning," she said, nodding.

She finished her morning meal, and started towards the Quartermaster. It wasn't a long hike, but she still had to go through the throngs of people working in the camp at one thing or another. She passed craftmen, soldiers, mages and other camp dwellers on her trek. She finally reached the quartermaster just as he was berating one of the elven servants. She walked up and to the side, in clear view of the elf.

"You there elf, where is my armor? Why are you dressed like this? Did you steal that?" scoffed the quartermaster, lips in a scowl.

The elf's shoulders tensed, her hands forming tight fists. The elf finally lifted her chin, meeting his haughty gaze defiantly. "I am no servant, shemlin. I need supplies, or are you going to balk at me all day?"

The quartermaster's face grew an ugly shade of red. His eyes bulged out in a glare, vein throbbing on his throat. "Elf, who did you steal your armor from? I will call the guards on you!" he pressed, eyes blazing.

The elf crouched low, her hands readied. Hawke visibly tensed, wondering if she would be thrown into this mess. "They can try," said the elf, her voice hard.

_This is no servant_, thought Hawke. She noticed this elf looked different from any other she had seen. Light silver lines marked the pale skin of the her face. Cerulean colored eyes seemed to draw Hawke in, even though her intense gaze drew elsewhere. The elf was beautiful, radiant, and defiant. Hawke knew the look of someone who has seen battle, and she knew this elf had seen her fair share of it.

Another shorter man walked up to the quartermaster, standing beside the elf. He seemed amused, his lips quirked upwards. "Good quartermaster, I thought you might want to know that you are speaking with the newest gray warden recruit you may have heard about. Duncan just arrived with her today" he said, a winning smile on his lips.

The quartermaster blanched, hurriedly stepping back. He held his hands up in appeasement, eyes wide. "Oh, uh, I didn't know, please forgive my rudeness. There are so many elves running around, and I've been waiting for... it's simply been so hectic. I never thought..."

Hawke stood closer, curious about how this conversation would go. The _warden's_ shoulders seemed to relax some, but her eyes still hardened.

"You never thought what, shem? You never thought an elf would be a warden? Do I need to prove my skills on you?" she said in a low voice, eyes narrowed.

"Ah, no there is no need. I am just a lowly quartermaster, no one important. I hope you can forgive my hastiness. I meant no disrespect" he said, his face becoming paler.

The warden stalked forward, her predatory gaze fixed on him. At the last minute she stopped, nodding. "I accept your apology. Again I need supplies, I hope you are more competent in your wares than you are in conversation," she said, lips in a tight line.

Hawke waited until the warden finished her purchases before moving closer to the quartermaster. _An elf as a warden_, she thought. _An elf that looks deadly_. Shaking her head, she watched as the warden walked a good distance away.

"Interesting character isn't she?" asked the man who confirmed the elf's identity.

"Oh, I don't know. She seems like a ray of sunshine..Well a really tiny ray..." replied Hawke, still watching the warden's departure. "How is it you know this new warden?"

"Ah, I just recently met her. We are of the newest recruits for the Wardens. Names Daveth, by the way," he replied, his lips forming a winning smile. "She wasn't this grouchy when I met her. Think quartermaster here raised her hackles"

"So, making new friends, are we?" asked Hawke, smirking at the quartermaster. "Nice to meet you, Daveth"

"Ah, I am sorry you had to see that. I just didn't .." began the quartermaster, looking behind him.

"Oh I am sure you did," replied Hawke, arms folded across her chest.

"Ah, I assume you are here for your sword?" he asked, turning back to her, sword in hand.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am" she said, taking hold of it. "Thank you, quartermaster"

Hawke paid him his due and turned back to Daveth. "It's nice to meet you as well, Daveth. I'm called Hawke. So you are a warden as well?"

"No, not a warden yet - only a recruit. We have to do a task in the wilds - all four of us before we gain full membership," he replied.

"All four of you? In the Wilds? The wilds that are filled with darkspawn? Alone?" asked Hawke, blinking.

Daveth noded. "Yeah, I'm not totally sure, mind you. But, I did overhear some other wardens. Not sure it matters. If I die here, or somewhere else. Guess I shouldn't have tried to steal that man's coin purse"

Hawke drew her eyebrows up, lips curved up to the side. "Yeah, I do think taking someone's coin purse would not put you on their good list"

Daveth nodded, and shook his head ruefully. "Oh well, if I make it back in one piece, I hope to see you again. It was nice meeting you, Hawke. There will be loads of darkspawn to play with, after all"

"It was nice meeting you as well, Daveth. Stay safe!" Hawke replied, nodding respectfully. Hawke watched as Daveth ran to catch up to the other warden. _Well this is going to turn into an interesting day_, she thought.


	5. Page 5

**Author's Note: **While writing this, I decided to add another idea to this story. So it is going to go a tiny bit off canon, not much. Also, could someone please review this? Let me know if the story is flowing properly? Thank you for everyone who is following this story

Also, I am fixing an inconsistencies in the previous chapter where Hawke tells Carver she would be back to to the camp by noon

**Disclaimer**: Bioware and EA owns all

**Revised: **12/26/2014 - fixed grammar errors and other issues

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><p>Hawke started down towards where the mabari hounds were held. She always enjoyed watching them, their raw power so enticing. Snarls and howls permeated the air, these huge monstrous beasts pacing. Hawke frowned, she hated the idea of one of these fine beasts being trapped. She caught the eye of one hound in particular: Echo. Echo had been her companion since he was but a pup.<p>

__She was stalking a deer, getting ready to make the shot. It was late in the afternoon, and she knew the sun would start to retreat. She focused on the deer, readying her arrow. Focus, she thought, feel the deer. She closed her eyes, feeling the deer's hunger. She sniffed the air, knowing there was no scent except that of grassy pines surrounded by the many trees. She felt the deer's urgency, knowing the grassy meal must end soon before danger is spotted. Hawke let her arrow lose, eyes centered on the deer's chest. The moment the arrow loosed, the deer looked up, its dark wide eyes sensing danger. Too late, just as it started to spring into action, the arrow penetrated its chest. There was no sound, just the last breath of a dying animal before it plummeted to the ground.__

__Carver ran forward to begin carving up the meat for the trek home. He normally would deal with that portion of the work as she was better at taking them down. Bethany joined him, eyes wide with adrenaline.__

__Hawke looked around, breathing in the scent of pine and other smells specific to the forest. Suddenly, her shoulders tensed. She heard something which sounded between a cry and a howl. She wasn't sure. She looked at Carver, whose gaze had already turned towards hers. He nodded, and grabbed Bethany's shoulder. The three of them started to move towards where the cry originated from. They walked a good twenty minutes when the howls turned into fast paced whimpers, Hawke knew something was in distress. The sound grew louder when they reached the road and saw a man who looked to have died recently. Hawke moved closer to investigate, there did not seem to be any foul play.__

__The man laid on his belly, his brown tunic looking worn. Long gray hairs matted his forehead, looking stiff from the humidity. Hawke turned him over and saw gray hairs matting a worn face. The wrinkles on his forehead told of a long life, the eyes almost seemed to be sunken in. She moved his head this way and that, shivering at the lifeless eyes gazing at nothing.__

__Hawke heard the whimper again, and a slight growl. There beside the the man was a long piece of cloth resembling a blanket. There was movement underneath, and Carver reached to move the cover before Hawke could stop him. Under the 'blanket' was a mabari, shivering, curled up on itself. The mabari's coat was snowy white, it's feet to big for its body.__

__Carver moved his hand closer, and the mabari shrunk back, a shaky whimper escaping its mouth. Carver leaned over, his legs on the blanket, arms outstretched. He finally managed to grip the mabari, only to cry out. The mabari had bitten him, and shrank back, refusing to give up his space.__

__Carver scowled at the small pup, hands forming a fist, ready to unleash punishment. Hawke grabbed his hands, pushing them back.__

__"Stop it, Carver, can't you see he's scared?" she said, glaring at him. Carver only glared back, immediately moving on his knees.__

__Hawke slowly moved in, making soft sounds, eyes meeting the mabari's. At that instance, she felt something come over her. There was really no way to describe the feeling, just a presence in her head. She felt its fear, its sorrow. It met her gaze, eyes steady. She reached her hand towards it, a wet nose greeted her palm.__

__"Come on, boy" she whispered, her other hand slowly reaching under its arms. He whimpered again, but allowed her to lift him. He felt so soft, his fur so smooth. She had one hand combing the hairs on his back, while the other cupped him just beneath his chest. __

__Carver glowered, eyes narrowing. He was now on his feet, pacing. "Well it is taken with you," he bit out, jaws clenched. "As usual"__

__Bethany shook her head, eyes narrowing. "Oh Carver, stop it. The puppy was obviously scared. Marian has always been so good with animals, you know that. Please don't be angry"__

__That night, Hawke proudly showed her father the puppy. Her father smiled explained that people do not choose mabari, the mabari choose them. Hawke looked at the little puppy laying in her lap, he eyes soft. That night, she named him Echo.__

"Hey boy, ready to stretch your legs?" she asked, looking to the Kennel Master. She stepped close to the gate entrance, opening it. Echo came bounding out, excited barks and licks racing around her. Hawke started down the path, Echo trailing behind.

Sword in hand, they started for the bridge that would lead them outside the fortifications. She had to scout outside of the fort towards the main road to ensure safe travel for merchants and other troops coming in. On this side of the fort, they never encountered any darkspawn. They had not moved beyond the Korcari Wilds, yet. Right now, something was holding them back. Yes, there were small bands of darkspawn that would encounter the army's scouts in the wilds, but that was it. They were as needle pricks, and some of the scouts wondered if the threat of the darkspawn was real. Hawke shivered, adrenaline spiking her heart rate at the thought of darkspawn. __The threat is real, and we better damn stop them___, _she thought.

She reached down to run her fingers through Echo's coat, meeting his eyes. She loved Echo, it came instinctually. Echo was like an extended part of her, so aware she was of him. She walked, Echo by her side, down the long rocky bridge, eyes focused on their location. After twenty minutes, passing other soldiers along the way, she reached the end of the bridge. Her brilliant blue eyes scanned the area, littered with pines, for her squad.

"Hey Marian!" called Jason. "Ready for another day of walking aimlessly around...finding nothing?"

"As if we did not have anything better to do," growled Evan, scowling.

Hawke grinned, jogging towards them. "Oh, I don't know. Echo found something last time we were out," she replied.

"A dead squirrel doesn't count!" laughed Jason, lips in an upward ark.

She shook her head, hands tracing Echo's back. She gave a sardonic smile, yet her eyes glittered with humor. "Well there is one less evil squirrel intent on dominating the world!" she replied. "Good boy, Echo. Jason just doesn't appreciate you!"

Jason chuckled and reached over to pat Echo's head, rolling his eyes at her. "Well come on, you"

She looked around and saw that most of the squad was accounted for except Carver. Her brows drew together as she looked around in case she missed him. "Where's Carver?" she asked.

"Captain ordered him to sparring yard" Evan said, shrugging.

"Oh boy, he will be in a lovely mood tonight," she sighed, hand on her brow. __Guess I will not see him at noon as I had thought__, she thought.

"Well maybe he will be too exhausted to glower at us tonight," laughed Jason.

"Always the optimist!" she laughed, patting Jason on the back.

Two other squad members walked up to them, bows on their back. Samuel Madder and Raven. Raven never gave his surname, and he never confirmed his first name. He only answered to 'Raven'. Raven stood tall, dark brown hair laying just under his ears. His intense brown eyes glanced briefly at her before they looked past the trees once again. Raven seemed to swallow himself in a cloud of intrigue, filling her with a wave of uncertainty. His tall frame walked up the road ahead with feline grace. He did not look back, confident they were following. Sighing, she glanced at Jason, passing him an irritated look for Raven's detached manner. __Well one thing at least__, she thought, __he is damn good with that bow and those small swords of his___! ___Speaking of which, why wouldn't he be with the scouts in the wilds?__

Samuel, on the other hand, was a fresh recruit. His dark eyes met hers with an obvious excitement. He stood just over six feet, a tad shorter than Raven. Though slim, he showed signs of filling out. He moved from a tree he was leaning against, and fell into step behind Raven.

"Hi, Hawke!" Samuel called out, warm smile on his lips. "Glad you finally made it!"

Hawke moved closer to Jason, tapping him on the shoulder. "I had to get my sword from the quartermaster" she replied to Samuel. "Speaking of which, I need to talk to you later on, Jason" she whispered in a voice made for his ears only.

"Well, I wonder if we will see any darkspawn. We never see any, and I wonder what they look like!" exclaimed Samuel, hands moving animatedly. Their squad had been out here for the last several months, always scouting the front enterence. They generally went out in small groups, one of them sent back for signs of trouble. For the past month, there had been no sign of threats. While that boded well as they had defeated most of the bandits and other predators stalking the road, it led room to boredom. Samuel, it appeared, hated boredom and filled his time with insistent questions and excited chatter.

Evan looked at Samuel with an annoyed glance, shrugging. Hawke noticed Evan's mouth opening to let out a barbed retort, but was interrupted. Raven turned from his march, his intense gaze meeting Samuel. "Samuel, if we see darkspawn, it means the army failed, and the gates were overran" replied Raven, his voice soft.

Samuel blanched, eyes quickly escaping Raven's gaze. Shoulders slumped, his foot sent some pebbles flying through the air. He absently scratched at his elbow. "I - I just was saying we came here to fight darkspawn. We have not seen any..there isn't anything out here," he exclaimed, rushing the words out. His eyes darted around the wooded area as if his thoughts would summon the enemy. "There are no bandits anymore, just nothing. There has been nothing here for days! I just want to be doing **_**something**_**!"

Raven gave Samuel a nod, his sharp eyes studying him quietly. "Samuel, it is good we have not had any trace of bandits. It means we have done our job and made the road safe for travel. In the end, we make a massive contribution" he said, glancing far above the trees. "Unfortunately, we will most likely encounter more bandits and other foes as time passes"

Hawke noticed the slump to Samuel's shoulder relax. __Unfortunately? Samuel would probably be beside himself with glee! Oh look, ___she thought, ___Sam is perking up! __She leaned her head forward, watching the conversation with interest. Raven obviously spoke from experience on these matters, but he was hiding something. However, in this, she knew that he was right. If the darkspawn did make it to the front of the fortress, then the troops would have been overwhelmed. Her family, friends, everything she held dear would be slaughtered. Shaken, she shrugged off those thought and placed them in her 'to worry about later' box. She also knew it was a good thing they had not encountered any other foes lately. This meant that they would always have fresh supplies coming in.

The recruit nodded hastily, eyes drawn to the ground. He drew his thin lips in a line, and slowed his pace, trying to increase the distance between Raven and himself. Hawke took the opportunity, and moved in behind Raven.

"Raven, where are you from?" she asked. She had thought to ask the question before, but it never seemed the right moment. Yet, the feeling that Raven was more than he appeared gnawed at her. Raven slowed, and looked back to her. "Does it matter, Hawke?"

__It would matter if you were a crazed lunatic intent on causing mayhem and destruction everywhere! We have Evan for that thank you very much, __she thought. She narrowed her eyes, pursing her lips. "I just want to know you better. I have spent more time with you than anyone else here, other than the people from my home town. Yet, I feel like I know nothing of you. You say and do things that surprise me, and its unnerving"

"You know what you need to know, Hawke. Nothing more - nothing less," he said, his face showing nothing.

"You are more than you seem," she said, meeting his gaze. She considered him a moment, brows furrowed. "The way you carry yourself, the way you fight. You fight like no one I have seen. You obviously have seen plenty of action in battle, more than us at least. Why are you with us? Why would you not be in the wilds with the other scouts, or somewhere your skills would matters"

"You know what we have done matters, Hawke" he said, starting to dismiss her.

"That isn't the point. I just think you are more than you portray. Who are you, Raven?" she asked.

"Everyone is entitled to their secrets, Hawke. I am just a soldier who is scouting this front with you. Nothing more, nothing less" replied Raven, shrugging. "Or, maybe we are _both_ more than we seem to be? After all, why is your sister not here with us, really?"

Hawke's face hardened, cold steel showing in her eyes. Her hands started to move for her back to pull her sword out of its scabbard. At the last minute, she stopped. Her gaze found his, her stare penetrating.

"I am no threat to you, Hawke – far from it. I am just pointing out that everyone has their secrets, and some secrets are better held in the dark. I am sure you would agree?" Raven replied, showing no emotion to the fact that Hawke was so close to attacking him.

Hawke frowned, her lips pursed. She stood there for a minute, regarding him. Finally, she nodded. Raven held her gaze for a few seconds before he resumed his path.

"What were you and Raven talking about. I saw you go for your sword. For a second, I thought you actually _did_ find bandits!" exclaimed Jason, voice barely above a whisper.

"Nothing," she replied, chewing on her lip subconsciously

"Ahh so when your hand reached behind for your sword, you were just stretching?" asked Jason, cocking his head to the side.

Clinching her jaw, she tried to stifle any emotion from showing on her face. "He.. He just isn't what he seems. I told him as much. He evaded the question, and I guess I was agitated"

"I'd say you were" he replied, chuckling. "So what did you want to talk about?"

She looked around silently. She wasn't sure if she wanted to be overheard, but then decided it wouldn't matter anyways. Still, she drew closer to Jason as she responded.

"I saw a gray warden when I was getting my sword," she replied.

"Ahh I see. You do know that gray wardens are not rare in this camp? Right?" Jason replied, arching an eyebrow.

Rolling her eyes, a sardonic smile touched her lips. "No, That had not occurred to me!" She caught his eye and took a deep breath. "The warden was an elf"

Raven stopped suddenly. He looked back, catching Hawk's eye. "Elf you say? Did she have tattoos or any type of markings on her face?"

"Yeah, she did. All over her face actually. She looked different from any elf I have seen" she replied.

"'She'? I have not seen a female warden at this camp!" called out Evan, listening in.

Raven drew his forefinger to the front of his chin, seeming to contemplate the situation. "It is not so unusual for wardens to have females or _elves_. Even in these times, it would seem likely for a Dalish Elf to be among their numbers"

"Well she wasn't actually among their number," Hawke began. "I was told that she was a recruit by a guy who stopped her from slitting the quartermaster's throat. Dalish Elf? Is that a different type of elf? I have heard the word 'Dalish' before, but it was never really defined"

"Slitting the quartermaster's throat? Are you serious? As if an elf would dare!" Evan guffawed a laugh, holding his right palm out. "I am surprised the guards did clamp her in irons!"

"Well she did ask the quartermaster to call them..." replied Hawke, her lips turned upwards.

"Hawke, well.." started Evan.

"She was a warden recruit, Evan. The guards would have tried to restrain her yes, but they would not have attacked. The wardens would have dealt with her had that been an issue. Hawke, was it an issue?" Raven asked, interrupting Evan again. _Hmm, I suppose he does have his good traits_, she thought.

"No, another guy, the other recruit, stopped the situation from getting that … intense," she replied "Although, if it did come to blows, she seemed capable"

"Ah, yes Hawke. She would have been capable, indeed. As to your question, the Dalish are different from the pacified elves in the city. They... remember, for lack of a better word, who they are. They are a proud people, and avid hunters. Yes, she would have dealt the guards a blow for sure" Raven said, nodding. "I am glad it did not come to that. What else happened?"

"Well the quartermaster seemed to remember that there was a recruit arriving with someone named Duncan, and the confrontation ended" she said, looking Raven in the eye.

"Ahh, so Duncan has arrived and brought his last recruit? I did not think he would be back so soon.." Raven sighed, looking straight ahead once more.

She saw Jason looking at her, his lips drawn. They had discussed this last night – the final conflict would start when Duncan arrived.

_I heard we were waiting for one of the gray wardens, something like Durnik..Dan...Dunkin?_

Her heart rate quickened at the thought of what was to come. Except, she did not know if it was indeed coming! She looked once more at Raven, clenching her jaw. "How is it you know this Duncan?"

"You seem to know a lot of things, Raven. Are you royalty or somethin?" asked Evan, staring pointedly at him. "Well it just seems fishy and all, that you know so much. That's all"

"No, Evan I am not royalty" Raven replied. "I am what I appear to be. A soldier scouting the front with you"

"Well before Evan's usual inane interruption," she said, grinning at Evan's glare. "I asked how you know this Duncan?"

Raven's eyes flashed for a fraction of a second, and then all emotion was removed from them. He looked her in the eye, his gaze neutral. _I know he is more than he says he is! _"I have seen Duncan from time to time in my travels," he said, a wry smile forming slowly on his lips. "He tried to recruit me once"

"Recruit you once? You didn't join, I would guess as.. well you are not with the wardens right now" she said, eliminating another suspicion. _Ok, removing warden from my list of 'who the hell is this guy'_, she thought.

"No, I did not join the wardens. The wardens were not for me. I highly respect the organization and would always offer my sword to them, but my path is not with them," he said, distantly. He seemed to be looking into the distant past, his gaze unfocused. Finally, he blinked and looked back up to her. "No, my path is not theirs"

_Well that answered a lot, she chimed to herself. Thank you, Raven, for a more in depth understanding of...nothing at all!_ Instead, she attempted a smile. "Ah, I see. Well, unless your path is to rip me limb from limb, I hope your path leads you to what you're looking for"

"Thank you, Hawke. I think I am getting closer to the end of that long journey" he replied, showing her a glimpse of a smile. He once again turned his back to her, and resumed walking ahead.

Hawke knew they would get nothing more from the man. _He liked to stay cloaked in his shadows_, she thought. _Hes right though, we all have our secrets, and he said he was no threat. Then again, I am sure a dragon would say its no threat before it eats you._ Chuckling dryly to herself, she shook her head and resumed her pace behind Raven. _Hmm, he did not answer how he knew Duncan was coming. Would he know if we will engage the darkspawn now that Duncan is back?_

"Raven, wait. How did you know the elf is the latest recruit? And, do you know if its true that now we will be engaging the darkspawn .. .well because he's here?" she asked, shooting a glance at Jason.

Raven slowed once more, but did not look back. Seconds passed slowly, and she wondered if he would even answer the question. "I know about the last recruit because I do have ears. I sometimes sit at the warden tents," he replied, quietly. "As for the other.." he starts, finally turning to her. "We shall see. Time is escaping us, we must resume our scouting"

Her small group disappeared into the forest, Raven taking the lead, his sharp eyes scanning the area for threats. Cold wind tore at her hair as she trailed behind him, breathing the morning air deeply. She walked slowly, taking in everything from the patches of blue sky visible through the trees to the sharp edges of the old ruins which still surrounded Ostegar. Sighing, she shook her head slowly._ Raven definitely is not who he says he is!_

* * *

><p>It was late in the afternoon, approaching the dinner hour after Hawke had said her goodbyes to Echo after the squad was relieved. She was now approaching the sparring grounds. She could feel the grunts of the combatants as she closed into the make-shift sparring area. Carver held his dull two-handed sword, blocking a blow from his opponent. His opponent drew back, circling him. Carver growled as the edge of his opponents sword struck his shoulder. <em>Ouch, that's gonna bruise<em>, thought Hawke. _I can't believe he is still at it_. He lifted his blade just in time to deftly block another blow, and then bringing his sword up in an upwards angle, only to be blocked with a resounding clang. His opponent quickly turned to his left and brought the blade against Carvers leg in a loud clang. He then kicked to his right, and Carver was on his back, looking up.

"Fine, I give," grumbled Carver, reaching for the hand given by his sparring partner.

"Hi, Carver," greeted Hawke, "I think it will be time for dinner soon"

"Yeah, Maybe. Good day today? Anything happen?" he asked, a sour expression on his face.

"Oh you know. The usual. There was … trees... and dirt...and rocks...and more trees. Yes, so much excitement!" she smiled, chuckling.

"Well at least you won't wake up sore from it" complained Carver, stretching his neck muscles.

"There is that," she nodded.

"Hawke, you should practice as well. Dinner will not be for another hour," Raven said, nodding at Carver. "That was well done, Carver. Marcus there is one of the best sword arms I know of. It is good for you to practice with him"

She smiled to herself, seeing Carver beam. She wanted him to be happy, and seeing him smile up at Raven, warmed her heart. "OK, Raven, maybe for a little while. I am hungry, you know"

She went into the sparring ring, grabbing the blade Carver had used. She noticed Raven reached over and grabbed a two handed practice blade as well. "I will not go easy, Hawke. I want you to try to anticipate my moves. You have gotten much better at it, but you still need practice," Raven said, his blades held in front of him. He crouched getting in combat stance and nodded at her. Hawke relaxed her hold on her blade. She looked him in the eye, watching his body language.

He took a test swing, the clang of impact from her block ringing across the yard. He slashed, she blocked. She whirled and twisted, lashing out, attempting to pass through his defenses. His eyes stayed focused through it all, his face a mask of calm as he deftly meet strike after strike. It was over in about ten minutes, as his sword swung in a mid arc to her waste as she was spinning, to slow to stop it. Before she knew it, she was on the ground like Carver.

"You did better, Hawke. There is still much improvement to be made, but you did last longer than you have in the past," Raven said, studying her. "Soon, you will be an imposing opponent for someone like me"

"Thank you, Raven. It was a little easier to anticipate what you would do. However, I am still gonna feel the bruises in the morning," she said, wincing.

"Ahh, but a blade has to be sharpened? Yes?" asked Raven, nodding.

"Yes, I suppose you are right" she said, "Although, I will look forward when the sharpening doesn't come with so many bruises"

Raven took her practice blade from her, put both the blades standing by the wall on the edge of the sparring yard. She knew he was an impressive fighter, very capable with the bow as well as the blade. She remembered the first time she saw him in action – she had never seen anyone fight with such mechanical fluidity. It seemed nothing could stand against him that day.

_The squad was peering from the trees, looking out onto the road. They saw a wagon full of trade goods, the wheels seemed damaged somehow. Two figures in tanned colored clothing tried to repair the wheels when they were confronted by a group of ten bandits._

"_Should one of us run to alert the guard?" asked Evan, preparing to stand._

"_No, Evan, by the time you made it back, the bandits would have done away with this cart, and the merchants would be dead. It is best we take care of it now. There is just ten of them and" he looked over the group, "six of us including Echo. We are better trained, we have a chance"_

_Evan's face paled, his eyes opening wide. "It would be two to one! That is madness"_

"_There are at least four merchants that could also help. However, if we don't head out now, that number will fall drastically" replied Raven, starting to move down. He did not wait for the rest of the group as usual, he just expected them to follow._

_Hawke had thought Raven would crouch somewhere and use his long bow, but he did no such thing. Instead two rapiers materialized in his hands as he sprinted out to meet their new foes. Where the hell did he hide those? she thought, as she drew her huge sword from its scabbard. _

_The bandits were now on the merchants, their swords out. Hawke's group remained undetected, so intent were the bandits on the merchant's pockets. Finally, Raven made it to the first bandit. That is when it happened, there was some sort of transformation in him. She saw his eyes glow, just for a brief second, but she did see it! The next thing she knew, two bandits had dropped dead, as Raven spun and sent his rapier through the chest of a third. There was a type of fluidity to his movements, a special type of grace. Even though deadly, you could call it beautiful. In the time it took her to get to her opponent on the right, Raven had already took down a fifth. By the time the others joined the battle, it was over. _

_Later, when she caught Raven alone, she thought about what she had seen."Raven, your eyes, when you went for the first bandit, they changed" Hawke asked later when they were alone. "They seemed to glow" _

"Glow? _Are you sure, Hawke?" he asked. "It might have been a trick of the light"_

"If it was a trick of the light, the glow would not have just flickered. It happened for maybe a few seconds, but I saw it_. I just have never seen anything like it. That or the way you fight" she said, feeling a little awe. "Would you teach me to fight as you do?"_

"_Certainly. However, I am not in the business of making eyes glow," he said, a wry smile tugging at his lips. That would be the last attempt of humor she would hear from him. "But, I would teach you. It will not be easy though, Hawke." She nodded. "I understand"_

_Over the next five months, she found herself out in the sparring yard with Raven, learning to fight as he did. She would practice until her limbs felt like jelly, and her hands were so numb, they would not grip the hilt of her sword._

She nodded at her brother and prepared to head for the cooking fires. She got a lot of practice at the sparring yards thanks to Raven. Though, she could never seem to beat him in one of the matches, she dispatched anyone else who challenged easily. _Of course_, she sighed, a_nother thing for Carver to feel slighted over. That is probably why he did not argue about staying behind today_. She sighed, feeling the first pangs of hunger tempt her.

* * *

><p>The sky was turning into a darkened hue, mixed with shades of red. Light still shined through, just dimmed. Camp fires burned, preparing for evening meals. Hawke walked with Carver to where her squad will be waiting. When she reached the fires, she gave her thanks to Samuel as he handed them their plates.<p>

She sat upon one of the scattered logs around the fire, still being used as makeshift seats. She glanced around and noticed Raven's presence. She blinked, her lips forming an "oh". "Hello, Hawke. I thought I would join you, tonight" Raven said, reaching for his cup.

"Ah, yes I see. It was kind of a shock to see you here," she said, grimacing. _As you had pointed out earlier you sit with the wardens. Hmm, are you here because Duncan is back?_

"No, I am not here because Duncan is back" he replied, as if reading her thoughts, "I did get to speak with him after I left the sparring yard. The recruit you were talking about is expected to make it back tonight or early tomorrow"

"Ah," she replied. _So they are expected to fight through huge groups of darkspawn and make it back by the end of the day, or the next morning. Do they sleep?_ "What will happen then?"

He looked into the fire, she watched the shadows dance along the right side of his face. "If they return, they will be accepted as full grey wardens"

"Do you know who the elf warden is?" she asked, remembering the defiantly beautiful elf.

"He did mention her, yes. If she becomes a gray warden, tomorrow, she will be a great asset" he replied softly. "Hawke, I need to talk to you. What I have to say is for your ears only"

"Ok, Raven. When?" she asked, looking up at him.

"It is getting late, and you will need your rest for tomorrow. We should talk at first light" he said, starting to stand.

"Ok, Raven, tomorrow at first light" she nodded, and continued to eat her stew. _I know he is more than he says he is!_

* * *

><p><em>Well there you have it. I am ready to leave Ostegar now!<em>


	6. Page 6

**Author's Note: ** Thanks so much for the follows =). I wanted to get this out before Christmas, and I seem to have gotten obsessed in the last few hours so here is a new installment. Please let me know what you think

Bert-Wrighty - Thanks so much for your review. About Maherial, I love her as a character. However, in every DAO runthrough, I was always a Cousland. /duck. There is just something about Maherial that I like - and she fits in well with Merrill.

**Disclaimer**: Bioware and EA owns all

* * *

><p>"Marian?"<p>

"Marian, damn it! Wake up!"

"Marian, wake up!"

Hawke groaned, swatting away a hand that was squeezing her shoulder.

"Marian, wake up! Now!"

"Carver, is she awake? We got to go now!" hissed someone in earnest.

Hawke turned, shifting the blankets wrapped tightly around her body. The cold night air still bit into her, and her arms still felt the aches from the sword practice the night before. She groaned again, feeling a hand clapping her on the back.

"Marian! WAKE UP!"

It was completely dark, when she opened her eyes. Her mind was still fuzzy, but she started to feel a steady thump. She shook her head, moving into a sitting position, glaring at two figures in the dark. The thumps soon became steady vibrations, accompanied by the primal beats of..something. Hawke looked up, scratching eyes that still fraught with sleep.

"Carver? Jason?" she asked, yawning. "Whats going on?"

The ground underneath shook, vibrating with enough force to send mild shocks up her feet. She stood, noticing that the beatings and thrums were louder. She then understood what she was hearing: _War Drums_.

"Hawke, Captain Varel has ordered us to the gates to the Wilds. The darkspawn have been spotted in masses. They will be here within the hour. His Highness has already started the formations" said Raven, his voice sounding placid. "You must prepare yourself"

She nodded, and quickly began to dress herself. She did not ask for privacy, there was no time. Finally, she strapped her blade to her back. "I'm ready"

Raven led the group past the guard camps, passing agitated soldiers rushing to their posts. The war drums grew louder, and the ground shook with the steps of so many men. "I need to get Echo. Where is Evan and Samuel?" she asked, looking to Jason.

"I don't know. When Captain Varel called the offensive, Evan ran after Varel. I think he thought he would stay by his side while the camp was rousing" replied Jason, lowering his brows. _Oh, he's pissed_. "As for Samuel, I did not see him in his tent. I looked. Maybe Evan went to him after Varel left?"

"What?" asked Hawke. "Where the hell could he be? We have to find him"

"Hawke, we cannot. We are losing time already. We must gather Echo and head to our division. I am sure Samuel will already be there, with Evan, perhaps." said Raven, voice brooking no argument.

"OK, I do need to get Echo. After that, we need to find him" she replied, eyes looking everywhere.

"If it comes to that, perhaps" said Raven, increasing his pace.

It took about fifteen minutes to reach the kennels. She noticed that many of the hounds were out. Echo stood there, patiently, dark eyes keen on her.

"Well I tried to get him out with the other hounds," called out one of the last handlers left. "His Highness wanted the hounds to lead the strike. Echo here wouldn't go"

"Echo will not listen to anyone but me, I am afraid. He will do just as much good by my side" she replied, waiting as Echo came to her.

She half expected him to jump out, bark with excitement at her arrival. Instead, he was calm and alert, his eyes everywhere. His ears were cocked, tail upright. A slight growl twisted his lips, his eyes met hers.

"Echo, it's OK boy. Come on, come with me." she said, attempting to sooth him.

Still growling, he followed her small group as they made their way out gateway to the Wilds. The doors were fully open, allowing large groups out at a time. This bode well, as the army wouldn't be bottle-necked. She then heard the first sounds of thunder which seemed to harmonize with the war drums. _Rain_, she thought. _Just another thing to make this night wonderful_.

They made their way to the left of the gateway, facing the wilds. She paused a moment, looking at the forest with greater scrutiny. Long pines and cedars created natural walls to separate them from .. something. _It is dark, wet and cold. This is just a perfect setup! _ She sighed, rubbing her hands together to keep warm.

"Carver, please stay with me. Promise you won't get separated. We need to stay together" she asked, show her urgency with her gaze.

"Marian, I am not stupid. I will not run off like some recruit fresh from the fields. I know to stay." he growled, scowling at her.

She looked on the ground, right hand rubbing at her shoulders. She then faced him, drawing her lips in a thin line. "Carver, I didn't mean that! I just meant that" she whispered. "I just need to be close to you is all"

"Marian, I hardly heard you. It is quite loud out here. I know to keep close to you. You do not have to take care of me. I have been here just as long as you, I know how to handle myself," he grunted, clenching his jaw.

She let out a long drown out breath, and tried to grab his shoulder. He jerked away, glaring at her. "Marian, I think you need to worry about yourself, and less about me. I do not need you getting in my way"

"Fine," she hissed, feeling her eyes sting. "Fine, have it your way"

Carver only shrugged, and turned back to the trees, eyes intent. _Why does he keep doing this? Why does he push me away. This is a time we should stick together!_ Taking another deep breath, she attempted to stifle any emotion from showing on her face. She had mastered that technique well over the years.

"Jason?" she called, turning to him. "You find Evan? Is Samuel here?"

Jason turned to her, crossing both hands over his chest, looking at the forested gates. He shook his head. "No, I did not see him. I only briefly glanced around"

"OK, I'll go look" she replied, turning to go. She felt a hand on her shoulder, halting her progress.

"Hawke, you must stay here. Evan and Samuel will know where to go. We were told to wait" replied Raven, intense eyes looking into hers. "You must stay here"

"Raven, I am sure Evan can take care of himself. It's not him I am worried about. Sam, he's new. He is only a recruit. There are so many people, he could get lost out here" she sighed, chewing on her lip subconsciously.

"Be that as it may, that is not your job right now. Your job is to follow orders. Samuel will find where to go." Raven responded in an almost stern reproach.

"Sam! There you are! Almost worried you wouldn't show up!" called out Jason, a wide grin on his face. "Hawke here was beside herself!"

"Oh hey guys. I um got lost in the throngs of soldiers all around here. I was worried I would not find you!" yelled Samuel, excitement covering his features.

"Sam, I am glad you made it" she said, rolling her eyes at Jason. "Have you seen Evan?"

Samuel drew his brows together, eyes pointing to the right. "He came to my tent and pushed me awake, literally, and then was out the door. I have no idea where he went off to"

"OK..." she replied, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I-"

An intense rumbling struck through the ground. Wave after wave, she felt the vibrations under her boots. Her eyes snapped to the forest, but there was nothing. She noticed the others were doing the same, squinting their eyes, trying to see something...anything. The vibrations grew more intense, the shaking now a present sensation. _What is making the ground shake_, she wondered. _It can't be good! _

"Hawke, no matter what, you must stay with me. Do you understand?" said Raven, urgency in his voice.

"Yes?" she replied, uncertain. Raven usually only had one tone of voice, the annoying calm. His urgency made her uneasy.

"Good, it will be difficult in these masses of people, but we must stand together," he replied, looking at the entire group. Wide eyed stares answered in response.

"Um, where the hell is Evan?" she asked, looking at the trees, starting to notice shapes Silhouetted below the dark sky.

"Maker," breathed Jason, "I don't know where he is, Hawke," he replied, absently.

Hawke arched an eyebrow at him, he never called her Hawke!

Raging howls called out - along with snarls that bit into the night air. Turning her head to the right, she saw lines of Marbari leaping into the air, charging at different shapes forming from the mist out of the forest. Echo started to shake, snarling low in his throat. He looked like he was a drawn wire, ready to be strung.

"Echo, by me" she called, ensuring that he would stay by her side. She felt his eagerness and need to join his brothers and sisters in the first charge, but he stayed by her side. Their bond was greater than his nature, and for that she was thankful.

"Archers!" she heard called down the line. She watched as men pulled back their bows, the sound of the taut strings hissing in her ear. As one, arrows were shot into the sky, highlighted by the rain and fires that they brought with them.

Her group, at that point, saw their first glimpse of darkspawn. "Oh Maker," whispered Samuel, eyes widening. Dark forms were clearly visible at this point. Grotesque faces, hunched backs, and animistic urgency filled their foes. There would be no mercy, there would be no fear with the darkspawn. They would be a relentless driven force until the army was decimated. T_hese things should not exist! They are an affront to anything good and right._ _They only want to kill us, destroy us. They hate us!_ Her lips drew back, teeth showing. She thought of Bethany then and of her mother. She could see them cowering, holding on to each other, as the horde of darkspawn came upon them, hungry jaws intent on their necks. She screamed, throwing her anger to be mixed with the rain and the thunder. The wind seemed to encase her, her auburn hair running free with it. She drew her sword from her scabbard, hands clenching the grip. Brows arching at a dangerous decline, she snarled. A cry rose up, easily mixing in with the howling of the wind. She realized, the cry came from her mouth. She sprang loose, ready to charge. A hand held her back, her muscles taut.

"Hawke, wait for it. Wait for the call. Control yourself" hissed Raven, starting at her.

She attempted to push him away, growling every obscenity known to man."Hawke, control yourself. You know, this is not you. You must control yourself" Raven said in her ears, his voice heated.

"Hawke? Are you OK?" Sam asked, shaken. His pale white face looked up at hers, dark eyes seemed to tear at her. "Hawke?"

She shook her head, clearing her mind of whatever rage had taken control of her. "I, I am sorry. Thank you, Raven. I do not know what overcame me. I have never...felt that way before," she whispered, hands unconsciously brushing through the hairs on Echo's back.

"I understand, Hawke. We will discuss this when there is time" Raven replied, as another volley of arrows flew through the air.

Hawke watched, the rage still in the back of her mind, but not in the forefront. These beasts are...wrong, she thought. Her exhaustion from the day before vanished. Her aches and pain faded as if they never happened. She felt energized, adrenaline pumping through her. She needed to charge, but she waited. She knew she must wait.

The darkspawn grew closer, and the first lines of melee charged. Hawke growled, her voice crying with the voices of all the others as she charged. Raven did not hold her back this time.


	7. Page 7

**Author's Note: **Thanks so much for continuing to read this. Would love to get any reviews. This chapter was kind of difficult to get out for some reason

Bert-Wrighty - I agree about Carver. I really disliked him as a character, he was just so... well you know. Raven, you'll kind of learn more about him in the next chapter.

**Disclaimer**: Bioware and EA owns all

* * *

><p>Wind and rain became Hawke's constant companion. Those two elements did not hinder her, it gave her strength. Rain slashed hard upon both sides of the army, showing no quarter; the ground soon became wet with water and blood. Echo, normally a distant presence in her head, became a raging fire. They worked as one unit, he becoming an extended part of her. She had never felt this free before, never felt the grip of this frenzy that had only one release – darkspawn blood. The wind tore into her hair, pushing against her, as if to slow her progress. A tempest rose from within her, answering the wind's call, howling from her mouth. The gust of wind did not halt her, she danced through it as if she was born from its fury. She held her blade before her, her muscles taut in anticipation.<p>

Echo tore into the throat of one of the creatures, dark blood spraying from his maw. She turned her gaze to the side, and saw Raven was beside her. Raven had one of his blades impaled in the neck of one of one darkspawn, spinning he kicked at the head of another, knocking it back. He looked up and she caught his eyes, they were glowing _again_. She smiled a wolfish grin, sniffing in the blood and death of the field, a growl tearing from her lips. In a whirl of movement, she dashed towards darkspawn ahead of her, Echo at her heels. Her great sword hacked, running through it, almost as if it were made of air; there was no resistance to her swing. Suddenly, she felt a heaviness press against her back, although not physical in nature. Almost on impulse, she spun on her heal, blade raised to her left just in time to block a blow from another creature's sword. It's bony face grinned maniacally, taunting her with its milky white eyes. She ducked, and swung low, catching its legs with a loud clang. It backed away, its eyes measuring her, hesitant. The wind swept through her hair, strands of auburn hair escaping her hair tie. Her target crouched, holding its large sword in front, circling. It raised the blade again, attempting to strike her overhead, but she actually pushed it aside. Quickly, she drew her blade overhead, and bashed its pale neck in a powerful swing. There was no sound, or cry as it fell – only silence. Suddenly, the sounds of the battle tickled her senses and she looked around her. Echo was ripping into another darkspawn, pushing it to the ground. Carver, to his right, brought his sword into a downward arc, slicing into its skull. Jason was starting to back away, one of the larger darkspawn pressing on him. Echo growled, and charged it, huge paws pushing into its back. As it fell, Jason quickly recovered, and impaled it through the chest. He looked up at her, nodding. She allowed her gaze to survey the rest of the area. _Where is Sam? Where is Evan?_

Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours and the fighting went on. It seemed to have been hours - she wasn't sure; she just knew that her arms were heavy from the constant strain of combat. The darkspawn did not relent, their ranks contained no openings. When one went down, another quickly took its place. She saw that her group was being pushed back, with no pause for relief.

"Hawke!" shouted Raven, his voice carrying through the sounds of men dying. He pointed directly ahead. "Get to Samuel!"

_Samuel! Where is he? _She turned, adjusting her eyes to the dimly lit field, trying to decipher where Sam was among the throngs of men and monster. Squinting her eyes, she started to move forward, Echo moving to her side. "Sam!" she yelled, eyes darting left and right. Finally, further away, she saw him. He was being pushed towards the wilds, an angry darkspawn slashing at his throat. He had dropped his bow, nowhere to be seen. The only weapon he contained was a long sword, and he was ill trained on the use of it. He clumsily blocked the first strike, wide eyes darting around frantically. She ran, her blade held before her, but he was still to far away. He backed up further, slipping on the unstable, wet ground. He managed to role over, and get up, but his step was faltering. Hawke cried out his name, desperately trying to reach his side before the unavoidable happened. The darkspawn was on him, its barbed mace already swinging towards his side. She was almost to him, but the darkspawn had already completed his swing. Samuel cried out, falling to his knees, grabbing at his side. He held his sword up, in a frail attempt to block the next blow, as the darkspawn drew its mace back once more.

Hawke howled, hatred seeping through every pore of her body, as she launched herself on top of Samuel, holding her sword out to block the incoming strike. A thump filled the air as mace and great-sword crashed into each other. Echo, already in the air, bit into the darkspawns neck, blood mixing with the downpour of rain. The monster staggered back, its grip on its weapon loosening as Echo tore into it. She raised her blade over her head, growling her intent. She hacked in a downward angle, slicing through its armor, catching its stomach. It screeched, the contents of its stomach spilling out. It twisted in agony, gripped in violent convulsions.

All around her, there were more darkspawn. Her blood sang with the need to end them. She desired it above all else. Echo grew tense, looking as if he would leap, but turning to watch her, waiting, alert. Her fists clenched around her sword pommel, she started to turn. She would charge, she would kill them all! "Hawke?" whispered Sam, still underneath her. His voice was so soft she barely heard him, but it was enough to snap her back to reality.

Her eyes flashed to Samuel's, brows lowering. Blood covered the side of his shirt, barely visible, but she could smell it. "Sam, Sam? Come on, lets get you up," she said, her voice soft. _I was too late_, she thought, _too late._

"Sam, can you stand?" she asked, drawing her brows together.

He squeezed his eyes shut for a second, taking shallow breaths. Each breath seemed slower, more shallow, and she felt her heart drop at his gasps.

"I . I don't know. I .." he gasped.

She tried to help him up, but he screamed from her touch. Crying out in anguish, his hands clenched into fists, shuddering. He turned his face to her after a few moments, and opened his eyes. They were red-rimmed, the deep brown in his eyes seeming to pale._ Oh Maker, he was to young for this_, she thought, _not him, he is too young! _"Sam, it's almost over. We just need to get you to the wall so the medic can come get you. It will be alright"

"Hawke, I..I.. I'm sorry," whispered Samuel, sputtering. "Maker, hard to breath"

She put her hand on his brow, his face was clammy, his eyes starting to glaze over. "Sam, try not to speak, we just need to get you to the wall. Can you try to get up?" she asked, her voice rising. "You can do this!"

She tried to put her arms underneath him again, to pull him up, but he arched his back, falling back to the ground. He closed his eyes tightly, she noticed moisture moving from the lids. "No, Hawke, Can't take …." he moaned, "hurts. Please, Hawke"

She glanced around, gaze frantic. She drew her eyes to his side, barely seeing his soaked shirt. _Maker, so much blood. _"Raven!" she cried out, hoping to catch his gaze. He was drawing one of his twin blades out of the back of one of the darkspawn.

"Raven! Jason! Carver!" she cried out again, hoping one of them would hear her, but it seemed that the sounds of battle drowned her out. "Hawke, I'm scared," Sam choked out. She cradled his head gently in her arms, her eyes gazing intently into his. She saw, in that moment, just how young he was. His face was clean shaven, barely showing any stubble, his body still clinging onto the vestiges of youth. Wide eyes stared into hers, his lips trembling. _How did I not see just how young he truly was, she berated herself, I failed him. I was too slow! If I had only ran faster!_ She looked around again frantically, darkspawn were everywhere. They had to get to the wall fast, or she would be forced to engage.

Raven turned to her, eyebrow arched. As soon as he saw the situation, he was up on his feet and bounding towards her. "Hawke, what is his condition?"

"A...a darkspawn got him on his side. He can't get to his feet, and he screams out when I try to carry him," she whispered, running her hands through Samuel's hair. She could at least offer him that comfort.

"Hawke, we have to get him to the wall. We are in the open here," Raven grunted, reaching down to pick Samuel up. Samuel screamed, writhing in agony. "Hawke, I need your assistance!" Samuel cried out, the sounds mostly smothered by the rain and screams of the men around them. She heard him though, and it shook something inside her. _He is so young, he shouldn't be here_. _I should have been faster, I should have protected him. _

They ran with a speed she did not know existed, towards the wall, passing Jason who was engaging two of the monsters. "Hawke, help him," Raven said, nodding in Jason's direction.

Hawke ran to assist him, feeling the wind at her back once more. The image of Samuel's broken body flashed in her eyes, spurring her on. _They did this_, she raged, _they did this! _She hacked into the side of one darkspawn, whirling to face the other, quickly taking it down.

"Marian, what happened?" Jason asked. Hearing her name, her eyes snapped to his. She clenched her sword handle tight in her hands, her nails actually digging into her skin. "He was hurt. I..I couldn't get to him fast enough"

"Marian, it's not your fault," Jason said, his eyebrows furrowing in concern.

"I wasn't fast enough. If I had been with him, I could have stopped it" she said, lips drawn.

Jason glanced around, grabbing her arm, pulling her to the wall towards Samuel and Raven. Carver, on the other side of him, caught his glance and made his way as well. Once there, Hawke was on her knees before Samuel, looking up at Raven.

"We have to remove his breastplate," he said, starting to undo the straps. "Hold him down"

He didn't say who should hold him down, but she put the palm of her hand on Samuel's chest. His eyes were clenched shut, sweat clinging to his brow. _I am so sorry, Sam. I am so sorry. _Samuel jerked again, his cries echoing into the night as Raven started relieving him of his breastplate. As Raven undid the straps, the air filled with the smell of leather, sweat and blood. She closed her eyes for a second, looking away. She felt a hand grip her shoulder, Jason offering his steady presence. She turned back to Samuel, watching as Raven examined him.

Raven looked up for a brief second, his eyes filling with resignation, before she heard his voice. "I am sorry, Samuel" he said, quietly. In that moment, she was certain she saw sorrow flash in Raven's eyes, vanishing in the next instant.

She felt her eyes heat, but she could not let any tears fall, not here. I was to slow_!_. Brief flashes of memory danced before her eyes. Samuel's eager enthusiasm at the camp fires at night. His eager assistance with the everyday tasks. How he would always volunteer to train and work with her in the sparring yard. He was a constant presence, and his fresh outlook on life was always an encouragement, even if sometimes a bother. _We were not prepared for this. We were not prepared for this loss. Before now, we lost no one. Who has he left behind? Did he have a girlfriend back home. Did he have parents who would grieve him because of my failure? _

"Raven, we can get him to the entrance, surely he can be healed!" she begged, eyes full of desperation.

"I am sorry, Hawke, he will not make it" Raven replied, his eyes looking away.

"Hawke...I...I .." Samuel sputtered, blood dripping his lips. _His blood will always be on my hands_.

"Sam, Sam...I am sorry. If I.." she started, her eyes searching his.

"Wasn't ...you..." he cried out, breath labored. "Sorry"

She looked into his eyes, noticing their light dimming. He breathed one more shallow breath, and then nothing. Raven whispered something under his breath, and softly closed Sam's eyes.

A distant roar echoed around the area, the ground starting to shake. "Hawke..." called out Carver. "Hawke, Maker, look!"

Hawke stood and looked where Carver pointed. The tremors around her feet grew stronger, but her balance remained. Ahead, at the forest edge, huge distinct shapes began to appear. Loud bellows raged from that direction, the shaking intensified.

"The signal light. Look!" Raven called to her. She looked at him perplexed, her eyebrows drawn together. "Hawke, two wardens were sent to the tower there to signal for Teryn Loghain to flank the darkspawn. That should give us all time to regroup"

"Hawke!" yelled Carver. "Oh Maker!"

Massive ogres charged through the king's forces, knocking human and darkspawn bodies aside. Their charge caused more ripples to shake through the ground underfoot, causing many more combatants to lose their footing. Hawke gripped her great sword, and looked to Raven. Raven held his rapiers at the ready, eyes watchful. "Go!" he called, running towards the nearest ogre.

Hawke trailed him, watching the horrific monsters bear down on her. The wind tore into her again, almost pushing her towards her foe. She screamed in rage, holding her sword in a defensive position.

As an ogre appeared before her, she jumped to the side, missing its blow. It held what looked like a tree in its hand which it swung from overhead, barely missing her. Raven was already behind it, lunging one of his blades into its back.

She swung her great-sword, hacking it on the side, causing it to howl in fury. It faced her, and suddenly she found herself on the ground. She had no idea how she got there, her mind was fuzzy. She saw a tree falling towards her, confused she just watched it before common sense took over, and she managed to roll, missing its strike.

Carver and Jason attacked from its side, Jason bashing it with his shield. The beast roared and turned, giving her just enough time to stand. The ogre tried to swing at Jason, but he was already moving out of the way, while Carver and Raven bombarded it with frenzied strikes.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the ogre fell, causing the small group to almost lose their footing, as its fall caused the ground to shake violently. Hawke looked to see more darkspawn coming, ogres mixed within the horde. She charged, hoping that Loghain's men would relieve them soon. Their army would not stand long in these conditions. They fought on, waiting for relief, but that aid was not forthcoming. "Hawke, push back," called Raven, already moving back. "Carver, Jason, push back"

"What? Back? To the wall?" she asked, glancing over her shoulder.

"No past the wall, we have to make it to the main road. Loghain retreated the field!" growled Raven, lips in a downward angle.

"What? He retreated? We can't just abandon them!" she yelled, arms pointing to the men and women dying around her. "We have to help!"

"Hawke, it is lost. The forces are being overran. You must to safety!" Raven replied patiently as he took down another darkspawn humanoid creature.

"No!" she cried, glancing at Carver who was engaged with a darkspawn of his own. She turned to him, and caught it from the back. Looking up, she saw more ogres charging towards her.

She chanced a glance around the field. Men and women were falling, cries of pain resounding around her. Her eyes widened at the sheer vastness of the corpses littering the ground. The king's forces were quickly diminishing, and time was not on their side. Another darkspawn was on her, and she found herself being pushed to the wall._ I will not abandon anyone for my own safety_, she raged within herself. She looked up at Carver, seeing he finished with his target, and was moving to another. The ground started to shake, and an arrow went through her shoulder. She stumbled, clutching her shoulder, crying out in pain. _Carver, have to get to Carve_r. Two darkspawn was circling Carver, and a third was stalking him. _No, got to help Carver. _She tried to make it to him_, _stumbling along the way. The ground shook again, and she saw an ogre, its huge fists plummeting down on her. "Marian! Marian!" she heard Carver scream. She saw a flash of light, so brief, her cries mixing with the screams all around her, before darkness thankfully took her.

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><p>Light seeped through Hawke's closed eyes, as she found herself slowly gaining consciousness. She tried to open her eyes, but everything was blurry, and her head pounded as if someone swung a hammer upon it. She moaned, her hand moving to her head.<p>

"Look! She's gaining consciousness!" two shapes rushed to her, a wet cloth is placed on my head. It is cold, but it helps with the headache. "Get the mage!"

She tried to sit up but some type of force pushes against her chest, holding her where she laid. Her heart raced, as she starting writhing, the headache increasing in intensity.

"Hawke, you must stop moving. You were hit pretty bad. It is a miracle you made it. Please, try to sit still until a mage arrives" a quiet voice advises.

"Where? How?" she inhaled, trying once again to open her eyes. "Where am I?"

"She has awoken?" asked a woman's voice, hand touching my face. "This is a good sign"

"Yes, she has just recently" the man's voice replied, who she made out to be Raven's.

"Raven, what happened?" she asked, hissing as a sharp pain lanced through her head.

"Child, can you open your eyes?" asked the woman's voice.

"Barely, the light, it is to bright, it hurts" I replied, taking a deep breath.

"I see. Raven, I shall do another healing"

"Are you sure? You have overtaxed yourself already, Wynne" he replied, his voice showing a small amount of concern.

"I must. We have to move through here quickly, or the darkspawn will be upon us. I know my limits, dear" replied the voice, in a strict manner.

"I understand," he replied, and it sounded like he drew away.

Suddenly, Hawke felt warmth starting from her chin, spreading out through her entire face. The heat started intensifying, seeping from within, her entire body tingling with it. She took another deep breath, and opened her eyes. The pain was gone.

"Welcome back to the world, dear" said the woman who had healed her.

An older woman stood before her, gray hair pulled back in a band. She had sharp features, and a kind face.

"I .. thank you," Hawke replied, adjusting to the light.

"You gave your friends quite a scare, it was a miracle you made it this far. I am called Wynne," said the older mage, smiling.

"I .. I am Hawke. Thank you for this, I just don't know what happened," I said, my palm covering my forehead.

"I understand. I will let Raven explain. Before you ask, the other men in your group are here as well. Carver, I believe his name was, rests beside you. Your friend Jason and Raven drug you and Carver out of Ostegar. Your dog is here as well"

Flashes of memory began to emerge. She remembered Ostegar, all the darkspawn, her brother being overran. He was surrounded, darkspawn converging on him. They were all surrounded. She remembered Carver's cry, and then the ogre. She remembered the ogre bearing down on her, and then nothing. _Carver? Carver?_

"Wynne, you mentioned Carver? Is he well?"

"Like you, he had an arrow wound, in his leg. He was also hit pretty hard on the shoulder. We healed him, but he needs to rest. I believe you will be good as new tomorrow" she replied, smiling warmly.

"Thank you, Wynne" Hawke replied.

"It is no matter" Wynne said, patting Hawke on he shoulder. "Now, I must see to the others. It is good to see you up and about, Hawke"

"Raven," Hawke said, turning to him. "Why did you save me? Us? After I said that I wouldn't leave"

"My reasons are my own, Hawke. Suffice it to say, it was my duty" he replied, his gaze giving nothing away.

"I...I thank you for this, but" she started, frowning. "I feel like I should be back there with them"

_I should be back there with Sam, and all the others who gave their life. Instead I ran like a coward_, Hawke thought, _scowling_.

"Loghain already retreated the field. It was a waste of resources to stay in the engagement. It was better for any able bodied person to leave, so they could be ready to fight another day, if you will. If everyone had died in Ostegar, there would be no one left to recover" Raven replied, a distant look in his eyes.

"I .. I understand" she said, and she did. She understood his logic, but she still felt as if she had failed somehow.

"Hawke, you did everything you could do. Now, you must rest, because you will have to fight again. Just not now, do you understand?" he asked, intently meeting my gaze.

"Yes," I breathed, looking away, lips down turned.

"Good, you must rest" he said, starting to rise.

"Raven, if... if...the darkspawn overran the army, I need to get to Lothering. I cannot leave them," Hawke said, a pleading look in her eye. "I understand if you want to part ways, but I can't just leave them"

"I will help you, Hawke. We can make it there by nightfall tomorrow if we leave in the morning," replied Raven, nodding.

"Raven, thank you" Hawke replied, closing her eyes, not hearing his reply as sleep overtook her.


	8. Page 8

**Author's Note:** Thanks again to everyone reading this fiction. We are finally out of Ostegar! Yay! Let me know if you have any comments, ect.

I thought about calling this "Escape from Ostegar", but the words "Escape to witch mountain" kept pounding my head lol. But, it is a Journey to Lothering. Anyway, I am pleased with this chapter, I felt it more than the others. Hmm what to do with Raven. Hmm

**Disclaimer**: Bioware and EA owns all

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><p><strong>The Journey To Lothering<strong>

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><p>"<em>Mother, we have to keep moving," cried Bethany, glancing over her shoulder, her eyes wild.<em>

"_Bethany, I can't keep up. Oh, my girl, my Bethany, run! Leave me! Run!" cried Leandra, her eyes pleading. _

_Leandra's blue-grey eyes stared into Bethany's, the red signs of grief painting along the rims. Her daughter's lips pressed in a firm line, shaking her head frantically, moving a step closer. "No, mother. I won't leave you!" she cried. She took a deep breath, calming her features. "We will face them together" _

"_No, Bethany. I won't lose you! You need to get away! Please, I can't bare this!" her older woman cried, tears falling from her eyes. "Run, Bethany! Run now!"_

_They heard the sounds of footsteps running towards them, metal boots stomping the ground. Both women spun around, eyes wide in panic. Five figures stood before them, their armor gleaming in the midday sun. A large flaming sword was engraved on the front of each figure's breastplate. "The templars .." Bethany breathed, backing away._

_The templars did not look human, steel gauntlets held massive swords to the front of their hulking frames. The one in the lead actually seemed to be caressing his blade, eyes hid behind a steel helmet. A guantleted finger pointed at Bethany, and as one, they each moved forward. Both women moved back, stumbling, eyes wild. _

"_Bethany, please run," hissed Leandra in a hiss, backing away. **These men did not seem to want to apprehend, they wanted to kill.**_

_Bethany screamed, eyes moving about frantically. Backing up, her heel stumbled on a rock; she fell hard. She lay on the ground, and they were nearly on top of her. She screamed again, hands clawing through the dirt around her. Suddenly, the templar changed, their armor melting away, turning. Pale milky white eyes stared down at her, lips twisted with malicious intent. No hair rose from their heads, sharp canine teeth sprouted from thin lips. Loud grunts and guttural moans filled the air, and large hands reached for her. A scream rose into the air, Bethany's mother tried attack with just her hands, trying to divert their attention. With a shrug, one of the horrible monsters impaled her through the throat, giving a low, rasping laugh. Bethany screamed, her eyes swimming with fear. As one, many hands reached for her, clawing, grasping._

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><p>Hawke awoke, grasping for breath, her sister's name escaping her lips. <em>Bethany<em>! Her heart beat at in increased pace, feeling the pain of it in her chest. She took a deep breath, looking wide-eyed at the ceiling. She shuttered, still feeling the after affects of the nightmare. _First templars, and now we have darkspawn to worry about a well_, she thought, shaking her head at the madness of it all. Taking another deep breath, she sat up, the sounds of the campsite already bustling with activity penetrating her senses. Dawn finally crept across the campsite, peering first through the overhead canopies provided by the many trees of the forest, and then prickling through the many branches, down to where she sat. She finally took note of her surroundings, and noticed she was in some type of enclosure. It was too large to be a tent, but the walls seemed to be constructed of leather, hides and cloth. Different sleeping mats lay strewn all around her, men and women buried in various furs. _Tent for the injured_. She looked around, and saw that Jason and Carver were directly beside her. Echo laid on the foot of her sleeping mat, his head resting on her leg. She gently reached over and ran her fingers over his head, smiling affectionately. He whimpered, and nuzzled her further. _Oh Echo, thank the Maker you made it. _She glanced towards Carver, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She crawled off of her mat, stopping before his. "Carver, Carver? Are you awake?" She shook his shoulder, hoping to awaken him.

"Carver! Wake up!" she said more urgently, shaking him again.

He mumbled, and trying to turn away, but she pulled him back. "Carver!" she hissed. Finally, after a moment, chocolate brown eyes stared back at her.

"Marian? What? Go away," he asked, his voice thick with sleep.

"Wake up. Do you remember what happened yesterday?" she asked.

"I ..." he started, his eyes peering up and to the right. His brows knitted together, finger touching his forehead. She bit her lip as she watched him attempt to recall the events leading to this moment. His eyes cleared, and they to hers. He drew his brows together, eyes narrowing. "Yeah, Ostegar," he replied, his lips in a thin line. "Loghain never joined the battle, and there were so many darkspawn. Raven said we should leave, but _you_ refused. You just _had_ to play hero, as usual," he said, rolling his eyes. "You can't go a day without shoving your noble intentions down everyone's throat"

_He's blaming me? Noble intentions? What? _"We couldn't just leave people to die, Carver!" she said, heatedly.

"Yeah, and your doing so almost got us killed!" he growled, hard eyes on hers. "It's not like we could have done much else. There was no one to save!"

"People were still alive, Carver. I saw them before..." she replied, eyes arched in a dangerous angle. The ogre, she remembered the ogres who had slain so many.

_The shadow of an ogre fell upon her, saliva dripping from its mouth. It held its head back and shot a long penetrating roar. She looked up at it, gasping, her one hand timidly touching the arrow piercing her shoulder. Sharp pain invaded her senses. It felt like fire, intense and burning, mixed with ice. She saw her brother, surrounded by darkspawn, eyes wide with frantic hopelessness. Fire rose up all around her, some of it extinguished by the rain. It was wet, and she felt sluggish. Carver screamed her name as she felt something hammer into her, the force of it taking her breath away. Her name ringed in her ears before darkness..._

She shivered as the memories of that night occupied her mind. She closed her eyes, shaking her head to clear herself of those thoughts. _So many people dying, so many cries_, she thought, lips pursed.

"They were dead, Marian! Dead! That was it! You couldn't have saved anyone! It is so like you, though. You have to always be the knight in shining armor, who saves the day. Guess what! You failed!" he replied fiercely, his voice growing louder.

"What! The ogres were everywhere, we had to fight! Are you telling me you could just watch as they ran down everyone around you? What is wrong with you?" she said, her voice biting.

"What I wrong with me? I was being practical! You, you were just running towards your death. Next time, keep me out of your need to sacrifice us for the good of all" he said, his eyes drilling into hers.

"How could you say that, Carver? I have done nothing but try to support you. I tried to stay by your side or close to you the entire battle! I would never sacrifice your life!" she replied just as fiercely. _What is wrong with him?!_

His fist pounded the mat by her feet, the sound resonating through the area, causing her to jump. "I didn't ask for that. I did not need you. I was fine on my own. Again, you are trying to play hero, trying to jump where you are neither wanted or needed!" He glared at her, his face contorted. He grabbed her arm, squeezing it so tight, leaving white spots where his fingers gripped. "I wish, I wish you had not followed me when I decided to enlist in the army. I did not want you there, but you had to come. You just had to come to the rescue because your little brother just couldn't handle it! You just had to save your little brother. Well, guess what. I did not want you there! I do not need you! I wish..you weren't here! I wish you were out of my life! I wish I did not know you! That ogre the other night, I wish it...it would have been so much better if.. the ogre"

Her face paled, small prickles of heat stabbing into her eyes. She felt a tear escape, her lips twitching. _He hates me, how could he hate me_? _Why! What is wrong with me that my own brother hates me!_ It hurt, his vehemence, it hurt bad. She closed her eyes, fist on her forehead, breathing deeply. She tried to reply, but nothing came, just an agonized gasp. She looked up at him, feeling tears escaping. She looked down again, hugging her arms to her shoulder. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. _The ogre,_ she felt horror grip her again, remembering as it bore down on her? _Carver wanted it to have me?_ She looked up at him again, her eyes shining with righteous tears and anger. His eyes were wide, eyes arched in horror. He swallowed, the blood draining from his face. "Marian, I … I .. I didn't mean... I ..." he started.

"Carver, I think it is time you calm down. Everyone still feels the effects of what happened in Ostegar. You feel anger, that is good. Use that anger on the darkspawn, not your sister," Raven said in a stern tone.

"I .." Carver started, eyes warring between anger and remorse. "You are right. I apologize, Raven. I should not have lost myself, here of all places. Marian.."

Marian felt bitterness crawl up her spine, weighing heavy in her heart. "Marian? The people who don't know me, call me Hawke. Maybe you should to," she whispered, her eyes staring pointedly at his. He lowered his eyes, face becoming paler.

Raven just watched him, arms to his side, brow arched. "Hawke, you need to calm yourself as well. There was much death the other night, it affects us all. We can be forgiven for our word, at least now, I think. As for you, Carver, I think you do not need to lose yourself anywhere"

Hawke gasped, a small cry escaping her lips. She also looked down, shame heating her face. _I can't handle this. I can't handle him_. Carver's words hit her hard. Then she thought about what Raven said to Carver just now, and she couldn't help it. Though she still felt the heat of the moment, her lips quirked up at the corners. "Did my ears deceive me, or did Raven just tell a joke?" she whispered, lips still trembling.

Raven looked at her, a wry smile forming on his lips. Shaking his head, he studied her for a few seconds. "No, Hawke. I am merely saying that in the heat of battle we sometimes say things we do not mean. You know, Carver pushed himself at the ogre that felled you. It caught him by the arm, and tossed him aside, and he received a broken arm for his efforts. But, it brought you some time. Time enough for Jason to pull you away, so that we could dispatch the beast"

"I … Carver," Hawke whispered softly, nodding to Carver, but unable to meet his eyes. "Thank you, Carver"

Carver's face rose a healthy shade of red. He drew his eyes down and shrugged. "It was nothing, sister. You are my blood, I could not let it have you"

"I ... I feel the same way" she said, flashing him a watery smile.

Carver scowled again, brows furrowed. "Just next time, please don't play hero. I would rather not feel the pain of a broken arm!"

Hawke felt a pang in her heart. Looking away once again, she felt the blood drain from her face. "I am sorry, Carver, I never wanted you to get hurt," she whispered. Carver only shrugged - his only response.

"Ugh, my head feels like someone used it in place of a tree for shopping wood!" groaned a disheveled Jason.

"Jason!" she cried, a huge grin forming on her lips. She quickly ran to his side, arm on his shoulder. "I am glad you are up"

"Hi, Marian! You are a site for sore eyes. I was worried about you!" he said, grinning. His smile abruptly faded. "I thought we lost you. You were so cold, and your pulse was so soft." He looked at her again, this time taking note of her eyes glinting with tears. "Marian, what is wrong?"

"Nothing," she replied, her voice thick.

"Marian .." Jason started, his eyes boring into hers.

"I said, nothing, Jason," she replied, looking away. "At least, nothing I want to talk about right now"

"OK, I will let it go for now," he said, his tone letting her know he would not forgot. "Anyways, I am just so glad... you are here, alive"

She bowed her head, then looked up, her eyes soft. "I am sorry, Jason. I .." she started, and then a lopsided smile formed on her lips. "I guess it wasn't a good time to take a nap"

Jason sighed, and then smiled warmly. "Must you always jest?"

She squeezed his shoulder, arching an eyebrow. "If I didn't, you'd worry someone took my place!"

He shook his head, grinning. "Have you had word on Evan?" she asked, looking around the 'tent'. "I do not see him in here at least"

Jason's smile fell, sorrow forming in his eyes. "We never found him. He never joined us at the wall. I do not know what became of him. He .. he is not here"

She took a deep breath and squeezed his arm. "I am sorry, Jason. I …maybe he did get out, and is at some other camp?"

"I don't know. I hope so, but he chose to leave us. He chose to leave his own blood, to stand near the captain, hoping to .. I don't know," he replied bitterly, scowling.

"I know, Jason. I'm just sorry it happened like that," she whispered, brows furrowed.

"Well it's just the way he is. He has always been that way, looking out for hi own neck. He probably didn't think of me at all when the army was routed," he replied, his eyes dark. "I hope he is happy and alive wherever he is. Maybe he will perchance get in touch with us back home, so we all at least know he's alive. Mother will at leave have that and won't be so heartbroken at his not returning with me"

"Well, maybe he will get back home in time, and you'll return together, or he before us, you never know," she said.

"Maybe, but I wouldn't stake my life on it. He probably isn't even thinking about how anyone will feel, or that anyone will be crushed with the fear of his passing," he said. He looked at her, his gaze soft. "Marian, you have been a good friend. I just want you to know, I love you. I was so terrified when I saw you broken after the ogre .." he said, his tone fierce.

"I.. now don't you start falling for me, Jason. You know you are not my type!" she said, slapping his back.

"Marian!" he started, then he sighed. "Marian, you'll never change, but I love you just the way you are. I wouldn't want you to. Anyways you know I only have eyes for one person"

"Yeah, every day I have had to listen to your whining over her. It gets tiresome! When we get back home, I swear, I am going to grab Bethany, and lock you two in a room together, somewhere!" she laughed. Suddenly, her face fell. _Home, I hope I still have a home to run back to. Maker, keep them safe. The templars...the darkspawn...Maker_, she pleaded within her thoughts.

As if reading her mind, Jason grabbed her other hand, looking into her eyes. "Marian, they will be OK. Trust me in this, they will be waiting for us. We will grab them and find somewhere safe to go. I promise! We will all get out. You will then be able to put Bethy and me in a room together alone, and all will be well in the world!" he said, a warm smile on his face.

"Maker's breath, shut up about my sister, there you go again, Jason. I don't know if I should punch you in the face, or push you on her. She's my twin though, so you better act honorably," Carver said, steel in his tone. He then smiled at Jason, "But I approve, my friend"

"Well at least that is one thing we agree on," she mumbled, voice to low for them to hear.

"What, Marian?" asked Jason, arching an eyebrow. "You were speaking to low"

_I'm surprised my dear brother isn't spouting off about how you are not good enough for his sister, and blaming me for that, too, _she thought_. _Instead, she gave a small smile, not quite reaching her eyes. "I said you read my mind. Yeah, I was worried about them, and hoping they are safe"

Squeezing her arm once again, Jason looked at her, eyes narrowed. Sighing, he rose to his feet, taking in the hurried movements all around him. "If we are going to get to Lothering, we should go soon. Maker, did the darkspawn follow us?"

Raven settled his gaze on him, giving a slight now. "There have been no reports of darkspawn this far north. It seems they have not moved from Ostegar. However, I spoke with Hawke last night. I told her I would accompany all of you"

Jason looked taken aback. "Raven, that is kind of you. Are you sure? I .. well you are not obligated"

Raven nodded, and gave a rare smile. "Jason, of course I will help you. Do not worry about that,". Looking at the others, he sighed. "Well it looks like we have to gather or meager possessions so we can push out as soon as possible. We have a long trek ahead of us." Working together, the small group gathered what they could carry, and headed out of the 'tent'.

* * *

><p>Raven led the small group through the encampment, stopping briefly to enjoy some breakfast. "I am glad to see you are awake, and recovered," said Wynne smiling at Hawke. "I am glad you all are"<p>

"Thank you, Wynne, for all you did" said Hawke, grasping Wynne's arm. "We would not have made it if it weren't for you"

"You are too kind, Hawke. Again, it was not a problem. It makes me happy to help, wherever I can. I enjoy healing more than destruction," she said, offering a warm smile, her eyes bright. "Are you heading off now?"

"Yes, we are heading to Lothering. They all have family there, and we must evacuate them," replied Raven, finishing his meal.

"Ah, I wish you luck on your journeys, please keep yourself safe," said Wynne, bowing her head.

"Thanks," came a grumbled response from Carver. "And, I wish to thank you as well, Wynne"

"You are most welcome, Carver," she said, smiling.

Jason, who was busy grabbing his breakfast, glanced up, nodding at Wynne. "Wynne, has anyone else trickled in?"

Wynne looked at him, sorrow tracing her eyes. She looked down, flexing her finger. "No, Jason, I am sorry. It is hard, knowing there is so many people, and I was not able to help them," she said softly.

Jason nodded, swallowing hard. "Thank you, I … I guess I will eat this wonderful breakfast," he said, attempting a smile, which looked more like a grimace. Hawke closed her eyes, and then grabbed his shoulder, squeezing it once. "We still don't know, Jason. Remember, Evan could..."

Jason stopped her from finishing the sentence, looking up. "It's OK, Marian. I guess we will see. I just...don't want to be the one to tell my mother" he whispered. Hawke nodded, offering him the warmth of her glance.

She smiled once again at Wynne before turning her eyes to the road. It would take most of the day to reach Lothering, and that is if I was an uneventful trip. If they ran into anything, it could take longer. Hawke took a deep breath, then glanced at Raven.

"OK, let us leave this place," said Raven, striding towards the forest.

"Raven, do you know where to go?" asked Hawke, arching a brow, tossing a wry grin.

"Yes," he simply replied, and resumed his pace at the lead. The rest stumbled after him, Echo bounding behind with excited barks. She sighed, closing her eyes briefly to hide the worry. I_ hope the path will be uneventful. _

* * *

><p>The path to Lothering was strange. They had left just after dawn broke, and had walked miles. It was just after noon, and still they walked; they had only stopped once, and that was to break for lunch. It was strange because the path was quiet. <em>Maker, too bloody quiet.<em> It was as if all of the denizens of the forest packed up and left. Even the songs from birds had quieted, dampening their spirits. Jason studied the trees with a thoughtful frown, trailing behind Hawke. He looked this way and that, eyes always searching. She slowed her pace so that she was walking to the side of him, tapping him on the shoulder.

"Jason, what is wrong?" she asked.

"I don't know. For the past few hours, it has been dead silent. There is _nothing_... have you ever been in these parts, and it was this quiet?" he asked, looking troubled.

She furrowed her brows, her lips in a straight line. She regarded him for a moment, and then looked through the trees as well. She had only went this far a couple of times, and that was on the scouting missions. It was never this quiet, though. At least, they should hear the birds sing. She sighed, and looked towards the trees. "I agree with you, Jason," she said softly. "It has been way to quiet"

Suddenly, Raven stopped ahead. He walked towards them, stopping their progress. "Be on your guard," he told the group, catching all of their glances. "I do not think are alone long"

Raven returned to the head of their line, his pace remaining the same, walking as nothing was wrong. _Maker, Does nothing affect him?! How can he be so calm!_ She slowed her steps so that she was just in front of Carver, trying to listen for anything that could warn them of any threat. She heard nothing. She abruptly felt a strange prickle of awareness, faint goosebumps trailing along her spine. _Someone __**was**__ watching_. She readied her great sword, holding it in front of her.

"Marian?" asked Carver, his lips turned downward. "What are you doing'

"I have a feeling, Carver. Raven's right, something is out there. Close by, I can feel it," she said, her shoulders tensing.

"Marian, you just feel that way because Raven said to keep on your guard. It is just a nervous reaction"

"Carver, I know how I feel," she said, gripping her sword pommel tighter. "You know, I get these feelings sometimes." Carver merely shrugged, pointedly ignoring her. She sighed, there was nothing she could do right now to change his demeanor. All she could do is try to be close by when he needed her. She felt a sad smile form on her lips. _He will always resent me. Maker, he wanted the ogre.._. She shut her eyes, Shrugging her dark thoughts away. She resumed scanning the forest along with Jason, eyes watchful.

Suddenly, Echo let out a deep growl, his eyes wary, hackles raised. She stopped, looking about her, not hearing any threat. She looked to her left, and saw Raven was once again at her side, both rapiers glinting from light of the sun, almost blinding her. Carver slowly rose his blade, circling, trying to find any threat. _Well, looks like I was right_, she thought, smiling sardonically. Echo growled again, his lips curled back, showing sharp white teeth. She heard it then, a twig snapping as well as the faint sounds of footsteps brushing on leaves nearby. She still did not know from what direction it came.

"Be ready," whispered Raven, briefly glancing at the group.

Echo's growls came more frequent, barking at whatever threat lay in the woods. His back was tense, ready to spring. She knew how that felt, she felt it too. She heard them then, a low buzzing sound, combined with low guttural moans that made her skin crawl. Darkspawn, they were here.

"Raven!" she called.

"I know," he replied, looking towards her. "I hear them"

The first darkspawn roared out of the woods, its sword raised high. It screamed its rage, teeth gnashing in the empty air. Echo lunged for it, snapping at it's throat. Another came behind the first, running straight for Jason, its arm outstretched. Jason blocked its progress with his shield, bashing the disgusting creature to the ground. He lifted his foot, pushing it down with deadly force. There was a crack, and then a gurgle. He crouched, turning to face a third.

Hawke closed her eyes, a soft wind coming from out of nowhere, embracing her. _Focus, I gotta focus_. She breathed in the battle lust she was feeling, cold eyes peering at the dark figures running at them. The darkspawn backed up, spreading out, watching them warily. _There's only ten! We can do this! _She kept her eyes shut, remembering the lessons of her father.

* * *

><p>"<em>Marian, do you see the target?" her father asked a young Marian Hawke, in a soft whisper.<em>

"_Yeah, daddy, I see it," she replied, eyes excitedly watching the target in front of her._

"_You must calm yourself. You need to find your inner calm, sweetheart," he said, his hand on her shoulder._

"_Inner calm? You always tell me that and nothing happens. I always miss it anyways," she said, lips pursed in a pout._

"_Marian, if you do this, you will be able to feel the target. You will be able to anticipate any future movements for any intended target you may have, like a deer for instance. You would be able to feel the currents of the air, and know how the arrow will fly. That is important, sweetheart, in any type of situation where you have to use a weapon," replied her father. _

"_I don't even know what the 'currents of the air' is, father," she said mumbling, lips still in a small frown._

_Her father laughed, his eyes twinkling. "The currents are the way the wind moves the arrow, the arrow is always going to be affected by an external force before it hits it's target. If do as I say, you will be able to anticipate it," her father said, squeezing her right shoulder._

"_Fine," she said, shrugging. _

_Little Marian closed her eyes, trying to calm her beating heart. She was so excited, but that was not calm! She took a deep breath, visualizing something boring, like her dad instructed. She thought of herself listening to the chantry sister preach about the Maker. **Yeah, that is boring, maybe that make me calm.**_

_She took her bow, stretching the bowstring back. She looked at the target, saw the little circle where the arrow should hit. **Chantry sermon, boring chantry sermon**. She let the arrow loose, and it flew right past the target!_

"_Marian, you did not find your calm," her dad said, glancing at her._

"_I thought about the boring chantry sister preaching about the Maker. That is boring! That should have worked. Daddy, it won't work for me, I am not a mage like you!" she cried, crossing her arms._

_Her father sighed, and let out a long breath. "Marian, being a mage does not matter. Thinking about something boring will not help you. You need to think about something that makes you feel safe, that doesn't excite you. Think about a place you might go where you can be by yourself with just your thoughts. Think about how you feel there, what kind of scents are in the area, what does it sound like? Think on that" _

_Little Marian closed her eyes once more. She thought of the tall oak, down the hillside near their house. It was her oak, no one came there. She always smelled the fresh air there, mixed with the wood and the different flowers that might be littered in the area. She always heard the songs of the different birds hovering overhead. She always felt safe there, and it was where she went when she was sad, angry, or just wanted to be by herself. _

_She took a deep breath, and opened her eyes, seeing the target. She felt the wind breath into her hair, her lungs filling with...something. She felt different, she felt .. she couldn't explain it. She grabbed another arrow, stretching it within the bow string, watching the target. She felt the small whispery prickles of air that pushed at the target. Confused, she shook her head._

"_Dad, I .. I felt … it was scary," she said, throwing her bow down._

"_Marian, you found your inner calm!" her dad smiled at her, lips in a wide grin. "You felt the anticipation. Please try again"_

_Taking another deep breath, she grabbed the bow and arrow. She closed her eyes, concentrating. She stretched the arrow within the bow string yet again, going back to her 'special place' in her mind. Again, she felt the wind playing with her hair, strands of it tickling her face. She felt the pin pricks of air that hit the target. She took her aim, opening her eyes. She let the arrow loose, and watched in disbelief as the arrow went into the center of the circle etched on the target._

"_Daddy! I did it," she cried, a huge smile tugging on her lips. Her father picked her up, swinging her around, "Yes you did!"_

* * *

><p>She eyed her foes, crouching, waiting. She heard the twing of an arrow let loose, and felt her heart lurch. A<em>rchers, they have archers!<em> "Hawke! We must take down the archers!" yelled Raven, as if reading her mind.

She closed her eyes, letting the calm take her. She felt heat take her eyes for a moment, and then it was gone. Growling, she charged into the enemy ranks, ducking. An arrow came at her, but she dodged it deftly. Spinning, she ducked, and then dashed to her side, missing another arrow a mere inch from her face. She shifted to the right, just out of reach of another darkspawn's swing, its ugly blade hitting nothing but air. She ducked, as another aimed for her head. _Just got to keep going, just got to keep moving_. She heard howls of rage all around her as darkspawn fought relentlessly. Smiling madly, she finally reached one of the archers. It's eyes opened wide, a snarl on its lips. It tried to back away, its bow dropping useless to its side. She gave it a toothy smile, baring her teeth. As if she was the the wind itself, she hacked her way through it. She did not stop to swing, the swing flew with her, climbing with her momentum. Grinning wildly, she turned to the next archer, but saw Echo was already upon it. The other archer screeched, trying in vain to push the mabari off of it. She ran to them, the butt of her sword catching it on the face, hearing a loud thwack. She turned, there were five darkspawn remaining, their attention solely on Jason. _He pissed them off_, she grinned at the thought. _He does look kinda ugly with that shield_.

She ran at the group of darkspawn, stopping directly behind them. She leaped into the air, a cry of rage escaping her lips as she crashed down on them with immense force. Two of them fell at her feet, their blood pooling over her feet. _Just three left_. Raven pierced one of the three through the forehead, twisting away before thrusting his other rapier into the back of the second. Echo leaped onto the third, throwing it to the ground. At that point, it was dispatched quickly. _That's the last of them_!

Her group shot wary eyes around the area, but no other darkspawn poured through the woods. With caution, they waited, muscles tense. "There does not seem to be any more, It might have just been a forward party. That does not exactly bode well, though. It means that they will be coming through, but we might just have enough time to make it to our destination before the horde pours through" said Raven, sheathing his scabbards.

"I understand," she replied, feeling drained for some reason.

She looked to her brother, scanning him for any injury, hopefully without him being aware. He didn't seem to have a mark on him. She let out a breath and turned her attention to Jason. Jason had his hand covering his upper arm, clenching his teeth.

"Jason, are you hurt?" she asked, a slight frown on her lips.

"Just a scratch, Marian," he replied. "Just looking for some cloth to bandage the wound"

Raven looked at him, his eyes blinking with concern for a moment, and just as quickly his eyes were clear of it. "Jason, here, I have this still. Wynne gave it to me before we left," he said, bandaging Jason's upper right arm.

"OK, Jason. Stop trying to offer yourself for their target practice!" She replied, a broad grin on her face.

"Oh Marian, they can't seem to see past me. It must because of my charming demeanor" he replied, eyes glinting with amusement.

She grinned, glancing around her once again. It was quiet now, almost too quiet, but she was relieved nothing was charging towards them. Echo stood at her feet, eyes looking for hers. Biting her lip, she ran her fingers through his fur, absentmindedly. Raven nodded, before resuming his pace. He led the small group forward, but this time his pace was hurried. They ran in a medium gait, pausing briefly to catch their breath. If the darkspawn forward troops were as close to catch them before, there would be more out. They had to get to Lothering before the horde reached them.

At one of the breaks, Jason clutched his stomach. "Oh Maker," he said, "Something I ate isn't agreeing with me!"

"Jason, will you be OK?" Marian asked, her hand on his brow – it felt warm.

"Yeah, just my stomach. I'll be able to keep up. I just hate this!" he sighed, gagging.

Jason went into the trees pretending to relieve himself, but she heard his faint gags. Raven and Carver were whispering in the other direction, and they didn't seem to hear. Sighing, she hoped his illness would pass. It would be difficult for him to keep this pace, if not.

After a moment or two, he came back, breathing rapidly. She looked at him, wrinkling her brows together in concern. "Jason, are you sure you will be OK?"

"Yeah, just gotta catch my breath. I'll be OK in a moment," he said, nodding.

After about ten minutes more of resting, they resumed their jog, so many trees flying past them. As they drew further in the forest, they started to hear the different sounds of the forest again. Hawke smiled in relief, the lack of sound making her very uncomfortable. She closed her eyes and willed herself to keep running. _Maker, I am tired. If I'm tired, Jason must be exhausted!_

As if reading her mind once again, Jason suddenly stopped. "Raven," he panted. "Can we rest for a second, I … I feel like I can't breath"

She glanced at Jason over her shoulder, her heart skipping a beat when she faced him fully.

"Jason?" she whispered, "You..."

He faced her, his skin growing pale. _Maker, how did this happen in the short time we took a break till now?_ Black veins began to spread from his throat, little spidery tendrils stretching out towards the rest of his body. His eyes sank into his skull, the sockets dark and shadowed. He was standing on shaky feet, eyes wild and desperate. "Raven, I need...I can't .." He gulped, gasping for breath. "Can't breath"

His feet grew unsteady and he collapsed. "JASON!" she cried, falling to her feet at his side. "Jason!"

"I am sorry, Hawke," said Raven, coming behind them. He had one of his rapiers out, hand readied.

"Raven? What are you doing?" she asked, lips trembling.

"Hawke, he is turning," Raven replied in an even tone. "There is no cure. He is dying a horrible death right now. The least we can do is take his pain"

She gasped, throwing her wild gaze towards Carver and Jason. _Noo! This can't be happening! Noo! _"No," she whispered, glaring at Raven. "No!" she screamed out, her fierce glare directed towards him. "How can you say that! He just needs a healer!"

Carver stood behind her, eyes downcast. He tried to put his hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged it off violently. He closed his eyes, lips curling as she watched him walk away. _Jason, please Maker no! _Jason looked up at her, his eyes glazing over.

"Marian," he panted. "I can't .. " .. pant .. "catch" .. pant .. "my breath"

"no," she cried out, clutching her fists. _He is OK, he just needs a healer, that is all_. "You just need a healer, Jason. It will be OK"

"Hawke, he has been affected with the darkspawn corruption," said Raven, his tone still disturbingly calm.

"What? What are you saying? He is just sick! He just needs a healer" she hissed, standing between him and Jason.

"Hawke, he is already dying. There is nothing that can be done for him. Healing magic will not fix this" replied Raven, patiently.

She glared at him, her own sword out of its scabbard._ I will kill him, I swear, I will kill him Raven tries anything!_ "If you come near him, I will kill you," she said, her tone cold and hard.

"Marian, stop" Jason said, gasping for breath. "He's right..."

Hawke looked at Jason, her eyes wild. _Raven, I will kill you_. "Don't listen to him, Jason. He doesn't know what he is talking about. I will kill him before I let him touch you"

"Carver saw, sick tent, man with corruption," Jason breathed out, wheezing.

"NO!" she gave him a little shake, as if her will alone can change the situation. "No,"

"Sister, he is right," started Carver, cautiously turning his head to her. "There was a soldier at the fort who was dying of the corruption. The healers tried, but there was nothing they could do. They said the only cure is a quick death"

"No," she whispered, feeling tears fall. "I can't lose you Jason. I can't"

Jason smiled weakly, his lips twitching. "You'll do it, right?," he whispered, the breath all but fading from his lungs. "Tell Bethy I love.."

"How … how can I do that? How?" she asked. _Oh Maker, not like this_. _I can't do this! I can't do this! _Her fingers curled into the front of his tunic, hiding her face in his shirt, sobs escaping her lips. "I can't"

"Marian, please" he gasped, reaching out for her. "It hurts"

_No, Maker, I can't do this. Maker, I can't think. You can't be asking me to do this, no please no!_ She sat up, wiping the tears from her eyes. "You were like a brother to me, Jason. I … I ….I will tell Bethany what you wish. I.I can't do this, Maker. How can I do this? I can't lose you. Please, Jason."

Jason cried out, his body seeming to curl in on itself with a tormented shiver. She took his head and gently laid it on her lap, placing a kiss on his brow. Tears fell unchecked down her face, her eyes feeling so heavy... so exhausted. She released a long breath, closing her eyes briefly. _Maker, no!_ Finally, she looked to Raven. Raven nodded, and handed over one of his Rapiers. She closed her eyes again, lips trembling as Raven and Carver walked away to give her privacy.

Closing her eyes, she positioned the rapier above his heart, his eyes pleading with hers. He nodded desperately, another convulsion shaking her body. Sobbing, she pushed the blade into his chest, choking sobs causing her body to shake with the force of them. "Marian, " he choked out, gasping his last breath. She lay her head back over him, howling her grief atop his chest. I killed him, how could I kill him. Flashes of his smile, the many times his smile made the world a brighter place assaulted her. Memory after memory plunged into her, pounding into her head intensely. She sobbed, crying out words that were not coherent._ I killed him! I killed him! _Flashes of his face, his look of resignation in his eyes as she forced the blade into him, invaded her. _I killed him, Maker, I did this. I killed him_._ Please Jason will you ever forgive me? Oh Maker, Bethany will you hate me? I have lost everyone. Carver hates me, Bethany will hate me. I am alone._ Finally, after some time, she quieted, the occasional sob escaping her lips. _I killed … him ... it should have been me. Maker, it should have been me. His blood.. oh Maker his blood. _

Raven made his presence known once again, standing behind her. "Hawke, I am sorry. We must leave, the darkspawn will be upon us if we do not"

She looked up, her eyes reflecting her grief and fury, and nodded. Carver bent down and closed Jason's eyes. "We can't take his things, Marian, there isn't room for it"

She frowned, and nodded. She rose to her feet, her back straight. Schooling her eyes, she looked ahead. "Then, we go," she whispered, starting distantly ahead.

"I am sorry, sister. We will all feel it," Carver said gently, putting an arm on her shoulder. She allowed it for a moment, before she briskly shook it off. She turned to face him, new tears covering her cheeks. Carver lowered his eyes, trying once again to touch her. _I don't deserve your comfort, brother. I failed you all. _

Ahead she walked, to Lothering, the emptiness already clawing its way into her.

* * *

><p>Bert-Wrighty - I am not really into OC characters as well. I just needed to use them to put Hawke in the right frame of mind, and as a way to explain her leaving Ostegar<p> 


	9. Page 9

**Author's Note**:Well wanted to throw Bethany POV in there. Again, I am on medications, so this might be full of errors and grammar issues, or wierd sentences or newly formed words that did not exist in the dictionary before. If that is the case ... oops

Shout out to the amazing Bert-Wrighty - I added a scene just for you, I hope you like it

**Disclaimer**: Bioware and EA owns all

* * *

><p><strong>Lothering<strong>

* * *

><p>Bethany Hawke was worried. Bethany had always been a chronic worrier ever since she was a child, but today was different. She had went into the town, and saw an influx of people. Lothering was a small town, no one ever goes there. Yet, suddenly they were bombarded. She did not understand, it had not been like this last she was here. Then again, it had been a week or two? She only went into <em>town<em> when she needed supplies, like today. It was normally a quick process, but how can she be expected to quickly maneuver though so many people! _People!_ She was the type who loved being around people in general, always offering a smile or a shoulder when needed. Yet, she wasn't so naive as to the ways of the world. She knew people were dangerous. Now, having so many in one place was very alarming. Yeah, Bethany was worried.

She walked through the streets of Lothering repeating the items she needed in her head. _Traps, food, warm clothing, sleep – if only_. She shook her head ruefully, and wished for the thousandth time she had slept in this morning. She had to find Barlin, as most of the merchants were gone. As soon as Marian and Carver left for the war, different merchants started spilling out, scattering to other areas in Thedas. She sighed, Barlin was the only one left who had anything reasonable to buy, and that was from storage. Ingram Williams was the local tanner in the town, and packed up and left. Apparently, he was in Redcliff somewhere. The local fields had dried up, so food was in very short supply. Bethany was not her sister, she was not good with the bow. She couldn't even hunt unless you counted slinging fireballs to unsuspecting animals. That would not be good, though, burnt deer was not very tasty, nor the fact that every templar within 5 miles of the area would come running.

So, Bethany walked into Dane's Refuge. _A bar!_ She never frequented that place, and if it wasn't her desperation to get supplies so they could at least have something more to eat than 'rock soup', she would not have placed one foot in the horrible place! The bar was noisy, the many heads of men stuck in their drinks. No one even noticed when she walked through the door. _That's __good. Ignore the girl. Ignore the normal everyday dull girl._ She walked to the counter, noting that Barlin was already arguing with another customer. Sighing, Bethany waited.

Finally, after arguing that Barlin's prices were way to high, the customer left. She didn't understand what the problem was, Barlin always had the best prices. Well, the other merchants were a bit cheaper, but that is because they were specialized in their trade. Those merchants had picked up and left anyways, so Barlin within this smelly bar was all she had. So, she was stuck, in this _smelly_ rundown bar, buying mediocre supplies from Barlin. If Marian were here, she would be able to get a better deal, as they were somewhat friends? Well she wouldn't go so far as call them friends, maybe friendly acquaintances? Her sister wasn't here, however, so Bethany had to learn how to stand with her own two feet. Well she had been learning to do that maybe the last year or so? As usual, she was left out because it was too dangerous for her. She frowned, suddenly feeling guilty yet again for putting such pressure on her family. _I am the problem child. If I wasn't here, they would be safe. Maker, why can't I be normal? _

"Hi, Barlin," Bethany said softly. "I need to buy a couple of items"

"Bethany, girl, its been a long time since I've seen you. How is your mother," he asked, his lips curling into a broad smile.

"She is fine, she has been very busy. The crops have been so slow this year," she said, drawing her eyes down.

"Yeah, all of the farmers around here have been hit hard. It's a small wonder everyone is leaving," he said, nodding. "So what can I get for ya?"

She tapped her chin as she listed each item she needed off her list. _Hopefully I remembered them all_. Nodding, he pursed his lips, bringing his brows together. His lips formed a small frown, as he looked through his wares, mumbling to himself as he sifted through his things.

"Bethany, I am almost completely out of stock on traps. I do have some bear traps though and a few claw traps. I have a bit of hide left, you can use for clothing if you wish. You know the tanner left, and the clothier as well, so there isn't much. Food," he sighed. "You and everyone in this whole blasted town needs food, and there just isn't any. Did you see the number of people outside?"

"Yes, there were so many," she breathed, biting her lip. "I did not expect there to be so many. People have been trickling in, but not in this number!

"I see," he said, pulling at his chin. "People are running because there seem to have been darkspawn raids in the outlaying villages"

"Raids?" she asked, perplexed. "but the king's army..."

"I don't know, Bethany. Last I heard, they were still hunkering down in Ostegar"

Bethany started to fret again, as if she wasn't already anxious before! She started worrying on her lip, furrowing her brows in concern. _What's happening? So many people! Maker! _She lifted her gaze to Barlin, taking a deep breath.

"Barlin, how much will it be for the hides and traps? Maybe the traps will catch something," she said, eyes full of hope.

"Well, I'd say bout fifteen silver in all," he said, gathering the items.

"Fifteen silver?" she hissed, glaring. "That... it has never been that much before!"

"Bethany, times are tough now. There hasn't been any goods flowing in, it's all I can do to keep up the supplies I have. There is another merchant that set up shop outside, but I hear he is really overcharging horribly," he said, his tone sounding apologetic, but his eyes suggested otherwise.

"Well, I am sure you are really hurting over this! It seems that the world has gone mad indeed," she said, her tone dry. Shaking her head, she shot him a withered gaze. "Instead of helping each other, you throw us to the wolves"

"Now, Bethany .." Barlin started, his voice strained.

"No, Barlin, I understand. I will pay what you ask for," she said, gathering the coins, resigned.

"I, I will just charge you 10 silver, you know because your family is uh a special case," he said, trying to appease her.

"Fine, Barlin. Here is the 10 silver," she said, handing over the silver. He nodded, and put the items in a backpack, pushing it over the counter. "I'll throw in this backpack as well, least I can do"

"Thanks, Barlin," she said, taking his offering and turning, surveying the tables. _OK! Walk slowly! Ignore the normal girl who is carrying a backpack of goods. Nothing interesting here!_

She started walking towards the door when one of the drunkards pinched her Behind. "Hi, honey, where ya off to in such a hurry," he said, slurring the words. "Donc'ya wanna come sit with me?"

"Ah, not really, I have to be going now," she said, attempting to get out of his grasp.

"Will, that's Marian's sister, you know Leandra's girl," said another man, clearly as inebriated as his friend.

"It's just a little fun, Markus," slurred 'Will'. "We's all just need a good time"

"Oh, no. Don't you worry about me! I am having a perfectly good time by myself!" Bethany said, barely containing a squeal as she attempted to back away.

"Alright, boys, settle down," another loud voice called out over the chattering sounds of the bar. "You've had your fun, let Bethany go, Will"

"But, Danal, I 'm not doing any harm! Just a 'lil fun!" slurred Will, putting his arm around her waste again. "You wanna have a 'lil fun with me, doncha girl?"

"No, not particularly!" she hissed, deftly removing herself from his hold. _Maker, he smells like a brewery. Could use a bath, that one. "_I have to go outside and ... see something._" Away from you!_

"Will!" yelled Danal, banging his hand on the counter top, causing her to jump. "I said cool it down. Bethany here was just leaving! You go on now, girl. Give my best to Leandra"

"OK, I will," she said, throwing him a grateful glance. She quickly settled the pack, and scooted out the door. _Maker's breath, not going back there any time soon!_ She walked out of the bar, started out of town, and stopped dead in her tracks. Across from her were elves! It wasn't that she never saw elves, but not frequently in Lothering. There was a whole group of them! They hardly came here! Even more shocking, the number of people outside had actually increased! _Maker_!_ Too many people!_

She increased her pace when she heard yelling, towards the Chantry. Just keep going _Bethany, ignore the vehement shouting. Don't go to the templar's nest of jailing apostates_. Unfortunately, she didn't listen to herself. She turned towards uproar as the shouts grew louder. She stepped up towards the Chantry walls and saw the source of the commotion. A man stood in the center of a group of people, waving his arms excitedly. His hair was dark, his shadowed eyes a deep brown, his complexion dark and unshaven, his strong jaw composed of a rough stubble. Leather armor adorned his chest, a battle ax strapped to his back. _Hmm, weapon, armor … not a good combination as this man obviously is in trauma over some ordeal he suffered_. She shivered, clearly shaken. Suddenly, another elf walked towards the group, her cerulean eyes barely veiling her contempt. This elf was different, she also wore armor with two swords strapped to her back. Bethany looked on the group, perplexed, hearing the occasional whisper of "chasined".

"This minion is but the first that will destroy us!" cried the chasined, his voice in a feverish tone.

The elf's jaw tightened, her eyes narrowing, "You are a fool, shem, the darkspawn can be defeated. Stop your pitiful whining" she said, a scowl on her lips. "What happened to you?" asked the elf, eyes narrowing.

Bethany looked at the elf in shock, taking in her appearance and rude demeanor. The elf scowled, the light silver marking adorning the pale skin of her forehead standing out. Bethany had never seen an elf like this one, it made her uneasy. _Oh look, an angry elf. An angry armed elf!_

"I watched the black horde descend on my people! I will not be silent! My family, my clan... those creatures butchered them all!" he whispered, looking down, closing his eyes. "_Creatures? Oh, Maker", _Bethany thought, her heart rate increasing_._ "Some of us fled here, but we cannot escape the darkspawn!"

Bethany felt her heart skipping a beat, pounding in her ear. Her breaths came in rapid successions, lungs feeling so heavy. _Darkspawn? Coming to Lothering? Oh, Maker. Marian? Carver? Maker_! She backed up, almost colliding in another man with a shield, the flaming sword on his chest. _Oh no, templar! _She spared him a quick glance, but his attention was else where. His hard eyes was glaring at the angry elf as well as the insane chasined. Eyes wide in terror, she ran out of the city, passing the fields, and towards a lake that her house resided behind.

She stopped to catch her breath, heart still beating rapidly; feeling pain in her chest. _Darkspawn. Darkspawn._ All of the sudden, seemingly out of nowhere, she heard a captivating lullaby, so enticing. She felt her heart calm, her breaths no longer coming in gasps. She walked around the lake towards her house, hearing the melody more clearly. Looking ahead, she saw the cause of it. Leliana, a sister of the chantry, stood to the side, her blue eyes looking intently over the ripples. Leliana, she was beautiful, red hair stopping just short of her shoulders. She had a delicate beauty, physically and naturally. Kindness was in her nature, but she generally kept to herself. However, in the morning, like this one, Bethany sometimes caught her in the middle of song or melody.

"Leliana," Bethany breathed, her tone still panicked. "That was beautiful"

Leliana looked over at her, a warm smile playing on her lips. "Bethany! It is good to see you. I was just … I felt the need to give time to myself. I love coming here, feeling the cool breeze over my face, and hearing the sounds of the water. It relaxes me. Sometimes, I close my eyes and feel like I am with the Maker. I am grateful for that in the troubling times," she said, her smile fading. "I was about to head into town"

"Well good luck with that, hopefully you can move around the masses of people'," replied the younger Hawke, her lips angling downwards.

Leliana nodded as if she already understood that fact. "Yes, the refuges started piling in over the night," her frown grew deeper, eyes furrowed. "Bethany, I am sorry. Ostegar has fallen"

Bethany eyes grew wide, feeling her lips tremble. _Oh, Maker. My brother, my sister oh Maker, Jason! Not Jason!_ "No," she whispered. "No"

Leliana's eyes were soft as she regarded the other woman. "Oh, Bethany. Maker willing, they are safe," she said. "I will pray on it"

Bethany felt panic rise up in her, heart pounding once more. _I have to leave, I have to get to mother. She needs to know_. Sparing Leliana one more glance, she ran. She ran as if her life depended on it, as if she was being chased by these darkspawn themselves._ Marian! Carver! Jason!_. Tears formed in the corner of her eyes, feeling heavy on the lids. She ran until she reached her house.

"Bethany! Bethany!" fretted her mother, grabbing her by the shoulders. "What is wrong?"

"Mother," she sobbed, her cries making her voice hoarse. "Oh, mother"

"Bethany, you look you have seen a ghost. What is wrong?" Leandra asked, bringing her daughter in her arms.

"Marian!" Bethany breathed, sobs wracking her body, cries muffled by her mothers shoulders. "Carver! Mother, they are saying the darkspawn. They are saying they are saying people are pouring in because Ostegar fell. They said the darkspawn horde will be upon us! Oh Maker, Jason was with them"

Leandra pulled away, her face paling. Her lips trembled, tears swimming in her eyes. "Where did you hear this, Bethany. Where!" she said, grabbing Bethany shoulder again, her grip tight. "No, that can't be right. No! Not, Marian! Not, Carver"

"Mother, he, Carver always felt like he had to prove himself. What if he charged the middle of the horde! He'd do that, and Marian would have tried to protect him. And Jason, oh maker," she cried, feeling her face heating up. "What will we do? What will we do?"

Leandra looked Bethany in the eyes, her face frantic. "We can't leave right now, Bethany. There has to be time! There are people running her, after all. Surely, its safe here? They wouldn't run here if it wasn't? Surely, your brother and sister might have been one of the ones who made it?"

"I don't know, mother? I don't know," Bethany whispered, her tone hopeless.

"Well we will wait, Bethany, they will come," her mother said, a earnest tone in her voice. Bethany closed her eyes, taking deep breaths to try to calm her self.

"OK, mother, we will wait." _Oh Marian, Carver! Please be safe._


	10. Page 10

**Author's Note**: Well I had hoped to make it out of Lothering and into Kirkwall, but well the story had other ideas. I had to get Hawke's and Carver's POV just right, and I think I might have done a decent job at it, at least I hope I have. Thanks to everyone who is reading, following and faving this

Big thanks to Bert-Wrighty for helping me with this chapter, and talking through things!

**Kytkis** - I am not a fan of OC generally either. I needed to put in how Hawke would have left Ostegar. There is no way Hawke would have ran away. She would have had to of been forced, least in my opinion and the way my Hawke would have acted

**Disclaimer**: Bioware and EA owns all

* * *

><p>Hawke moved in a trance-like state. She took one step after another in a rapid succession, eyes straight forward, lip pressed together tightly. She felt numb, dazed. From time to time she heard her companion's voices, but they sounded distorted. Incomprehensible. She felt exhausted, worse then exhausted, and her legs threaten to give out. She clenched her hands so tight that her fingernails dug into her skin. She barely noticed the pain, feeling nothing. Distantly, she noticed she was trembling, her whole body seemed to shake.<p>

Did any time pass? She wasn't sure. Her eyes were heavy, the occasional tear slipping loose, leaving watery trails along her cheeks. Her vision narrowed to the point where she only detected Raven, everything else being a blurry landscape of hazy shapes. Raven's back was all she could focus on. _One step. Another step_. She just continued running, feeling Echo deep in her subconscious. She felt him, but her mabari was so distant. The light filtering in from the overhead trees seemed to dim. Was that because it was later in the afternoon? The coloring of her world started to drain? It didn't matter. She didn't know what mattered anymore. _One step. Another step_. They kept running, barely keeping their breath. She felt her heart racing. Her inner demons attacked her relentlessly, memory after memory battering into her. She flinched at the impact. She saw Jason's sad smile as he eyed the rapier in her hand. No, she would not think about that, could not think about that!

_You'll do it, won't you?_

She remembered forcing the blade into his chest. Didn't he beg her to?

_You'll do it, won't you?_

She shook her head, tears pouring down her face, quicker now, cooled by the chilly breeze. Jason said he loved her. How could he love her? She had struck the final blow!

_Marian, you have been a good friend. I want you to know I love you. _

She forced her lids together, whispering to herself over and over. "No, no."

She saw Jason in the periphery of her vision. She stopped, heart skipping a beat. There was no sign of him. She was going mad! She failed him. His blood was on her hands. She failed everyone. Carver blamed her from the start. Why hadn't she ran when the ogre came? If she had, would they be in this mess? No, she couldn't abandon anyone while they were still fighting. Her loyalty caused this mess. Her need to do the right thing put them in this situation. Carver had said as much.

_Yeah, and your doing so almost got us killed!_

Why hadn't she ran? She got Carver hurt. She killed Jason. She didn't get to Sam in time. She failed. She failed. She had never seen that look in Carver's eyes before, so full of scorn. He hated her. He wanted her gone.

_I wish you were out of my life!_

She felt Carver grip her shoulder, squeezing it slightly. She jumped. He whispered something in her ear, his voice gentle. He squeezed her shoulder again, snapping her out of the past.

_No. He shouldn't try to comfort me. I don't deserve it._

She glanced at him over her shoulder, but had nothing to say. She couldn't look at him. She couldn't let him see her. She had to be strong. She tried to force her thoughts in the back of her mind as she always did, but the memories kept coming. It was as if a dam in her mind broke, she was overwhelmed. _Don't think, just don't think_. She felt her brother's eyes on her back, but she kept running_._ Nothing else mattered.

On and on she ran, various memories invading her mind. Jason and Sam were dead. So many others crying out as Darkspawn destroyed them. Sam crying out in anguish, his hands clamped into fists, shuddering_. _She screamed inside, trying to chase the memories away, but they undauntedly flickered through her head. She heard whispers, relived deaths. She watched the rapier. It was her hands that plunged the blade into his chest.

_Marian, you'll do it right?_

Her hands were bathed with his blood.

_My hands. I did this!_

She shook her head frantically, willing the images away. _No. Stop thinking._ Carver suddenly pulled at her shoulder, keeping her in place. He tried to turn her around, but she refused. She stood stiff, her shoulder tensing - unresponsive. He was shouting something at Raven, but it was muffled. Nothing made sense, she couldn't concentrate on anything. She tried, but the words kept slipping. She didn't make sense of the words. Everything was meaningless.

Raven turned around. He nodded, and sat down against one of the trees, taking in deep breaths of air. Carver took her hand, and she let him. He led her to one of the trees. She just stood there panting wearily, too spent to move on her own. Why was she so breathless? She was choking on breaths, trying to capture them, her lungs feel so tight. _In...out..in..out_. All she could concentrating on was breathing. It was all she could do. Her eyes were lidded and heavy, she could barely keep them open. Much of her hair had fallen out of its band, blinding her vision, sticking to her cheeks. More tears escaped from her lids, adding to the sheen of sweat that covered her face. She slid to the ground, back against the tree. Her knees rose up, and she hugged them to her chest. More memories slammed into her, almost like a physical blow. She saw Sam's face as he looked at her with a sad expression, sorrow mixing with agony.

_Hawke, I'm scared_

She shivered, wasn't sure if it was from the cold. Her brother sat beside her. He reached into her pack, and brought out her waterskin. Putting the water skin in her hands, his lips formed words she couldn't begin to comprehend. Sound was indistinct, her ears ringing. _My ears feel clogged?_ She drew her eyes down, gazing upon rocks and dirt, rubbing her ears with her right hand. He spoke again, and she turned to look at him, confused. Dazed. Sighing he tried to bring the waterskin to her mouth, but she shut her mouth tightly.

_No_. She opened her mouth to say as much, but snapped it shut. She gulped, feeling her lips tremble. Finally, she jerked her head up, staring straight ahead, her lips slightly open.

"No," she whispered, barely audible, pushing the waterskin away. "No."

It was the first words she spoke since leaving Jason, when they ran away from him. She didn't want to drink. She didn't want to talk. She just wanted to be left alone. Her throat hurt, and words just added more strain.

Carver lifted her chin, staring at her with soft eyes. That jolted her, almost. He never showed that kind of tenderness, but she shut down that thought. It didn't matter, she wouldn't be able feel his comfort anyways. She felt cold, detached. Damaged. Broken. With eyes tight with worry, he spoke again, his lips forming new words that she still couldn't focus on. Again, she tried to pay attention to his words. She wanted to keep her eyes on him, but she couldn't. She shut her lids, trying to hide from the warmth of his gaze. She didn't deserve his warmth. She tried to look away, but he kept his grip firm, forcing her to face him. She heard more unintelligible conversations between Carver and Raven, but she still couldn't discern it. He whispered her name, and she actually understood. She looked at him as he shook the water skin gently in front of her face, his brows furrowed in concern.

"No," she whispered, her voice raspy.

She felt light-headed, didn't know if she could even stand again. Did she ever want to? He finally loosened his hold on her, leaving her to look to the trees ahead of her, unseeing. The only things she saw was the past.

Shaking her.

Tormenting her.

Raven walked over, his presence not wanted. He knelt beside her, whispering her name quietly. He grabbed her waterskin and put it to her lips. She started to fight him, but realized that she was simply to drained. Her parched lips accepted it, feeling it soothe her throat. She didn't realize just how dry her mouth felt. She took drinks in gulps, so thirsty. Raven took it away, touching her lips with his fingers. She looked at him, pleading, but he kept it out of her reach. After a minute, he finally returned it, letting her drink in stages. They rested for a few more moments, before they all rose to their feet. They started jogging again.

She ran hard, trying in vein to drive out the images. They came at her ruthlessly, relentlessly. Why couldn't she bury them? it always worked in the past. She felt a pang in her chest, almost a throbbing ache. It hurt, everything hurt. So lost in her personal hell, she didn't notice Raven halting until she collided with his back. She lost her breath for a moment, disoriented. He looked down at her, eyes searching. She put the palms of her hands over her eyes, breathing rapidly. Taking a deep breath, she looked up at him, bewildered. He looked out into the forest, and that is when she noticed Echo's low growling.

Loud guttural sounds preceded the dark creatures spilling out of the forest, their noses in the air, sniffing. Raven crouched, his hands grasping both his rapiers in an almost relaxed stance. Carver drew his greatsword in one fluid motion, standing ready. She just stood there, her vision diminished to dim shadows. Abruptly, her mind evoked Jason's death. The rapier, reflecting the sun, cutting into his chest.

_You'll do it, wont you?_

His blood was on her hands.

_I killed him. _

She shook her head to clear he mental images, clenching her eyes shut.

Carver surrounded by so many darkspawn in Ostegar, eyes wide in fear.

Sam, she couldn't get to him fast enough!

_Hawke, I'm scared._

She slapped her head with her hands, hoping to banish the ghosts of her past. The shadows were on them now. She heard Jason shouting, Raven stepping in front of her. Still, she didn't move, she just stood there, her gauntlets making a tight fist. She heard Echo's snarling, ripping. She heard metal against metal, thuds of bodies hitting the ground. She tried to pull herself from the haze, but she couldn't claw her way out Finally, the noises stopped. All she heard was silence, and still she only saw shadows.

Raven walked up to her, questioning her. She gave no reply, just kept looking into the trees, repeatedly seeing Jason's dead face looking up at her, pleading.

_You'll do it, wont you?_

She trembled, whispering incoherent words_. _Sam's face was in font of her, his face so pale. She shook her head, he wasn't here! He wasn't here!

She felt fingers on her shoulder. She started, feeling her heart racing. It was Raven. Suddenly, it wasn't anymore. It was one of them, one of the darkspawn. She screamed. The fiend made a deep guttural laugh, raising goosebumps along her arms. It's lips, laying behind sharp teeth, foamed at the mouth. _Darkspawn_! They killed Jason! They killed Sam! They hurt Carver! They would try to kill everyone she held dear! _No!_ Jason's broken body stood before her, vengeance distorting his face.

_You'll do it, wont you?_

_Yes!_

Her eyes opened wide, a savage snarl escaped her lips. Before she knew it, she had her imposing blade out, bashing at the beast's head. She had put everything into that swing, her muscles tense with the strain of it, but she only caught air. She twisted, trying to get it from the other side. Again, it dodged her. Growling, she hacked again and again, howling in rage.

"Marian, stop!" hissed Carver. She stopped, confused, still facing the eluding darkspawn.

She felt a hand grip her on the shoulder. Jerking wildly, she spun around. Another darkspawn, with horns rising from its helmet, held a massive sword before it. She screamed, the wind embracing her, giving her strength. She suddenly felt free. Alive! She knocked it back with the pommel of her sword. She whirled around the creature, kicking it in the back of its legs. It fell to its knees, it's white eyes opened wide in horror.

_Horror?_

"Marian," Carver's voice cried out in a voice that sounded strained. "Stop it!"

Stop? She stopped confused, reeling._ Stop? Why?_ Her gaze felt fuzzy as she spun around multiple times trying to locate Carver. She couldn't find him. She whirled back and saw the darkspawn still on its knees, its wide eyes watching her warily. Her nostrils flared, she could smell its fear. She grinned, her lips twisting in a wolfish grin, eyes eager for blood. She wanted to shove her blade down its throat. She wanted to taste its blood. She wanted it dead.

_You'll do it, wont you?_

_Yes_!

She drew curled her lips savagely. Relishing in the darkspawn's terror, she moved slowly, deliberately, keeping her eyes fixated on him. She was a predator stalking her pray. She raised her sword high, only to feel something else slam into her. She spun, snarling, needing to destroy this new threat. She saw Raven.

_Raven_?

It was Raven, and then it wasn't. It was another darkspawn, but it had just worn Raven's face. Wide-eyed, she stepped back, hearing the urgent barks of Echo. She felt the fingers of her hand loosen at the last second, her sword almost falling to the ground. She shook her head furiously, trying to escape her hazy mind. She was confused. Nothing made sense. She stepped back, muttering, a low rumble in the back of her throat. Bringing her hands up to the sides of her head, she howled in pain. Echo stood in front of her prey, his eyes watchful, barking urgently.

_Why wasn't Echo attacking?_

The monster that was on his knees rose, looking at the other. The darkspawn spoke in deep rumbling growls, seeming to snap at each other. They both held their palms out, walking slowly forward. She drew her brow up, what were they trying to do? She growled, fist gripping the pommel of her sword tightly.

She saw Sam's dead face staring blankly at her.

_I'm scared, Hawke._

She backed up, sounds escaping from her throat, rumbling with savage intensity. She felt her heart pounding in her chest, adrenaline throbbing with the need to do something. Anything.

"Marian, sister, please stop," she heard Carvers voice come out of the mouth of that thing on her right.

The darkspawn was tricking her somehow. She wouldn't fall for it! In a rage, she leaped into the air, and landed a pommel strike on the fiend to the left, and then bashed the one that had Carver's voice on the side with the back of her sword. The swing was powerful as if the force of the wind itself drove her arm. It went down, crying out with Carver's cry.

_I will kill it!_

She raised her sword, prepared to put all her strength into the swing when suddenly something smashed into her with a loud thwack, taking her breath away. Staggered, she fell to the ground. Suddenly, the mist lifted, and she saw Echo's huge paws covering her chest. She shook her head, confused. Raven knelt before her, his eyes intense. Carver was crumbled on the ground.

"Hawke, Hawke," Raven said, softly. "stop this."

She shook her head, hands drawn to her forehead. "Raven, is it truly you?" she asked softly, breaths in short bursts.

"Hawke, look at me. You are safe." Raven said, in a controlled monotone voice.

She looked into his dark eyes, looking for something, anything. She then heard groaning on her other side.

_Carver!_

Her gaze snapped to his and her eyes widened, horrified. He was curled up on himself, breathing raggedly. Her brother's eyes looked wild, fearful. He looked terrified of her!

"Carver? Carver!" she asked, dismayed. She looked towards Raven, curling her lips into a frown. "What happened?"

Carver quickly turned his head away from her, hissing in pain. She tried sit up, but Echo did not budge. He kept her pinned down. She tried to push Echo off with her hands, but he would not bend. She had to control herself. Everything was confusing. Nothing made sense. Why was Carver looking at her like that? She took in a deep breath.

_Breath in, breath out_.

"Echo, off!" she said, her voice rising. Echo didn't budge. "Off!"

She looked to Carver, his face still turned from her. Her lips trembled. "Carver!"

"Marian -" said Raven, his voice urgent.

"Raven! What happened?" she asked, quietly.

"Hawke, you attacked us," Raven said, his voice soft. "You attacked us both."

No, she wouldn't have attacked them, especially her brother. She shook her head wildly. No, she wouldn't have attacked Carver. She would never attack Carver. She swallowed, but her throat was so thick. Her stomach lurched.

_No_!

Her eyes shot to her brother, taking in his state. She couldn't have done that! She loved her brother! She would never hurt him. She remembered the darkspawn's white eyes filled with horror.

_Marian, stop!_

She drew her hands to her head, pressing in tightly, shaking her head frantically.

_No_!

A deep cry of agony escaped from her throat. Her fingers clawed desperately on the ground, tears streaming down her face.

_Maker, no!_

The darkspawn had his voice. It had his voice! She felt her heart lurch wildly, feeling suddenly cold.

"No, I saw darkspawn, Raven. Not you, I saw darkspawn." she cried, choking on her tears.

_Carver, no. Maker, please no!_

"No, Hawke. The darkspawn had already been dealt with," sighed Raven, looking over Carver. "I must see to your brother."

Carver hissed as Raven undid the clasps of his armor, revealing the black and blue skin underneath. Raven's fingers prodding his sides. Carver cried out, wincing in pain. She let out another gasp at all the bruises, choking on air.

_What have I done?_

Raven took what was left of the bandages from his pack and tightened them around Carver's side. "You only suffer bruises. Thankfully, she did not use the edge or point of her sword."

_Thankfully, she did not use the edge or point of her sword._

Carver nodded, eyeing her warily. She gasped, a cry escaping her mouth. "Carver, I . . . I'd never," she began helplessly. "I'd never . . ."

Echo stood back, allowing her to rise. She backed away. She hurt Carver. She almost killed Carver!

_I did this! _

Carver did not reply, just clenching his jaw as Raven finished the wrapping.

"I am no healer, Carver, but this should do for now. It will ache, though. Hopefully, the rest of the trip will be uneventful. We can hopefully get you elf root in Lothering" he said, standing up.

"Maker, no!" she whispered, the words barely coherent. "Carver! Please, look at me"

"Thanks," he grunted to Raven, still looking away from her.

"I don't understand, I saw darkspawn, not you." she breathed, lips trembling. "Not you!"

Raven drew his gaze back to her. "Hawke, you are in shock . . . " searching her face, he added "Maybe I can help you temporarily."

"Shock," she whispered, drawing her head down. "temporarily."

Raven walked towards her, putting both his palms atop her head. "Might I continue, Hawke?" he asked, his palms feeling cold to the touch. She nodded, not quite understanding what was happening.

She felt intense heat wash over her, only to be replaced by intense cold. She gasped at the strength of it. Her eyes opening wide, she startled as she watched Raven's eyes glow with an vivid blue light. It wasn't just a flicker this time, it was bright. It was intense. She drew her brows together, and glanced at Carver, feeling the cold still coming at her in waves. He was still turned away from her so there was no way he would be seeing this. She held her tongue. She would not scream. She squeezed her lids tight, hands clenched in fists, breathing rapidly. Finally, it was over.

"Hawke, this is not a fix, but it should help keep your mind in the present. Only for a little while. You'll still need to handle your grief." he said, eyes looking somber.

"I . . . I understand," she whispered, but she really didn't.

"The good news is, we are almost at Lothering. Carver, can you run?" he asked, glancing around the area.

"Yeah," he grunted out, "not as fast as before, though"

"We will go only at your pace," Raven said, dipping his head.

She frowned_. I attacked my brother!_ She tried to catch Carver's eyes once again, but he wouldn't meet hers.

_Maker! I did this!_

"I'm so sorry Carver," she whispered. "I am so sorry."

Carver never responded, he just drew as far away from her as he could, watching her warily. As one, the group started back on the road, but they did not run long. Lothering appeared before them, a welcoming sight. Hawke felt her shoulders relax, letting out a breath she didn't know she was holding. _Home_, she thought. _Home_.

* * *

><p>Carver felt his heart race as he looked over towards Marian and Jason. Jason was whispering to her, his eyes pleading. Marian was shaking her head, burying her face in Jason's tunic. Carver couldn't believe this was happening. Just this morning they were laughing about Jason's attraction to Bethany, and now his friend was on he ground, fading away. Jason cried out in pain, curled up on himself. He watched as his sister took her best friend's quivering body upon her lap and kissed his brow. Raven bent over, handing Marian one of his rapiers. <em>Maker, she was going to end it?<em> Carver had assumed that Raven would. _Maker, this will break her!_ He watched as she took the rapier offered by Raven and lifted it above Jason's chest. He saw Jason's mouth move, and whatever he said nearly destroyed her. He closed his eyes, he could not watch this. His sister was always the strong one. Carver knew she would do what was needed, but this would cost too much. _Maker, way to much!_ He heard a deep intake of breath, and the sound of metal entering flesh. Jason's face hovered within his memories. Maker, he felt heavy, the loss of Jason would be overwhelming. He knew Bethany held Jason in high regard, even trusting him with her secret. They all loved him. He was family, and now one of his family was dead. He heard Marian's scream, cursing the Maker. That scream, her howl of pain and heartache, shook him to he core. How could she bare this?

_Maker_!

He turned to her, wanting to comfort her. He blinked. Marian was clutching Jason's tunic, her head buried in his chest. Her body was shaking while screaming out words that he couldn't begin to understand. _Oh, Marian!_ He wanted to reach out, but he didn't know how. Marian was always the strong one, out of all the siblings. She always took care of them, putting everyone else's needs above her own. Who will take care of her now? He hated this. He hated feeling so hopeless! He hated himself for not acting! He just stood there, while she sat, crumbled on the ground, screaming and howling her anguish. _Oh, Maker_. It seemed like hours that he stood there, watching her. What kind of brother was he? Why was he frozen in place? Why was he terrified to go to her? She never pushed him away before.

_Yeah, but I pushed her away_.

Her cries became less frequent, her back finally relaxing. Raven walked behind her, coughing so as not to startle her. "Hawke, I am sorry. We must leave, the darkspawn will be upon us if we do not"

She looked up at them both over her shoulder, her eyes reflecting the midday sun. Tears, he couldn't even remember when he last saw her tears. When father diied? He didn't remember. Even then, she remained strong for them all. Carver didn't know what to say, but he needed to say something. He needed to act!

He walked over to Jason, and knelt down. He put his fingers on Jason's lids and drew them down. _Maker_! "We can't take his things, Marian, there isn't room for it."

Maker, what was wrong with him? How could he say that? His words sounded cold! He was not indifferent, but he just couldn't seem to say the right thing. He shook his head, fighting his self hatred. _Maker, I am a fool_! Her brilliant blue eyes bore into his, her brows narrowing. Maker, he was a fool. Her lips curled into a frown, as she turned her back towards him.

"Then we go," he heard her whisper.

The need to go to his sister, ripped through him. He needed to touch her, to give her some type of grounding presence. He needed to show her that he did care! "I am sorry, sister. We will all feel it," he said gently. He put his arm around her shoulder, awkwardly. He couldn't remember the last time he hugged her voluntarily. For only a second, she froze up before she relaxed into his embrace. He felt his heart lurch because of her pain. He squeezed her tight, hoping to offer her some comfort at least. After some time, she finally shook him off of her. Sadly, he watched her back as she trailed behind Raven.

They still went at a running pace, stopping briefly for breaks. He watched his sister with concern, seeing her stumble along the way. She looked rigid, her shoulders tense. He ran close to her, trying to get her attention, but her eyes did not see him. She kept her gaze straight ahead. They kept running, feeling exhausted. He felt his legs going numb, from the constant moving. Maker, he was tired. He only hoped that once they reached Lothering, they could get some rest.

_Those damnable darkspawn!_

"Raven, how long do you think it will take us to reach Lothering," he shouted.

"Looks like It will be late afternoon or early evening if we keep at this pace," he replied.

"Thank the maker!" he yelled, a pleased smile on his face.

His heart was pounding in his chest from the exertion. He felt sweat piling up on his brow, trickling down his face. Maker, he was actually getting hot on a cold day! He felt chills crawl up his arms when he heard a faint sound ahead of him. Listening closer, he identified it. He heard his sister's gasping. Echo was whining, trying to nuzzle her leg, but she acted like she didn't see him. She didn't seem to see anyone. He was just thankful she was still running behind Raven, and not wandering into the trees. He ran closer to her, hearing her faint whispering.

"No," his sister whispered. "No."

He grasped her shoulder, needing to see her, needing to know she was alright. She jumped at his grasp.

"Are you alright?" he whispered, as gently as he could.

Marian looked at him over her shoulder, and he gulped at what he saw in her eyes. Her eyes were clouded, distant. He saw the tears, though, so many tears. He saw the darkness underneath her lower lids. _Maker_! He started to say something, so shocked by her appearance. He opened his mouth to speak, but only silence escaped his lips. Finally, she wiggled out of his grasp and ran faster, away from him.

His sister started shaking her head, whispering incoherently, her voice rising. He had to get to her, had to help her. Did she drink anything since Jason? He didn't think she had. _Maker_! He sped ahead, grabbing her by the shoulders. She tried to break away, but he was ready for it this time. He held her there, firmly, not allowing any resistance. "Raven, we need to stop. Marian, needs to drink something. Lets rest a little!"

Looking at his sister, his brows furrowed. Her eyes had that glassy look, and her lips had looked so dry. She still gazed off into the distance, looking into the unknown, trembling. She stopped fighting him, her shoulders drooping. Her auburn hair was falling out of her hair band, and she didn't seem to notice that! Normally, she would have gone insane if her hair tickled her face. Sweat clung to her brow, mixing with the tears underneath her eyes. Carver was starting to panic.

"Let's stop here," called out Raven, falling hard on the ground, breathing in deeply. "We could use the rest."

He took her by the hand, amazed that she allowed it, and led her to one of the trees. He studied her, frowning. Her eyes were lidded, she looked so exhausted. Her breathing came out in bursts, mixing with her cries. _Maker, she was crying again_. She was shaking, her whole body trembling. He knew she needed to drink so he got his sister's waterskin from her pack.

"Marian, drink," he whispered, putting the waterskin in her hands.

She looked up at him, dazed, as if she didn't understand his words. She opened her mouth, and then snapped it shut. Blinked. Finally, her gaze shot straight ahead.

"No," she whispered, almost to low for him to hear.

He didn't know if she was talking to him, or on of her inner demons. Maker, he didn't know what to do. Carver lifted her chin, gazing at her with soft eyes.

"Marian, please drink," he said, pleading.

She stared at him, her glassy eyes opening wide, seeming alert before glazing over once more. She tried to look away, but he kept his grip firm, forcing her to face him.

"I can't get her to drink, Raven," Carver called out, worried. "She doesn't seem to be all there"

"Marian, please try," Carver said, shaking the waterskin in front of her. He smiled warmly, shaking it softly.

She drew her gaze back to him. Her eyes narrowed as she focused on his face for a bit. Finally, she shook her head. "No," she whispered, her voice raspy. "No."

"Carver, is she drinking?" Raven asked.

"No," Carver replied, his brows furrowed.

Raven walked over to them, and knelt beside her. "Marian," he said, softly. She did not look at him, still gazing away. "Marian, you must drink."

Raven laid the waterskin before her lips, murmuring in a language he didn't understand. She started to fight him, but then she stopped. There wasn't any fight left in her eyes, she just seemed resigned. Carver felt his heart drop. What is wrong with his sister? He had never seen her this way. He felt his spirit lift when he saw her finally drink from the waterskin. He wouldn't have to worry about her not drinking at least. Raven forced her to drink the water in stages so that she did not lose her stomach contents. Raven waited until she drank the last drop of water before leaving her to rest. They rested a little while longer, their breathing becoming normal. Carver and Raven engaged themselves in conversations to pass the time. Marian, however, just gazed off into space, indifferently.

Eventually, they were back on the road again. His sister was keeping up with them at least, that was good. He still worried that she would wonder away. He kept hearing her occasional gasps and sobs, and his heart lurched painfully. He had never seen her this way, and he didn't know how to help her. All his life, he wanted to prove something. He wanted to prove something to his parents, to his friends, to her. In his family, he had no role. Marian was the eldest, the responsible one. Bethany had magic, so she was the special one. Bethany's safety was important, and he couldn't count how many times they ran because someone might have discovered her magic. Then there was Carver. He was the 'afterthought'. He was just the extra twin. He had no defined role, no importance. He hated it, felt so resentful. Marian was always the one in charge. He was the little brother who always tagged along. She actually had to take care of him. He always resented her for that. Truth was, he loved her. He even looked up to her, but he knew he would never amount to her. Suddenly, he felt his blood drain. He remembered how her face paled this morning when he spoke in haste, allowing his emotions to overcome him.

_Maker, I told her I wish I didn't know her_.

An ache formed in his chest, throbbing, and his breaths came in gasps. He told Marian he wished he didn't know her, and then Jason died like this. The other day, Sam died. God, he made it worse. He needed to talk to her, needed to make her understand. He just had to think of the right words. Would she even listen? Could she even listen? He didn't mean to hurt her, but he had been so worried when he saw her limp body after the ogre took her. He reacted out of frustration and fear. He never wanted to hurt her, but those eyes, her pain. He had to make it right. He had to make his sister know he didn't mean those words. He was about to tap her on the shoulder when Raven stopped unexpectedly. Echo started to growl, the deep throat kind that gave him chills.

_Darkspawn_!

Raven crouched, his hands grasping both his rapiers in an almost relaxed stance. Carver withdraw the greatsword from his back in one fluid motion, standing at the ready. He looked for Marian, to make sure she was alright, but she just stood there. He was worried, knowing he had to protect her, and keep them off himself. He then heard Echo's deep snarling and knew they would be alright. Even if she wasn't all here, Echo would be. Raven pointed to the enemies on his right.

Raven actually leaped through the air, tumbling, and landing behind the enemy lines. Knowing Raven would handle the ones on the right, Carver focused on the ones to the left. Deep raspy screeches reverberated all around them as Carver, hacking through the left two, left the darkspawn twitching on the ground. Marian still stood where he last saw her, almost looking apathetic. Raven spun, out of the way of one darkspawn's mace, before he ducked and impaled another. There was just one darkspawn to go. Echo shaking with the need to attack, leaped on the last one. It staggered back. Carver spared Marian a quick glance as he moved where the last was backing up. His muscles bulged as he reached for a mighty swing, his massive blade cleaving into it. Raven still behind the creature, plunged his rapier through it's neck. None were left, and still Marian stared at nothing, unmoving.

Raven walked up to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Marian, it is over," he said with quiet authority.

She tensed, screaming, the sound placing goosebumps all down Carver's spine. Her eyes opened wide, a savage snarl escaped her lips. Before Carver knew it, she had her greatsword out, bashing at Raven's head. Raven merely twisted and evaded her many swings to her frustration. Momentarily shocked, he could only watch while Marian launched herself over and over at Raven, who evaded her easily. Marian's lips curled, her white teeth flashing with the vicious smile he had only seen when battle was certain. _Maker_! Carver had to stop this.

"Marian, stop!" he hissed.

She stopped, confused, still facing the eluding Raven. Carver tentatively put a hand on his sister's shoulder, and immediately knew his mistake. She spun around, wildly jerking his hand off of her. She roared, and he actually felt the wind reflecting her frenzy. The look in her eyes was pure fury. He watched in slow motion as she knocked him back with her sword pommel. She disappeared from his line of sight as he stood clutching his head, his feet unstable. Suddenly, deep searing pain rose from his kneecap. He fell to his knees, his eyes opening wide at the madness within his sister's eyes.

"Marian," he cried, trying to snap her out of this mania. "Stop it!"

She stopped confused, looking distracted. He saw her spin multiple times, her gaze searching for something. She whirled back and seemed to consider him, her eyes narrowing. All of the sudden, her lips drew a savage grin. With teeth bared, she slowly stalked towards him, her eyes darkening. He tried to raise his sword to block her blow, but his hands felt heavy. She raised her sword high, and he waited for the hit. _Maker_. Suddenly, Raven was there, pushing her back. She spun, snarling, snapping at everyone. Wide-eyed, she stepped back, away from them. He saw the blade in her hands almost falter, but she shook her head furiously' gripping it again. She took another step backwards, muttering, a low rumble in the back of her throat. She shook her head again, and howled in pain. He didn't understand what was going on.

Carver rose to his feet and glanced at Raven. Raven held his hands out palm outstretched, nodding for Carver to do the same. Her brow drew up, her eyes glassy. She growled, fist gripping the pommel of her sword tightly. She backed up like a caged animal, sounds escaping from her throat, rumbling with savage intensity.

"Marian, sister, please stop," he said, strained.

Enraged, she leapt through the air, landing a pommel strike on Raven's head, staggering him. Everything seemed to be slow motion. Carver saw the back of her sword heading towards his side, but he couldn't stop it. He felt the impact as all the air rushed out of his lungs, and fire erupted. He screamed, the pain intense. She raised her sword, prepared to put all her force into the swing. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see the hate filling hers. Suddenly, Echo slammed into her with a loud thwack, throwing her to the ground.

Maker, he hurt. His sides throbbed, burning. He curled into himself, trying to fight off the pain. It was hard to breath, his chest heavy as if ten mabari hounds were standing on top of him. _Maker, I hurt._

The image of Marian coming at him, sword raised high, grinning savagely … _Maker_! Over and over, he saw her eyes, a look he never thought would be directed at him. If Echo had not stopped her, he would be dead.

"Carver! Carver!" Marian shouted, dismayed. "What happened?"

She didn't know? _You tried to kill me, sister._ He heard the despair in her voice, the concern, but he just couldn't look at her. Another spasm of pain hit him, and he shook with it. Pain had shot up his ribs, centering directly above his hips.

_Her frenzied eyes, Maker. I will never forget her eyes._

"Carver! Echo, off!" she hissed. Echo did not budge. He briefly glanced her way again, seeing she was trying to sit up. He felt his heart beat rapidly in his chest, his eyes widening.

_Her frenzied eyes, that smile._

"Raven! What happened?" she asked, quietly.

"Hawke, you . . ." came Raven's soft voice. "You attacked us both"

_Her sword plummeting down towards him. Such fury in her eyes._

He chanced a glance at her, and was met with watery eyes. He looked away. He could not handle this! A deep cry of agony escaped from her throat. He heard her howling and the sounds of her hands punching the dirt as she screamed in a deep-seated anguish. He felt his heart lurch again, he couldn't take his sister's cry. He almost sat up to go to her then, her pain calling to him. He started to move, and then pain shot up his ribs again, and he fell back down, wincing.

"No, I saw darkspawn, Raven. Not you, I saw darkspawn," he heard her whisper.

What? Darkspawn, she wasn't even in the fight when they came out. Carver was confused, not understanding what she was explaining.

"No, Hawke. The darkspawn had already been dealt with," sighed Raven, looking over Carver. "I must see to your brother."

Carver hissed as Raven undid the clasps of his armor, revealing the black and blue skin underneath. He saw her let out another gasp, another sob escaping her lips. _Maker_! Raven took what was left of the bandages in his back and tightened them around Carver's side. "You only suffer bruises. Thankfully, not the point or edge."

He nodded, eyeing Marian warily.

"Carver... I …. I," she whispered. Carver still could not look at her. He still could not get her eyes out of his head.

"I am no healer, Carver, but this should do for now. It will ache, though. Hopefully, the rest of the trip will be uneventful. We can hopefully get you elf root in Lothering" he said, standing up.

"Maker, no," she cried, the words barely coherent. "Carver! Please, look at me"

_Falling to his knees, looking at the madness within his sister's eyes. _

"Thanks," he grunted, still looking away from her. He couldn't look at her. Every time he tried, those images danced before him. His sister almost killed him. His sister would have killed him! How can he reconcile that with who was laying on the ground a few feet from him. _She thought we were darkspawn? Maker!_

Carver droned out the rest of the conversation, trying to find it within him self to move.

"The good news is, we are almost at Lothering. Carver, can you run?" Raven asked, glancing at him.

"Yeah," he grunted out, "Not as fast as before, though"

"We will go only at your pace," Raven said, nodding.

"I'm so sorry Carver," she whispered. "I am so sorry."

He heard her intakes of breaths, as she tried to stop the cries. He needed to talk to her. He needed to understand. He needed her to understand.

_Falling to his knees, looking at the madness within his sister's eyes. _

He couldn't look at Marian right now. He felt his pulse rise just from being near her. He moved as far from her as he could. He tried to understand, but he couldn't escape the fear or the images. How would they survive this? What would happen when they get home? As one, the group started back on the road, but they did not run long. Lothering appeared before them, a welcoming sight. _Home_, he thought. _Home_.


	11. Page 11

**Author's Note:** Decided to throw another chapter out there. I needed to add these point of views to go along with the flow of the story. Sigh, hopefully there are not too many mistakes here, I will do a better check in the morning. Anyways, the next chapter will actually deal with leaving Lothering, but things are about to come to head/be revealed in this one. Good lord 11 chapters. Also wanted to point out - my keyboard is messed up and the 'e' key is not working well, so might have some new madeup words !

Let's have some fluff

**Disclaimer**: Bioware and EA owns all

* * *

><p>Raven was exhausted. He continuously found himself closing his eyes, even as he quickened his pace. The day has been a test of control. He glanced at Hawke over his shoulders, lowering his brows. He sighed, shaking his head. She had attacked him, and she was vicious in her swings. He was lucky Carver had distracted her at first. There was no way Raven could have kept evading. Eventually, he would have had to incapacitate her. Maybe if he had, Carver would not have been hurt as he was. Perhaps, he could have done minimal damage. In the end, it took Echo to shock her out of her frenzy. He should have seen it from the beginning and acted. He sighed, there was no use dwelling on the past. It was the present that he should worry about.<p>

_Her eyes._

He had watched her eyes as she faced him. He knew what she was now, there was no denying it. His father had been right. He only wished he'd come earlier. It seemed time, as always, was not on his side. Now, he had to figure out what to do. He sighed again, hoping they would reach their destination soon. Carver was in agony, he looked at the younger Hawke sibling over his shoulder from time to time. Their stops had become too frequent now, causing more delays. They had to keep ahead of the horde. He frowned. They might have a day or two at the most, before it would be to late to run. Carver's injury would slow them down considerably.

_Marian Hawke._

He had hoped he'd have more time with her, but the blight waits for no one. She needed more control, and he did not have the time to teach her. She had no one to explain things to her. She had no one to guide her, and she would need guidance. Even the months they had spent together did not cover the vast knowledge she would need, or the vast control she would have to be able to master. He had heard about her father's focus exercises, he had taught his daughter well. Hopefully, he could build on that.

_Her eyes._

He did the best he could do with the tools he had. She was definitely in shock. He could understand that, but her lack of control would endanger anyone she came in contact with. He dampened her. He did not know if that would be able to stop her. She was powerful, of that he was certain.

He felt sweat clinging to his brow, the chill of the air being fought off by the heat of his body. Yes, he was exhausted. But, he had to get his small group to Lothering. At least there, they would be safe, and he could think on his next move. Hawke was dangerous, an uncertain variable. Should he take her life? It might make things easier in the end. She was too dangerous. He glanced at her once again, her eyes still had that far away cast to them.

_Her eyes. Her brilliant blue eyes. _

She turned her eyes to him, and he saw the eyes of her father. As if reading his thoughts, she held her chin up in defiance, her eyes seemingly clearing. No, he couldn't kill her. He would not be the one to slit the throat of Malcom Hawke's daughter. He nodded and resumed his pace.

Echo froze, sniffing the air, tensing. Raven did not detect any other threats, but then he saw. A bridge lay ahead of them, and beyond that were the recognizable buildings of Lothering. Echo started barking, alerting the world of his presence, circling the group. Relief surging through his lungs, they walked forward. He hoped soon, he would get some rest.

* * *

><p>Bethany hardly left the house now. It had been another day, and still no word from her siblings! She was worried, she imagined the worse. Were they dead? Did Carver try to be one of the heroes that he had read about and charge into danger before Marian could get to him? Oh, Maker, she didn't know.<p>

Her mother was in a frenzy of movement, every day. She couldn't sit still, always making some last minute preparation. Back and forth, Leandra paced, always finding something to do. Bethany sighed, wondering what her mother would ask from her. Bethany ran her hands through her hair as she watched Leandra fidget, it was exhausting to witness.

"Mother, we have made all the preparations we can make, it will be alright," said Bethany, massaging her forehead."Please sit down."

"Sit? Rest? Bethany, you're brother and sister are out there! Out there! Alone!" Leandra cried, clasping her hands over her head.."What if they are hurt, Bethany? Oh Marian, my beautiful girl please be safe! Please take care of your brother!."

"Mother, they will be OK," Bethany said, her pitch increased. "they wouldn't want you to worry so."

Her mother drew a deep breath, darting her eyes to the side. She closed her eyes briefly, and nodded to herself. Before Bethany knew it, Leandra was sweeping the room. _Sweeping the room_?

"Mother, why are you doing this? You know we will have to run soon!" said Bethany, tilting her had.

"I . . . I have to do something, Bethany," Leandra said, sweeping furiously. "my babies are alright, and they are coming here. I have to make sure they . . ."

"Oh, mother." whispered Bethany, shaking her head, her lips drawn down.

She knew she couldn't stop her mother from cleaning. Leandra needed some way to deal with her nervous energy, but she couldn't handle watching her this way. She walked out the door and headed to the lake. Grassy areas sprouted from the sides, moss and rock littered the ground. One large rock next to the water was large enough to sit atop, and smooth enough to be semi comfortable. She loved going here, it gave her peace. She missed Sister Leliana's beautiful voice, though. Leliana had left with the Dalish warden, a little after she last saw Leliana singing by the lake . Bethany sighed, everyone was leaving and they would be alone soon. She was scared, but she knew with startling certainty, that she would see her sister and brother again. She sat upon the stone, and closed her eyes, listening to the peaceful sounds around her. A small smile found her lips, and she almost felt content.

"Maker, let them be safe," she whispered in silent supplication. "Let them be safe"

The sun's brilliant light of the afternoon faded, welcoming the first signs of twilight. Bethany realized, she must have been sitting here for hours! She rose to her feet, shaking off the back of her robes. She didn't mean to leave her mother, but sometimes she needed these times to herself. Her mother could be overbearing at times, and she just couldn't take it right now. And Maker, her mother's anxiety was too much.

She started back towards her little house, closing her eyes as she sniffed the night air. She was at peace, and that was all that mattered. Maker, but she was tired as well. She yawned and stretched her arms out over her head, enjoying the stretch to her muscles. She arrived to the welcoming smell of roasted meat from the fire. Bethany bit her lip, knowing her mother still couldn't just sit down. She looked around at an impeccable swept room, nothing soiled.

"Bethany, dear, I am glad you are here. The meat is about ready." said her mother, a smile adorning her lips that didn't exactly meet her eyes.

"Thank you, mother." she said, smiling warmly.

They walked into the eating area, grabbing a stick of venison. She licked her lips in anticipation for the meat, she was hungry. She began picking at the food while leaning forward to gaze upon her mother.

"I . . . I don't know if we are ready to go, Bethany," her mother said, rocking in her chair. "I just don't know if we are ready!"

"Oh, mother, there isn't much we can do to be ready. What can we take but the items on our back," she breathed, narrowing her eyes. "I think Marian and Carver will be alright."

The red splotches of sky grew even darker, so the two women had to light candles to avert the darkness. There were not that many to light, just the main room, and they could carry a candle to bed that night. Bethany sighed, combing her fingers through her hair. Every day, she had seen more and more of the villagers passing the lake onto the main road. So many people were abandoning Lothering. She didn't want to leave, truly. Her father was buried here. Her life was here. Where would they go? What would they do? How would they live. Would there be more to worry about from the templars? Maker, how close were the darkspawn? Would they get out in time? Oh mother, she would hate Leaving father behind! It was just too much!

_Stop fretting, Bethany!_

They would just have to make it work. She pursed her lips together, clasping her hands together. Yes, they would have to make it work. Marian would be with them, she would know what to do. Bethany smiled, she wouldn't truly feel safe until Marian was back.

_Marian will know what to do._

It grew later, the two women remaining ever vigilant by the door as they had been for the past few days. They wanted to be up, when Marian and Carver returned home. Bethany started nodding off, when she heard the first faint sounds of barking.

"Bethany!" cried her mother, running to the door. "Bethany!"

They went outside, just in front of the door, trying to scan the distance, but saw nothing. Bethany saw her mother's face fall, a small frown upon her face. The barking grew more pronounced, however, and Bethany felt her heart speed up._ That sounded like Echo!_

"Mother!" she started, before she was interrupted.

"I know, my beautiful girl, it's them! I know it's them!" breathed Leandra, tears falling unnoticed from her eyes.

They waited outside, side by side, light completely drawn out of the sky. The barking was clear now, followed by footsteps. The torchlight Bethany held revealed three figures. _Three_? Looking in his mid twenties, a tall man hidden beneath a dark hooded cloak, stood in front of her brother and sister. They all looked clearly exhausted, as if the slightest movement would cause them to collapse.

Bethany couldn't stop herself, ignoring the strange man, she ran to Marian and threw her arms around her. Marian stiffened, her arms trying to fend Bethany away. Marian's drew back a few paces, eyes widened, crossing her arms over her chest. What was going on?

_She's acting like she doesn't know me!_

"Marian . . . " she whispered, her lip trembling. "Marian, what's wrong"

Marian's face paled, her hands gripping into fists. Bethany did not understand. Marian stepped back again, her eyes opened wide. Echo came behind her and nuzzled her sister's hand. Finally Marian shook her head, before turning back to Bethany.

"Bethany?" she breathed, her lips trembling. "Bethany?"

Bethany didn't care. She couldn't have stopped herself, even if she tried. This was her sister, and her sister had tears falling from her eyes in torrents. Her face looked so ashen in the torchlight, and the look on her face. _Oh Maker_. Bethany ran, as fast as she could, crashing into her sister with a woosh. Her arms were around Marian, squeezing her tightly, whispering her name over and over while Marian finally relaxed into the embrace. Her arms shakily went around her sister's neck, her face contorting. Marian was trembling now, and Bethany heard the first of her violent sobs. Marian couldn't keep her legs up under her, and they both collapsed on the ground, trembling.

"Marian, sister, it's alright. You're here. It's alright. We love you," Bethany whispered over and over, kissing her brow. "You're safe."

"No, I . . . monster . . . I . . . no one can," Marian sobbed into her sister's ears, almost incomprehensibly. "I almost killed . . . I did it . . . Carver . . . My own brother . . .my hands. I want . . . die."

Marian's shaking soon turned into angry convulsions, choking on the tears that poured out of her. _Oh Maker, what happened to you, sister? _Bethany didn't ask her, all she could do was hold her close, rocking her back and forth. _Let me take some of your pain, sister._

After a bit, Marian's sobs quieted, the occasional gasps escaping her lips. Bethany looked at her and smiled, hoping to impart some level of comfort. That is when she heard it, the hushed whispers. Her mother's heated voice as she spoke with the stranger.

"I just don't understand, Nathaniel, how you could be here! After all this time! Why are you here? What do you want? Or should I ask, who do you want?" Leandra hissed, her arm still around Carver, who winced again from the pain in his side.

"Because your brother-in-law wished it." replied the dark stranger calmly, as if talking to - child, which infuriated her mother even more.

"Really? He wished it? Where was he when Malcolm died? Why did he not wish it then?" she said, her face reddening.

"Leandra, it would be better if we discussed this . . . alone?" replied 'Nathaniel', looking away.

"Wait, wait! You know my mother? You know my father? How?" asked Carver, leaning forward.

"Yes, I know Nathaniel, he is your cousin. Of course I know him. Although, I am more curious why he is here after your 'uncle' turned his back on us!"

"Brother," asked Carver, with an opened-mouth stare.

"Leandra, that just isn't true." replied Nathaniel, voice remaining steady.

Bethany felt confused as well, gasping. I_ have uncle? Why has father never spoke of this_? She pulled at her hair, all the possibilities swimming in her mind. Her sister, by this time, had her head in Bethany's lap, staring out into nothing.

_Oh, Maker, what is going on?_

* * *

><p><em>We don't know much about Malcolm Hawke, so its kinda believable he could have a brother, and a cousin is floating out there somewhere - Raven(Nathaniel) would have to be about the same age as the other Hawke children, and Leandra somehow knows them - so they have been around each other at one time<em>


	12. Page 12

**Author's Note:** This was much larger. However, I am posting in two parts. I am posting this one today and will post the next one either tommorow or the day after. As always, if you have any comments, I'd love to hear them

**Disclaimer**: Bioware and EA owns all

* * *

><p>It was dark when Hawke awoke. She was exhausted. The house was quiet, except for the occasional creaking of old boards. She sat on her bed, slumped over - her head bowed. Long slender fingers pressed into her forehead, beads of sweat collecting from her hairline and dripping down into her hands. The darkspawn were coming, they had barely escaped them. Their time was running out.<p>

So many men had died on the battle field, their mouths open in silent screams as she fought on. Youthful faces looking to Hawke for rescue, wide eyes pleading. A sword wound slicing open the back of a chest. Darkspawn kept flooding in, their numbers not ending.

So much blood. So much death. Failure. She failed.

That night, that terrible night, flickered in her mind. She had nightmares in waking now. She squeezed her eyes shut, shaking. These memories, they were like a slap to her face, taking her breath away. She couldn't breath. She was drowning in them.

She should have felt anger, should have felt rage. Instead, she felt hopeless, as if the life left her. She was dead inside.

Empty. Useless. Broken.

There had to be a way out of this.

She reached her arms out directly in front of her, feeling the muscles in her arms stretch. Still, she did not move. She stared ahead, slumped.

She felt movement, the bed dipped, and she felt the rustling of covers beside her. _Bethany_.

"Marian," Bethany whispered, yawning. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing, Bethy. Please, go back to sleep." Marian replied, her gaze attached to the opposite wall.

Hawke felt her sister's hand grasp her shoulder. "Marian, what happened to you?" Bethany breathed, holding her breath.

"Bethany, it is alright." Hawke said, her voice flat. "You should go to sleep."

"Oh, Marian," said Bethany, breathing out Hawke's name. "You have to talk about it, whatever this is. It's eating you up inside."

Hawke reached over and squeezed Bethany's hands which still laid on her shoulder. She still would not turn to face her sister, her eyes remained fixed on the wall. "Bethy, I just can't sleep. It's nothing. I'm sorry I woke you."

Hawke felt fingers underneath her chin, drawing her face to look at widened chocolate eyes. "Please, Marian." she whispered, her lips curling down into a sad smile.

"Bethany, it was war. War is ugly. Brutal." Marian said, her voice hard. She looked down at her hands. "There are things that should never see the light of day . . . I don't have the words. I am sorry. I just don't have the words."

Bethany sighed, her eyes narrowing, a look of resignation passing through them. "Marian, this is killing you slowly."

"Bethy, I'm sorry. it's late, sister. We should sleep." Hawke said softly.

"Marian, please, just try." Bethany whispered, her voice hoarse.

"We'll talk about it in the morning," said Hawke.

"Ok, Marian. Please remember, I love you." Bethany said, her voice hoarse.

Hawke looked at her sister, and nodded. She laid on the bed, drawing the covers back over her, hearing her sister do the same. "I love you too, sister." Hawke whispered too low for Bethany to hear.

Hawke waited until Bethany's breathing evened out before she threw the covers off of her, and sat, hands covering her head. It was still dark, the house was still silent. She knelt beside an old chest that held some of her clothes from a time before Ostegar. She quickly dressed in a tan shirt and leggings. Looking over her shoulder once more, she noted Bethany was still sound asleep. Hawke sighed, and walked out the door into the kitchen area. The door leading outside would be ahead and to the left, and so far she had not ran into anyone. _Raven. _She wondered where Raven was. If he was bunking with Carver in the other bedroom, she would be safe. She had a feeling Raven would be a light sleeper, so she would alert him if he was in the main room. She quietly sneaked out the kitchen area and made a quick study of the main room. Raven was not there, she was in luck. Quickly she turned to the door, and left the house soundlessly.

She closed her eyes, breathing in the night air. She felt Echo sniffing at her feet, whining. She drew her hand down to his head, and sighed.

A sound, between a whine and a low rumble, escaped Echo's chest, his eyes watching her silently. The night air was chilled, and she wrapped her arms around herself as tiny bumps formed on her flesh. The wind began to pick up, it felt as if it was trying to push her back toward the house. She kept on, walking to the lakeside. She heard the calming sounds of the waves lapping against the rocky sand that surrounded the large body of water. She once came here to spar with her brother. She once came here to just sit and reflect on things. But that was long ago, a better time. An outcropping of trees lay beside the lake. She used to climb one of the bigger oaks as a child and sit and watch the lake. She was innocent then. _Innocent_. Those days are far over. Now, she merely sat and watched. Echo sat with her, drawing his head on her lap. She ran her fingers idle through his fur.

The darkspawn were coming. She could still hear their howls, their grunts. They were hungry. They were not like a regular foe, they seemed to have no thought other than to devour. Did they fear? Did they hunger? She shuttered to think of what they hungered for. She knew they were coming, they were running out of time. Borrowed time. She felt heat press over her face, only to be soothed by the frigid air. She lowered her head, her lips in a straight line.

They had to wait and rest. _Rest?_ How could she rest? She was drained. She was exhausted, but when she closed her eyes, she saw death. She stared at the water, its gentle waves almost whispering. She rubbed at her eyes, running her fingers on the ground, disturbing the stone and sand. The grinding noises almost felt comforting, calming.

* * *

><p><em>Hands so many hands, stretching out to her, their pleading eyes begging. Don't leave us to die, those eyes seemed to plead. Cries, so many cries, resonating within the heavy winds swirling all around the battle field. Hawke tries to reach out, tries to grab on of the arms, but it slips away.<em>

_You failed us! You failed us!_

_And the darkspawn keep coming, striding out of the corporeal mist which separated the wilds from Ostegar._

_You failed us! _

_Hawke faltered. A hand grabbed her leg, dragging her down . . . down . ._

* * *

><p>Hawke jerked awake, her heart racing, panting. Another nightmare. Her neck hurt, stiffened. She was laying on her back, eyes facing the still dark sky, Echo sleeping on her chest. Rubbing her eyes, she sat and watched the lake again, her heart rate still increased. She missed her father. She could always go to her father about things, he would have known what to do about this whole mess. She drew her legs to her chest, and wrapped her arms around them. Her father wouldn't just talk, though, she ruefully remembered. He would have used it as a learning opportunity. He loved his swords. Too bad she did not bring any here.<p>

She yawned, gritting her teeth. _Have to stay awake. _All through the night, it was one nightmare after the other. She did not want to dream anymore. Maker, but she was tired. Her lids felt heavy, her shoulders slumped.

* * *

><p>"<em>You can do this, Marian." said her father, a soft smile on his lips.<em>

"_I don't know, father. I am just so tired," she replied, her lids drooping. "I don't know."_

"_Well you won't know unless you try, Marian." he said, a hand patting her brow._

"_Fine, I will try again." she sighed. _

_She knelt down, and grabbed the blind fold she had tossed. Groaning, she covered her eyes once again, holding her arms out before her, palms up. The pommel of a greatsword was placed in her hands, the leather feeling rough to her palms. She turned to her side, her left foot in front. _

_Breathe in._

_Breathe out._

_Her nostrils flared with the scent of leather and wood. She felt the wind pressing against her hands, the gentlest of touches. She almost smelt the apple that was on the fence, she could see it there, waiting for her. She took another breath, reaching that place inside herself. The calming place. The focused place. Nothing else mattered. Emotions didn't matter. Failure did not exist here, only objectivity. _

_She had reached her inner calm._

_She swung in a wide, fast arc, hearing a loud thump as her blade met its mark. Tearing the blindfold off, she met the broad smile of her father. She did it! She finally did it!_

"_Marian, I knew you could do it!" he said, clasping her shoulders._

_Her heart swelled, a smile curving on her lips. None of the dredges of the day seemed to matter right now. She succeeded. She made her father proud._

* * *

><p>Again she jerked awake, but this time, she almost felt at peace, with a delicate trace of melancholy. Her father. How she missed him. It had been three years, and still, she felt his loss. Would he still look upon her with pride in his eyes? Or, would he look at her in disgust? Would he turn away from her? Would he only show her his shoulder? Would he say the words that would break her?<p>

It was still dark out. Just as before, she was on her back facing the night sky. Should she go back into the house? It seemed she couldn't keep sleep away. Echo still slept on her chest, snoring softly. No, she wouldn't disturb Bethany with her nightmares. Bethany deserved a good nights rest. She made her decision, and just watched the sky. Out here, she would not feel suffocated. In her house, she would.

* * *

><p>"<em>You disgust me." her father said, his lips twisted in a scowl.<em>

"_Father? I . . . " she said softly, lowering her eyes._

"_Don't speak to me!" her father growled, his fist curled._

"_I did not see him. I couldn't see him. It was like he wasn't there." she cried, shaking in her sobs._

"_He was your brother, Marian." her father said, voice hardened. "You betrayed your family. You are a disgrace. You failed me! You failed us all. You were supposed to look after them. You were supposed to protect them. Who well protect them from you?"_

"_Father, please!" she cried, burying her face in her hands._

"_No, Marian. You failed. You tried to kill him. Your own blood." he hissed._

_She heard footsteps, and looked up. His back was to her as he walked away._

"_Father!" she cried, but he did not look back._

_I failed._

_i will be alone._

* * *

><p>"Father," she cried, jolting awake, shaking.<p>

Tears streamed down her face, the dream slamming into her with its intensity.

She failed.

She felt it, like the air she breathed. She hurt her brother. Would she ever get past that? The ground was alight with the light of the sun, creating a gleaming illusion within the base of the lake. She jerked up to a sitting position, trying to shake the last visages of sleep.

How could she have done that to Carver? Her little brother. He always would tag after them when her father would train her with the sword. She remembered him sitting off to the side, watching intently. He had been so frustrated that he couldn't join. She remembered when her father gave him his own practice sword when he came of age. Oh, that proud smile on his face. Another tear fell from her eyes, she wiped it angrily.

_Stop crying, Marian. Stop._

"Hawke." said a calm voice directly behind her.

"Raven." she whispered, without facing him.

"Ahh, the joys of sleeping outside by the lake. I envy you." he said, a wistful grin gracing his lips.

"I didn't want to disturb Bethany," she said, dryly. "I wasn't able to sleep, so I came out here."

"Ahh, but it seems sleep found you." he said, tilting his head.

"I guess so." she whispered, stretching her arms out, feeling it in her muscles.

"I am glad to find you here. Would you like to spar while Leandra is getting breakfast ready?" he asked, his eyes smiling.

"I think I would like that." she said, realizing that she could use the distraction to keep her mind off things.

"OK, I took the liberty of asking Leandra for some practice blades." he said, handing her one.

They faced each other, slowly moving in a circle. There was no feints. There was no parries, they just watched each other.

_Wait_.

His wrists made the slightest twist, but she saw it. It was enough. She stepped aside, as his downward slash met empty air.

"Nice, Hawke." he said, nodding. "What gave me away?"

"Your wrists," she said. "There was a slight movement."

"Ahh, I see." he said, circling her again.

His lean muscles flexed as his sword met hers in a downward clash. She blocked it easily, spinning, before slamming his face with the flat of her blade.

He stumbled back, shaking his head.

"Very good, Hawke." he said, nodding his approval.

She gave the tiniest of smiles before circling him again. This time, he dodged a blow aimed for his head, and sidestepped another. He became as a blur, and she couldn't pinpoint where he would strike. She growled, meeting empty air again and again.

"Focus, Hawke. Only think of me. I am your target. I am the only thing that exists in your world. Remember what you told me about how your father said to find your calming place?"

Hawke pressed her lips together, glaring at him. She did as he asked though, she stopped a moment and got her bearings. She watched him and t found that place inside herself that was clear of emotions. It was clear of outside distractions. The only thing that existed was Raven. She actually saw a fuzzy outline of him seconds before he would move, showing her exactly where he would be in the next instant.

She shook her head.

_What was this?_

She concentrated again, seeking that calming point. She saw the fuzzy lines. Taking a chance, she slammed her blade towards the next blur and felt the impact of her sword making contact with his chest, the vibration pulsing up her arm.

"Nice, Hawke!" he said, wincing, arching an eyebrow. "Very nice."

Their sword play went on for the next few hours. They were both gaining all sorts of new bruises To show for all their hard training..He still beat her as often as not.

"Raven," she asked, after being thrown to the ground yet again. "last night, I was not fully myself. I think I was disoriented, but I heard things."

She wasn't sure how to bring this up. She wasn't sure if she should bring it up.

"Yes, Hawke?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

_Better just go to the heart of it_. "Who are you, Raven?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I am . . ." he started. Finally, he sighed. "I am your cousin. Malcolm Hawke was my uncle."

"What?" she asked, her voice rising. "How? I never heard of this!"

"You wouldn't have. Malcolm Hawke left when he was younger. Leandra and his marriage was not . . . accepted." he said, hesitating. "Too much pride, on both sides."

"Pride, how can there be pride on my father's side when you all basically disowned him?" she said, biting her lip.

"Because, your father wanted nothing to do with us either. It was not a good time." he said, and as if reading her mind.

She massaged her temples, her lips curling down. "I just can't dwell on this now. Everything is just. Its hard to think -"

"Marian, there you are!" called Bethany, panting. "I was so worried when I did not see you this morning!"

"I was just sparring with Raven," Hawke said, smiling at her. "I'm sorry."

"Really? Sparring with our dear cousin Nathaniel, huh?" Bethany said, tightening her lips.

"Yes, I found her this morning so I offered her a chance to exercise her muscles." he said, palms out.

"I see," she said, sparing him a glance. She then looked to her sister. "Marian, mother wants you to come and eat."

"Fine, fine," she groaned. She had no desire to eat. She just wanted to stay at the lake, where she could find some semblance of peace. Sighing, she followed her sister.

They reached the house, and Hawke froze, eyes gazing at the door. She looked to her sister then Raven, her heart skipping a beat. Bethany looked at her, her eyes soft. She nodded, her gaze directly on Hawke. Hawke lowered her eyes, swallowing. She waited as Raven opened the front door, ushering the two sisters inside.

_Carver. Can I do this? Can I face him?_

"Marian!" cried her mother, taking her by the shoulder. "Let me look at you."

Hawke waited, eyes downcast, while her mother inspected her, the crease in her brow deepening. Hawke bit her lip, her eyes darting in all directions, except her mothers. Finally, her gaze rested on Carver who sat across from Raven. Still, his eyes would not meet hers.

She felt her lids grow heavy with moisture. She lowered her gaze, staring at the floor. She caused this. She hurt her brother. She hurt him bad. He would never forgive her. She did not deserve his forgiveness. She felt her head start to cloud over again, the numbness once again taking root.

"Marian," she heard, her mother's voice penetrating her fog. "Marian? Are you listening to me?"

"Mother?" she asked, blinking. "I . . . I'm sorry."

"I said, I want you to sit down and eat." her mother said, pushing her towards the table.

Eyes downcast, she sat down, looking at the plate before her. She did not want to eat. She just wanted to be left alone. Did Carver tell her mother yet? Would he tell Bethany? She couldn't deal with their anger right now. Would they be angry? Or Worse?

_Will they hate me?_

"I need you to go to town and see about getting some healing droughts. Many of the merchants have already left. You'll have to go to the Chantry. Carver's side," her mother started. "It would take too long if we wait for it to heal on its own. He can barely walk!"

Hawke's face paled, her lips trembling. She lowered her head, her fingers picking at the meat on the table.

_He can barely walk. I did this._

"Marian, whatever is the matter?" asked her mother.

"She feels guilty." Carver said, his voice steady.

Hawke's gaze shot up to him, her heart racing. He would tell them now. She knew it. She clinched her fists at the table, preparing herself for a new type of agony. She would be alone. She would have no one. He would tell them what she did, and they would judge her. She deserved it.

His eyes.

The way he looked at her when her mind cleared. His fear, she would never forget that.

"A darkspawn's struck me down. She felt she should have had inhuman speed and "saved" me." he said, his gaze finding hers. "You know, Marian, always having to save us all."

Hawke tilted her head, her brow furrowed. She did not understand. What was happening?

"I . . ." she whispered, her voice soft. "I don't understand."

"Oh, Marian. That sounds like you. You were ever blaming yourself, even when you were a child." said her mother, her hand patting the back of Hawke's head. "You were always such a serious child, when it came to your family. Otherwise your sense of humor drove me mad!"

"Carver . . .?" Hawke asked, blinking. "Why -"

"Marian, some things are just out of our control," replied Carver. "In time, it should be forgotten."

Hawke looked down at the table, still fingering the food. She did not understand. Why was he doing this? She hurt him. He should hate her.

"You should hate me," she whispered. "I would deserve it."

"No, sister. I could never hate you. You are family." Carver said, a smile touching his lips. "It just takes time to heal. You will always be my sister,and I will always be the little brother running after you."

"You two, finish your breakfast!" cried their mother. "Imarian, I need you and Nathaniel here to go into town as soon as you can. I don't know how much time we have."

Raven nodded. "I would be honored, Leandra."

Hawke's mother scowled, her eyes narrowing. "Remember what I said to you, Nathaniel."

Raven merely nodded, sipping from his cup. "I shall leave with Hawke straight away. I will be back as soon as possible"

Hawke quickly finished the meal and followed Raven out the door. They walked in companionable silence, each alone with their thoughts.

* * *

><p>Dane's refuge was quiet. In fact, there was hardly anyone in the town at all. Hawke didn't like it. The town had never been active, but this silence was disconcerting. Her eyes narrowed as she looked inside the empty building.<p>

"There is no one here." said Hawke, tilting her head.

"There is nothing behind the counter we could use as well. It has been picked clean." Raven replied, walking towards the front door.

"Guess we go visit the chantry." she sighed, trailing after him.

They were met at the chantry doors by Ser Bryant. His sharp eyes studied them, squinting slightly.

"Marian Hawke." he said, nodding. "I thought you were with the army at Ostegar."

"Ser Bryant, the army fell. I was almost killed by an ogre, but was rescued. I just made it here last night." she said, chewing her lip.

"I see. Thank the Maker you are here then." he said, smiling. It did not reach his eyes.

"Thank you. I am her to see the Revered Mother"

Ser Bryant stepped aside, pointing the way. They walked down the long aisle, towards the room to the right. Inside, she saw the revered mother in prayer.

"Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter."

Hawke and Raven stood a respectable distance while the Revered Mother continued the chant. After some time passed, she finally noticed the two companions.

"Hello, Marian Hawke. I must say, I hoped to see you in better circumstances. But we have to use the tools we are given." said the Revered Mother, nodding. "How can I help you, child?"

"Revered Mother, Carver is hurt. We need healing droughts. Can you aid us?" Hawke asked, rubbing the nape of her neck.

The Revered Mother considered her a moment. "In these times, we must all work together. Ser Bryant and a few contingent have elected to stay behind to ensure Lothering has enough time to evacuate. We need all the help we can get." she said, her dark eyes boring into Hawke's.

"I shall stay and aid the templars." said Raven, before Hawke had a chance to open her mouth. He turned to the Revered Mother. "Could you please aid Carver. He would not make it otherwise."

"Raven-" started Hawke, her heart skipping a beat.

"Hawke, we will discuss this outside." he said, eyeing her. "Revered Mother, is that acceptable?"

The Revered Mother closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Finally, her eyes met Raven's. "These are dark times. I hate that which I have asked of you," she said, bending down. "Marian, please brings these to Carver."

"Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you."

The Revered Mother looked to Raven. "Please go to Ser Bryant and find what he would ask of you." she said, a sad smile playing on her lips.

"I shall," he said, inclining his head respectfully.

Hawke led them out of the chantry, clenching her jaw. Why would Raven do this? To stay would mean death. Why would he endanger himself like this? Why?

"Raven, I don't understand." she said as they reached the door. "Why would you do this?"

"Hawke, some things are bigger than you and I." he said, sighing.

"Raven, if you stay here, you will die!" Hawke hissed, massaging her temples. "This town will be overran. You know this! You remember Ostegar!"

"We will hold the darkspawn off long enough for you to run. Hawke, do not worry for me. It is not my destiny to die here." he said, she almost believed him.

"I am sorry," started Ser Bryant, walking out to them. "Your friend's name, Marian?"

"I am Raven." Raven said, inclining his head.

"I am sorry to meet you in these circumstances," started Ser Bryant. "However, I am thankful you will be aiding us. Our scouts have returned. The darkspawn horde is on the move. The scouts barely made it in time."

"How long," whispered Hawke, paling. "How long before they are upon us?"

Ser Bryant studied her. He sighed. "I am sorry, Marian. We were informed they would be here by daybreak."

"But, that is just a couple of hours away!" she replied, her eyes widening. "There isn't enough time!"

Raven grabbed her shoulders, squeezing. "Hawke, listen to me. Go home. Get your family. Give Carver the healing drought. You must leave. Now! You will still have a couple of hours lead on advance troops. It will just be the head of the force, it won't be the full bulk. You can make it! Do this!"

Hawke looked at him, her head bowed. "Raven, but you. They will overrun you. You will die!"

Raven shook his head. "No, Hawke. Do not worry about me. Run, Hawke. Fly like your namesake. Try heading north – just leave as fast as you can!" he hissed. "I will find you when I can. I wish there was time. I wish I had time explain things to you."

_Explain what things? Explain why you would face near death to save my family? _

Hawke looked at him, confused. "Explain what things?"

He drew her away, to the side of the chantry where they wouldn't be overheard. "Hawke, there is no time to question me. Just hear me. Your family has magic" he started, his finger over her mouth when she tried to interrupt. "No, Hawke, listen to me. Our family has special gifts. Our power comes from the wind."

"Wind?" she asked, brows furrowed. "I remember my father . . . "

"Yes, some of the focus exercises you have shown me is what we are taught at a young age to harness that power. There are many things you should know. Yet, there is no time to show you." he said, running his hands through his hair. "The wind enhances our speed. We fight with speed on our side. We don't tire as easily. Some of us can even control and direct the wind. It takes practice though. There are so few of us left. I will find you Hawke, I promise this."

"I don't understand" she said, confused.

"There isn't enough time to explain." he said, his eyes downcast. "I am sorry."

He looked back up at her, his gaze earnest. "Hawke, I will find you. I found you before. I will teach you, I swear it. But, I need you to run. I need you to leave now. Get your family. Run!"

Hawke looked at him, frozen.

_Leave_?

"Go!" he said, turning her shoulder to the road. "Run!"

And Hawke ran.

* * *

><p>"Mother!" Hawke cried, running through the door. "Bethany! Carver! We have to leave now!"<p>

She ran to carver, handing him the healing droughts. "Carver, please. The darkspawn will be here by nightfall. Raven . . ." her voice caught. "Raven is standing with the templars to hold them off so the refuges have a fighting chance to evacuate. We have to leave now. Take only the clothes on your back."

Adrenaline was all that propelled Hawke now. She couldn't process what Raven had told her. She would leave that for another day. Right now, she had to protect her family. Right now, they had to leave. They had to escape.

"Marian, we can't just go. Everything is here. I need time to . . ." cried her mother, covering her face with her hands. "There is too much!"

"Mother! We have to go. Please, mother!" cried Bethany, grabbing her mother's elbow. "Please!"

"Your father, he is buried here. We can't just leave . . . " Leandra cried, wrenching free from Bethany.

"Father wouldn't want you to die, mother. He would want you to live," whispered Bethany, retrieving her staff from her room.

"Carver, your side?" asked Hawke, swallowing. "Did it help?"

"Yes, sister, it did!" said Carver, smiling.

Hawke closed her eyes, lips trembling. She was so worried the healing drought would not help. "Carver, I am so . . ." she started, tears swimming in her eyes. "I'm so sorry I did that to you."

"Sister, I forgive you. Now, how about we getting our armor on and getting out of here." he said, nodding to the door, clearly dismissing her.

Hawke and Carver returned to the main room, fully enclosed in their armor, their greatswords strapped to their back. Leandra had filled her pack with dried meats. She was certain it would be needed on the journey. Hawke eyed Bethany, noting her staff. They were on the run, surely it would be safe for her to use her magic if the darkspawn came?

They all left the front door, Echo trailing behind. The sun started its downward climb into darkness. They ran. They ran as if their life was on the line.

And it was.

* * *

><p>Carver was exhausted. He had never been this exhausted. He felt as if his legs would fall off if he took one more step. They must have ran for the last hour or so. Will the running ever end? He took a quick glance over his shoulder, worried about his mother. His mother was keeping up, Maker knew how. Adrenaline? fear? Maker knows, he was terrified. He stood back, wanting to be close to his mother in case something happened.<p>

Right now, it seemed nothing would. He did not hear the barking, or the growls, or the grunts that signaled darkspawn. Marian and Bethany led the group, Echo striding beside Marian. He would have the rear. He had to protect his mother.

The road went straight and he knew there would be a fork coming up, where it would turn left or forward. They were in mountainous territory. There was nothing but rock, rock and more rock. His feet ached of it.

He was drained, he had no idea how long he could hold this pace. Thankfully, the pain in his side dulled. There was still a lingering ache, but it didn't take his breath away, as it had thanks to the healing drought provided by his sister.

_Marian_.

He still wasn't sure how he felt about her. She was his sister. He loved her. But, he was afraid of her. He still remembered her eyes. He remembered how she seemed consumed with hatred. Hatred for him. He saw it in her eyes.

_Her eyes._

Maker, he would never forget her eyes, how they had flashed with ferocity. The way she held her blade over her head, her lips curled. He saw death in those eyes. No, he would never be able to erase that from his memory. But the way she looked at him after Echo snapped her out of her madness was as unsettling. She looked defeated. She looked broken. He wasn't scared of her hurting him anymore. He was scared of what she would do to _herself_. The thought terrified him. Earlier this morning, when she walked through the front door for breakfast, he made up his mind. Maker, her eyes had that glazed over look again. She had looked so distant. He had to do something, anything. He had forced himself to meet her eyes.

So he told the family that a darkspawn hurt his side. It jolted her. He remembered how intently her eyes searched his. He hoped he helped her heal. Yeah, he would always be a little fearful of her. He knew what she was capable of. But she seemed to be able to control herself now.

_What if it happens again? If it happened before, it can happen again_.

No, he couldn't think that way. Right now, he had to concentrate getting his family to safety. They were not safe here. The darkspawn had not been sighted as of yet, but he knew their luck would run out. They _were_ coming here. The entire horde. There has been so many at Ostegar. It seemed the more they put down, the quicker another would take its place. How could they hope to fight this? He shook such thoughts out of his head. This was not the place for them.

They were just about to reach the fork in the road when he heard it. The stomps of booted feet shuffling along stone-filled ground. The sounds were coming from ahead and to the left.

_Wait..._

He blinked.

Marian froze, her gaze turning to the left entrance, her shoulders visibly tensed. Echo growled low in his throat, crouching. Waiting.

More footsteps followed as well as the sounds of metal clicking on stone.

"Maker, preserve us!" cried his mother, stepping back, crossing her arms over her chest.

They appeared. _Darkspawn_. Stepping out, slowly, facing them. Low guttural growling erupted from deep within their chests. The creatures seemed to laugh at them, sharp teeth dripping saliva.

He backed towards his mother, shielding her from the monsters. Absently he noticed Hawke doing he same for Bethany. Echo's growls turned into furious snarls as the darkspawn moved closer. There were about five darkspawn in all. Between Marian, Echo and himself, they should be able to take care of it.

Marian bellowed, closing her fists around her greatsword's hilt, her eyes flashing with feral intensity. She leaped into the air, crashing into the darkspawn line with a wide sweep that threw two of them to the ground. Carver dodged an arrow from one of the darkspawn in the back. Noticing that Marian was still engaging the two in the front, he went for the archers.

He sidestepped more arrows, increasing his momentum. Finally he spun, slamming his shoulder into it, causing the darkspawn to stagger backwards. He raised his blade, reflecting sunlight, slamming it upon the darkspawn head. It went down with a grunt. Breathing deeply the thrill of battle, he whirled around to see that the last darkspawn was writhing on the ground, Echo's teeth cutting into it.

It was over. No one was hurt. He chanced a glance at Marian to ensure she was herself. She met his eyes before looking quickly away.

_She knows._

Would the madness affect her again? Guilt threatened to swallow him up, but he held it back. He had to make sure the family was safe. He had to make sure they made it out of this hell. He knew he looked suspicious but she understood. She had to. It was then that he noticed one of the the downed darkspawn was covered in flames.

_Bethany. She was using her magic._

He didn't have time to think about the ramifications of Bethany's actions. They were in the middle of darkspawn infested territory. Her magic would be welcome. He highly doubted she would be stolen from them in these dark times.

"Carver!" cried his mother, her arms covering her head. "We can't. You . . You both fought them. My babies, fighting these horrible beasts. I can't fathom this!"

"Mother, go!" he shouted, taking her by the arm. "There is no time!"

He noticed that Marian had already resumed walking ahead without a word. He clasped his mothers arms gently.

His mother blinked. She looked at him, her lips trembling. Finally, she nodded, allowing him to lead her on.

They ran at a fast pace, trying to outdistance themselves from the horde. They did not run long before he heard Echo's low growls once more.

"Oh, Maker no!" cried his mother, trembling. "I can't . . .These hideous creatures. Oh Maker!"

The darkspawn were directly behind them, closing in on their mother.

"Mother!" screamed Bethany, running towards her. "Mother!"

"Mother!" yelled Marian. "I'm coming!"

He watched as his mother backed away into the stone wall, wide-eyed. She shook her head, rocking back and forth as if to will this nightmare away.

Suddenly, a massive fireball flew past him, straight into the group before they could reach his mother in an explosive whoosh.

Marian roared, contempt filling her voice.

He shivered.

Once again, she charged into the enemy, scattering them, as she hacked her way through any unfortunate enough to be clustered.

He charged, his blade outstretched. He knocked one with the pommel of his sword, stunning it. He noticed Echo jumping on another, tearing its throat out. He absently noticed the pool of blood at his feet. The darkspawn were screeching now. Burning. Bruised. His sisters were thorough, he would give them that. It was over in less than a moment.

Again, he looked to Marian, attempting to catch her gaze. Brilliant blue eyes met his own, and she nodded as if reading her mind. He hated this. He hated that he had to question her sanity after every battle, but it was becoming instinct. He let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. His sister was alright. That would have to be good enough.

"Maker save us, we lost it all. Everything your father and I built!" cried his mother, ripping him out of his reverie. "And you. You having to . . . you shouldn't have to . . . "

"We can't worry about that now, mother," his sister said, clenching her fists. "Lothering is gone. We need to stay alive. That is the _only_ thing we need to worry about, right now."

He looked at his sister, a little confused. She never acted so hard. He half expected one of her witty quips. Instead, she was harsh.

"Marian . . ." started Bethany, trying to get her attention. "wait!"

Marian didn't wait. He watched as she started back on the trail, her back to them, Echo stalking at her side.

"Yes," his mother said whispered absently, her eyes widened. "Listen to your sister."

"Then lets go." said Carver, shadowing his mother as they ran after Marian.

They ran into more groups of darkspawn, he was starting to lose count. It seemed they could not move an inch without hearing the guttural rumbling of those monsters. Yeah, he was exhausted. His arms ached. His legs felt like they would crumble. His hands felt numb. So much running. So much fighting. There had not been a real break in days, and he didn't know when they would get one. The wound in his side began to throb.

"Oh, Maker preserve us." cried his mother, rocking back and forth.

More darkspawn. More death. He tired of it. Fireballs shrieked through the open space, cooking the darkspawn, leaving their scalding bodies squirming on the ground.

He had just pulled his sword out of the back of another foe, when he saw the area was clear - for now. Sweat trickled down his brow, trickling down his face, dripping from his chin. The cold air froze the moisture on his skin. His nostrils flared with saline, the air smelling a mixture of saline and the metallic scent of blood. Except, this was odor wasn't just metallic, it smelt putrid. He wanted to vomit, but he contained himself.

He did not like this place.

He hated this place.

"Wait? Where are we going?" said Bethany, her eyes wide and urgent.

He sighed, striding up to her, his jaw clenched. _Wasn't it obvious? They were moving away from the darkspawn!_ "Away from the darkspawn, where else?"

Bethany rolled her eyes, pressing her lips together. "And then where? We can't just wander aimlessly!"

Marian stalked towards them, a scowl on her face. "As I said, we stay alive." her eyes narrowed, eyeing each of them in turn. "that is the _only_ thing we need to worry about right now."

Their mother jumped, as if jolted out of a nightmare. _This is a nightmare_, he thought wryly. She tilted her head, pressing her lips together, as her eyes narrowed. She finally nodded, a decision made. "We can go to Kirkwall."

Marian looked up at her, her mouth gaping open. "Have you lost your mind? Why?" she asked incredulously, her eyes narrowed. "Why would we go there?"

Bethany looked up, crossing her arms. Her brow furrowed before looking back to their mother. "There is _a lot_ of templars there, mother," she said, emphasizing the word 'a lot'.

Their mother would not be put off. "I know that, but we still have family there – and an estate." she said.

Bethany sighed, her shoulders slumped. "Then we will need to get to Gwaren and take ship."

_If we survive that long_, thought Carver. Going to Gwaren would be a long trip. Could their mother make it? She already looked exhausted, overwhelmed. Could we even make it? They did not know what roads were safe, or if there were supplies to be had. He scowled, shaking his head.

Marian considered her mother for a moment, her lips pursed. "Fine, its as good a destination as any. Everywhere is a danger now."

Once again, Carver was confused. Marian usually vehemently opposed anything that would endanger Bethany. Now she was agreeing to walk into the lions den? He furrowed his brow, gaping. He was about to voice his concerns, but Marian put her finger up, shaking her head to quiet him. His jaw clenched, frowning after her. She didn't give him a chance to address her, she just turned her back again and resumed where they had left off.

What was going on?

His sister was acting so cold.

Resigned, the group ran on, watching warily for signs of combat. Unexpectedly, clashing of metal against metal filled their ears. Their mothers palms went to her forehead, her head shaking as if she could force the sounds away. Marian's eyes however filled with excitement at the prospect of plunging her blade into something, while Echo barks filled the air.

Marian smashed into a few straggling darkspawn that stood away from the main group. She held her sword ahead of her, hacking in a sideways arc, blood trailing along her path. Her lips curled, teeth flashing in a maniacal grin, as she spun and bashed another foe on the back of the head with her sword pommel.

Carver and Echo chased after her, catching any darkspawn left standing while Bethany flung fire and ice from her fingers. His nostrils now widened with metallic burning flesh, the smell making him gag.

He stood a second, gasping for breath, muscles straining. He was spent, he did not know how much more of this he could take. Marian, however, looked like she could go on forever. He shook his head, not understanding. He was in a perpetual state of confusion, his world knocked off its axis. She bounded away, leaving him staring after her.

Clash. Screech. Clash.

Sounds of battle knocked Carver out of his trance. He rushed after his sister, hurdling himself into another group of darkspawn. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw another woman, attacking a darkspawn with only her fists, the tendons in her arm straining against her skin. She was tall for a woman with wild coppery hair that hung just over her shoulders. He watched as her arm muscles rippled with each punch. After slamming the darkspawn on the ground one last time, she stood. Her jaw clenched in cold determination as she stood protectively over a templar who was gripping his side. She was standing ready in a crouch, her calf muscles straining under the effort. The sun reflected the sweat that clung to her forehead, causing her pale skin to stand out.

Marian charged into the group of darkspawn that the coppery haired woman was facing, howling in delirious ecstasy. He shivered. Two of the darkspawn turned at her approach, trying to hold her off with a spiky mace, but Marian cut him down in passing, then bashed the flat of her blade against the other. She raised her blade high over her head, looming over the fallen darkspawn. Carver turned his attention to the remaining foes. He sidestepped an arrow, hearing it whistle past him, as he dashed into the group. He heard the thump of a shield as he ran, followed by the thud of a sword hitting leather. He leaped in the air, his sword in a downward curve, causing his target to falter. It couldn't move, it just stared up at him dumbfounded, as he circled around it, slamming it with the edge of his blade. It screeched, holding its sides as it fell. He grinned, one down, fifteen to go it seemed.

He looked up and saw Marian was engaged with three, constantly ducking or stepping aside blow after blow. Luckily the coppery haired woman pushed into one of the three, slamming it back as her sword dug into the front of another. The stranger jeered at the remaining darkspawn, making a sound between a laugh and a yell of rage.

It was enough.

The remaining darkspawn turned their head towards her. She laughed again, her shield and sword ready. They ignored Marian. Their mouths twisted in rage, guttural mutterings leaving their lips in rapid succession. As one, they charged the Coppery haired stranger. That suited Carver fine, it allowed him to hack through them at their back. It seemed Echo and Marian had the same ideas as the sounds of darkspawn shrieking in pain reverberating throughout the stone walls.

Finally, it was over, his chest heaving. Maker, he was exhausted.

Exhausted. Worn. Tired. Done.

He just wanted it to be over. He wanted this day to be over. He wanted to be sleeping in some bed far away from here. He wiped the sweat off his brow and walked over to the newcomers.

The woman was kneeling down before the templar, talking softly, soothingly. He was clearly in pain, holding at his side. Bethany walked up, wary, but also offering her help.

As soon as she came into the templar's view, he shot up, leaned forward, his shoulder to her.

"Apostate, keep your distance!" the templar growled, his lip curled.

Bethany rolled her eyes, sighing. "Well, the Maker has a sense of humor. Darkspawn, and now a templar. I thought they all abandoned Lothering."

The templar clenched his jaw, scowling, pointing his finger at her. "The spawn are clear in their intent, but a mage is always unknown. The order dictates."

He started to stride up to her, but Marian cut him off, acting as a barrier between Bethany and the newcomers, staring at the templar aggressively.

_Maker, please stay her hand._

"Dear . . . " the new woman said softly, her palms out. "they saved us. The Maker understands."

The templar looked down and away, stepping back. "Of course."

"I am Aveline Vallen. This is my husband, Ser Wesley. We can hate each other when we are safe from the horde." Aveline said, her arms to her side, relaxed.

"You can call me Hawke," his sister said warily, still keeping Bethany at her back. "I thought the templars left with the chantry?"

Marian started questioning Aveline about their retreat from Lothering. It turned out the Ser Wesley was heading to Denerim but returned when he heard of Ostegar, trying to get to his wife. Aveline, It seemed, had also came from Ostegar.

"So, what do you say, Hawke? Should we work together at least until we are clear from the Horde?" asked Aveline.

"As long as you realize, I stand with Bethany." Marian said, crossing her arms, her eyes boring into Ser Wesley. "Can he keep up?"

"Yes, I believe I can." Ser Wesley hissed, taking in a heavy breath. _Maker, he looked like he was in pain!_

"Understood. For now we move with you. North is cut off. We barely escaped the main body of the horde." Aveline said.

Carver felt his heart skip a beat. _North is cut off? _North had been their only chance! They will never make it! They would have to head south, towards the wilds, where darkspawn certainly resided. There was no way out. It was all hopeless. He rubbed his neck, staring at the stone walls, breathing rapidly.

"Then . . . we're trapped! The wilds are to the south! That's no way out!" he said heatedly, echoing his thoughts.

Their mother steepled her hands on her forehead, mumbling something frantically under her breath.

Marian glanced at him over her shoulder. "We have no choice. The darkspawn have us fenced in. We go south."

With that, she walked away purposely, assuming the rest would follow just like Raven once did. _Raven_. What he wouldn't give to have Raven with them now. Raven was the main reason they were able to escape with their lives before. Now, it all seemed hopeless. Even with this new warrior lending her arm. Now, it was bad enough they walked with a templar! But that was wounded. Useless. The templar would only slow them down. But, he knew his sister. She left no one behind, even a templar.

He swallowed, he shouldn't think this way. What was wrong with him? Now he wanted to leave behind someone because they were wounded? Even if that someone was a templar, there was no honor in that! He frowned, this war had changed him. He did not like who he was becoming. What was happening to him? What was happening to Marian? He turned towards Marian, trailing behind her, hearing his mothers quiet prayers spread through the ravine.

They came upon two more groups of darkspawn, relentlessly cutting through their ranks. Luckily they had not lost anyone in the group yet. It almost seemed as if they would make it. The times between combat started to increase so that the group was able to rest. They needed to as Ser Wesley was in so much pain, and his mother couldn't keep up the pace.

They reached a large opening within the ravine. It was empty. The group stepped inside, eyes watching vigilantly. The earth started to shake.

Shaking.

Rumbling.

Carver lost his footing, catching himself at the last second. He heard a roar, and felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand out.

_Ogre_.

The ogre hurled itself towards them, stopping directly behind their mother.

She screamed.

_You will not touch my mother._

"You soulless bastard!" he yelled, attacking the ogre with a sideways arc.

The ogre drew its face down, its eyes enraged. It roared, saliva dripping from its sharp teeth. It glared at Carver, nostrils flaring. Its large meaty fist grabbed him. Carver hung in the air a single second.

"Carver!" cried Marian, he couldn't even see her. Maker he hurt. "Carver!"

The ogre threw him to the ground. He groaned, his head cracking, to the chorus of his sister's screams. The ogre threw him to the ground again, cracking his head like a walnut, before he threw Carver behind him, and Carver was no more.


	13. Page 13

**Author's note**: Thanks to everyone reading, commenting, and following. As usual, I enjoy the reviews.

Also thanks to Arzir for helping me deal with my inability to describe Flemeth's looks. I just cannot wrap around the fact that all of the mages in all of stories have horns! That is insane. So Arzir, I finally just said hell with it and used the description you gave me!

Bert, thanks for discussing stuff with me - you rock!

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><p>Hawke pulled her sword out of from the carcass of another darkspawn. The air thickened, smelling putrid and metallic. So much blood. So much death. She stared down at the corpse, her eyes almost vacant. She felt completely drained. She was tired. Her body was in pain, her arms felt numb, everything ached. She couldn't feel her hands anymore.<p>

It was quiet now except for hearing the others catching their breath, the sounds carrying through the open space. She wasn't the only one exhausted. Her hands went limp, and it was only when she heard her sword clang to the floor did she realize she had dropped it beside her. She flung herself to the ground, still catching her breath. So tired.

She lifted her eyes to gaze at her companions. Carver looked pale as a ghost as he sat in the dirt, arms hanging limply to his sides, eyes closing as he took deep breaths through his mouth. He took his waterskin from his pack, drinking deeply, his chest heaving with each swallow. Her mother looked spent, shaking as she slowly moved to rest beside her son, eyes glazed and distant. Her lips were moving so fast, but Hawke coudn't understand what she was saying. Bethany sat beside her, dark circles hanging under her eyes, staring into space. Her sister was breathing heavily, her shoulders slumping. Ser Wesley's face had a dull gray pallor to it. Wheezing, he sank to the ground, his hand clenching his side. Dark blood trickled from his forehead, seeping down his cheek before dripping down his jaw. Maker, he looked horrible. Aveline seemed to be the only one unaffected by anything except worry. Aveline looked upon Ser Wesley, though, wrinkling her brow. She attempted to pass her waterskin to him, pursing her lips as he pushed it away. Echo sat before her, panting, gulping in air. She ran her fingers through his soft hair, sighing heavily.

They were all spent. She didn't know how long they could go like this.

They were safe for the time being. The addition of Aveline allowed for extra breaks. They needed it, but there was still so much ground left to cover. She wanted to stretch her limbs, lay down flat against the dirt and rock even if it would cut into her skin. She wanted to sleep, and escape to the darkness. She let out a lengthy, low sigh.

She glanced at her brother whose wary eyes were watching her as usual. The entire time they were fleeing, his narrowed glances questioned her.

'_Are you clearheaded_?' his eyes seemed to say. "_Are you in control of yourself?_"

There was a thickness in the back of her throat, as she met his eyes. She earned his suspicion, but it still hurt. He did not trust her. She didn't blame him. Who knew when she would turn on her family. She didn't trust herself. Her chest felt tight, so empty. She circled her knees with her arms hoping to clear away some of that dull ache. She thought of her brother, and his eyes flashing wild with fear.

_Marian stop._

"No." she whispered in a voice so low no one could overhear.

She did not want to think about that. She could not think about that. She took another deep breath, the heavy pang in her heart resonating through her chest. She was supposed to be responsible. She was supposed to lead them! She was supposed to keep them safe. Protect them! Keep her sister safe. Shield her! What would her father think of her now? Her mind was still in a fog. How was she even staying lucid enough to help them run? Adrenaline. That was it. How long could she keep this up? Maker, she couldn't think.

She swallowed.

She had kept herself apart from the group. She only spoke when spoken to. She had to stay alone - she could not let her control slip again. She couldn't even think! She sagged, her fists rubbing at her temples. How could she protect everyone from her herself? She proved to be more dangerous than the darkspawn. _Darkspawn_. She thought of the darkspawn, how she attacked Carver because her mind betrayed her.

His cry when she slammed her sword into him.

_Marian stop._

No! She could not allow herself to think on that. She slumped, feeling heat behind her eyelids. No, she couldn't think of Carver. She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut as if that would chase away the image of Carver's wild eyes gazing upon her with fear.

The darkspawn falling to its knees, white eyes open in horror, crying out with Carver's strained voice.

_Marian! Stop it!_

She shook her head, her pulse throbbing her her throat. Moisture formed behind her eyelids, threatening to spill out. No, she would not cry. She did not deserve to cry. There was no time for her tears. She had to clear her mind. Nothing should matter except getting away. They would die if she could not clear her mind. She would fail again. They _had_ to get away.

_Away from the darkspawn._

"Marian," Bethany seemed to be holding her breath, raising her eyebrows. "we are seeing less darkspawn now. Do you think we are safe?"

"No," Hawke's voice was toneless. She looked to her feet. "nowhere is safe anymore."

"Marian . . . " Bethany swallowed. "There has to be hope."

Marian turned to her sister, her lips pursed. Her eyes narrowed, and her lips opened to spew more poison, but she stopped herself. Her sister still had hope. How could she destroy that? How could she hurt her sister? Why was she being so harsh with her? She rubbed at her eyes. What was wrong with her?

_There is only death in my future_, she thought sardonically. _That is what is wrong with me_.

The darkspawn were coming. They would swarm the land, spreading like a vile disease. They _would_ kill her sister. It was simply a matter of time. Hawke would be helpless, unable to protect her. She couldn't save her. She couldn't save anyone. She would be forced to watch as one by one her family was slaughtered. Like Jason. She couldn't save him. She failed him. She failed everyone.

_You'll do it, won't you? _

The darkness was coming. There was no hope, Bethany was wrong. Her hope was in vain. Hawke's faith in herself was dead. She was broken. Death was coming. Their fate pointed to the belly of a darkspawn. She didn't think she had it in her to even care anymore. Why was she even trying? Maybe it was better not to resist. This was her fate, it was better not to fight it. There was a certain freedom in not caring.

Suddenly, voices from her past whispered within her mind. Memories of her father. Memories of better times.

_There is always hope, Marian, always._

She blinked.

Her father had always said that. Was it really so hopeless? Was she really going to just give up? Why would she give up? She never gave up before. She was confused, so confused. She pressed her lips together. _No!_ She would not leave her family to the darkspawn. To the void with that! The monsters could have her, but they would not have her family. She would keep them safe. That is what she was about, it was who she was! She loved her family. They would not die out here. They would not! She would not fail them.

"_But, you failed Jason." _ spat her conscious.

Yes, she failed Jason. She killed Jason. She was the one who held the blade. She plunged it into him, she knew that. She loved him as well. But, she had to protect her family. She would shield them with herself if she had to. The darkspawn would not have them. Even if she died protecting them, would that redeem her? She doubted it. Nothing could save her.

She looked back to her sister, forcing a soft smile on her lips. "You're right, Bethy," she said, clasping her sister's shoulder. "There is always hope. Always."

She took several breaths, Maker but she was winded. She looked over at the rest of her companions, taking them in. They had to move before the darkspawn were on them again. She turned her gaze back to Aveline. Aveline inclined her head as if she understood Hawke's silent request. Yes, she was ready.

Aveline was a welcome addition, they had needed her shield. She wasn't sure about the templar, though. He was wounded. And he was a templar.

A templar who felt it was his duty to chain or destroy her sister.

A templar that would have no quams with turning Bethany into a mindless shell of a person.

A templar who hated mages like her sister.

She shook her head. She shouldn't think about that right now. At the present moment, they were allies. As Aveline said, they could hate each other when they were safe. If he attacked Bethany, she would destroy him. That was all that mattered. It would have to do.

He was wounded though. Wouldn't it be better to leave him? Even if it meant losing Aveline?

No! She would leave no one behind. She remembered her fathers words. _Protect those who cannot protect themselves_. The templar wouldn't attack her sister. She was certain of that from the look in his eyes when he acquiesced to his wife's wishes. He would not be a danger. She would _not_ leave him behind. She would leave no one behind.

_Except Sam, I left him behind._

No! She would not go down that road. She needed to get them all to safety. She could process everything when they were all safe. They had to move now.

"We need to move." her tone was steel. She paused, before adding her next thought. "Now."

Everyone got up, stretching their muscles. She looked at Carver, noticing that he was breathing heavier than normal, his eyes pressing together.

"Carver, are you hurt?" she asked, looking away.

"I'm alright," he said, tilting his head. "just tired like everyone else."

She looked at him, tightening her lips and narrowing her eyes.

"Carver, you will be of no use in your current condition. You will slow us down and endanger us." she said, her eyes cold.

Carver's eyes widened, lifting his chin in challenge. "I am fine, Marian."

If Hawke heard him, she didn't show it. "Bethany, heal him."

Bethany was instantly at his side. Hawke helped her unstrap his armor, taking a good look at his side. It was badly bruised, turning almost purple. Hawke's gaze drew to the floor, the ache in her chest weighing her down once again.

"Makers breath, Carver," grumbled Bethany, her voice shaken. "What have you done with yourself?"

Placing a hand on Carver's side, her lips started moving in a murmured whisper. A bright light engulfed her hands as she placed it on Carvers side. The light encompassed them both, glimmering into a bluish hue. Carver let out a deep breath, color already returning to his face.

"Thank you, sister," he said, grabbing Bethany's hands.

She reached down and placed her other hand on his, grabbing it with both of hers. She smiled. "Always."

Satisfied that Carver was taken care of, Hawke jerked her head towards him. "Okay, Carver. Aveline and I will take the front. You got the rear."

Carver gave a fake salute. His eyes surveyed her while his thin lips twisted in a sardonic smile. She did not bother to respond to his gesture. She turned and started down the path once more heading south. Towards the Wilds. Towards more death.

A screech . . .

She whirled around, lips curling over flashing teeth. Hawke glanced back over her shoulder towards the back of the group. Her mother stood there, eyes wide and trembling, turning away as she was unable to face what was coming. Bethany turned to her mother, her eyes wide, touching her throat. Carver stood before them in a defensive crouch. They would be alright.

Dark shadows stood at the crest of a rocky hill, walking towards them, slowing coming into focus. They looked down at her group, milky eyes full of hunger, bodies quivering in anticipation of blood. Their primitive looking weapons were stained with blood, fresh blood.

Darkspawn.

As one the darkspawn seemed to glide to them, a strange scraping sound trailed them. One creature in particular moved in front of the group, long robe masking its skeletal body. Pale eyes considered Hawke for a moment, before its lips twisted in a sneer. More guttural grunts as the group of creatures attacked.

The robed darkspawn had its head bent, its staff positioned before it. The air became electricity, she felt her skin crawl. Bethany's wide eyes darted straight for the robed creature. "Mage!" she yelled, her voice heated.

Aveline's eyes narrowed, her lips curled in a growl as she charged the group. The thump of a shield, the clang of a sword as she sent her enemies flying back. Hawke felt her exhaustion fade away, the thrill of battle filling her. She would kill them. She would kill them all. She leaped into the air, the wind seeming to embrace her. This was odd. The wind had been quiet before. Her sword crashed down in a sideways arc, slashing through the line that were in front of her. She loved this feeling, this freedom that rose up into her chest replacing the emptiness that suffocated her. She was like the wind itself, soaring, always moving. Arrows flashed in the air, but they did not touch her. She could not be stopped, not when it seemed her blood was quickened like this.

She spun, evading more arrows flying towards her. More archers and no one was attacking them.

"Carver," she yelled. "archers!"

She didn't check that he was on it. She just knew that he would be. Aveline sneered, a piercing growl from her chest.

As before, the darkspawn froze, their faces turning to the one who taunted them.

One of the darkspawn threw itself on Aveline, swinging hard against her shield, only to stumble forward as she pulled back, as it hit nothing but air. Aveline laughed, making a wide stance with her chest thrust out.

While their attention was elsewhere occupied, Hawke dashed to the robed creature, slamming into it, causing it to waver.

A shrill cry, it spun, smoke filled hand reaching for Hawke. She twisted away, turning and spinning back, slashing it with the flat of her blade. Another feeble attempt by the enemy mage to push her away with its staff.

She blocked the staff as it came down with her sword before skirting around and hacking it on the side. It shrieked and then it was over.

"Marian!" cried Bethany, "Marian!"

Hawke spun, finding Bethany surrounded. Carver was on the ground, a group of darkspawn looming over them.

Echo charged, jumping into the group, dragging one to the ground. Hawke smashed straight into them, hacking in a upward arc. A flash of her blade, and another creature breathed its last.

Another beast growled in anger, attempting to sink its axe into Hawke. Carver, already on his feet, slammed into it from the back, causing it to stagger. He drew his blade up, hacking it on the chest.

Snarling, Hawke drew her sword out of the last darkspawn, her eyes flashing. She rushed to Bethany and her mother.

"Are you hurt?" she asked, looking them over.

"No, Marian," Bethany breathed, gasping. "You got to us just in time."

"Is it over?" their mother asked, her shoulders shaking. "Maker, preserve us. Is it over?"

"It's over, mother," Bethany soothed, her free hand running down her mother's hair. "it's over"

And off they ran. She kept running. And running. She couldn't feel her feet anymore. She kept running. They saw an open area just up ahead, so the group stopped to catch their breath. They did not know what they would meet in the open. They prepared themselves. She hoped that they had broken free of the darkspawn as they had not seen any in some time.

That hope was in vain.

They reached the large opening. It seemed empty. The group stepped inside, eyes watching vigilantly. The ground started to convulse.

Shaking.

Vibrations.

A field covered in blood.

Dead darkspawn lay around the area tossed about, filling the open area with their metallic scent.

She looked up, her legs barely staying upright.

She walked carefully, watching her footing, lest she stumble. She heard a rumbling sound that turned into a full fledged roar. Echo stood at attention, his hackles raised. His eyes were everywhere, growling deep within his throat.

Ogre.

The ogre was massive, a creature of solid muscle and bone. Large stone boulders crashing on the ground near them, causing the ground to shake, preceded its arrival. White frenzied eyes stared at her mother with hunger, its gaze fixated.

_No!_

The ogre hurled itself towards them, stopping directly behind their mother, the force of it causing the earth beneath their feet to ripple. Her mother faltered, toppling to the ground, a scream tearing from her lips.

_No!_

"You soulless bastard!" her brother yelled, jumping in front of their mother, attacking the ogre with a sideways arc.

_No!_

The ogre drew its face down, its eyes enraged. It roared, hot saliva dripping from its sharp teeth. It glared at Carver, nostrils flaring. Its large meaty fist grabbed him, holding him in a vice like grip. She could hear the sound of metal grinding and bone cracking.

_No!_

The ogre held Carver high above its head. Carver's eyes caught hers for a brief second, but there was no recognition, only pain.

_No!_

"Carver!" she screamed, gasping out his name, her pulse racing. "Carver!"

She watched in horror as the ogre slammed him to the ground with a sickening thud. Over and over, her brother crashed into the stone, blood flooding around him. With another growl, the vibration of it ringing her ears, it drove him into a nearby wall.

_Carver! No!_

A roar . . . and it suddenly sprang forward again as if it was an arrow shot from a bow string. Its fists coming down just before Aveline causing her to stumble back from the tremor of the impact. The ogre was already swinging again, causing Aveline to fly past Hawke landing with a thud.

It leaped against the wall, its massive body crumpling the stones beneath its feat. Whipping around to face the companions, it roared, the sound so deafening it caused the surface itself to shake.

_Carver!_

_No!_

She blinked.

A reddish haze enveloped her. It was as if she was there, and then not. Her chest heaved with each harsh breath, her pulse raising. Adrenaline pulsed through her veins, her nostrils flaring with the scent of blood. Her brother's blood. The darkspawn blood. She screamed, the fierce cry forming in her lungs and pushed out with savage intensity. She wanted its blood. She would have its blood. Her hand clenched the pommel of her sword, feeling it as if it was an extension of herself. A great gust of wind pushed through her, wild hair pulling out of her hair band. She felt the wind as it swept through her as if she were born of it. As if she were one with it.

White fire consumed her eyes. So much light, the word flickered, almost blinding her. Her muscles stretched, the ache in them draining. The tightness in her face vanished. Her fatigue was gone. She felt free. Free. Strong. Powerful. She felt the primal need unleash her fury.

Her heated gaze found the ogre, her lips pulling back, teeth baring. She would kill it. It was the only thing that existed. Her world was encompassed by this thing.

She ran at the ogre. She didn't just run. She flashed.

One instance she was by her mother, the next she was leaping in the air, almost flying, her blade striking down, the force of her blow cutting through its shoulder.

The ogre roared, its fist pounding towards her.

She dodged, leaping out of its way. Spinning, catching its side.

With a growl, it reeled, big meaty fists coming down just as she jumped, slashing it from the back.

A beam of white frost struck the back of its neck, turning its shoulder an icy white. It howled, spinning again.

The ogre charged away from her. She heard a scream and then more fire blasting through the air, covering the ogre's back.

Hawke bellowed. She leaped into the air, suspended for only a moment, before her sword hacked into its back mid stride - ripping in a downward slash. It stopped its charge flat, turning back to Hawke.

Foul breath assaulted her as the ogre exploded in rage. A huge fist went down, catching Hawke on the side. Her side burned, throbbing.

The fist went down again, propelling Hawke into the air. A crash and Hawke was thrown backwards, grunting, as she bounced along the ground.

The beast was already bounding forward, its enormous foot drawn back to kick. Hawke rolled over in a burst of speed, but was thrown back as the ground shook again from the impact of its foot to the earth.

She vaulted to her feet, and whirled to face the foul creature. It must die. It must not live. She already could feel the pain in her side subsiding. The energy to kill this thing filled her lungs.

It ran for her, its charge producing tremors under her feet. But she was already up in the air, her huge sword slashing it as another bolt of ice pierced its stomach, forming a icy splotch. It screamed, as her sword made contact, dark blood pouring from its many wounds.

She twisted behind it. Distantly, she heard the sounds of clashing swords, almost carrying through the pounding in her ear. She did not care about anything other than the ogre. Nothing else mattered. She was fixated on it.

Another flash of her sword, another guttural roar.

She fought in a flurried of moments, barely noticing that it slowed down.

She heard a growl, but it wasn't the ogre. She heard a whimper. Echo! No, the ogre is all that matters. The ogre must die.

She caught the ogre on its foot, her sword moving in a forward arc, and it roared and shrieked in pain.

With a jolt, the ogre crashed to the ground, the impact sending vibrations across the surface. She kept her step, slowly striding to the monster as if she was a predator. Her sword held high over her brow, reflecting the light, as she sliced off its head. Blood sprayed, immersing her. She bathed in it.

She blinked.

Her chest felt cold, so cold.

Her vision came back to her, the world came back into focus. The ogre was down. There were also more darkspawn corpses littering the ground.

Her mother was covering a corpse with her body, her shoulder shaking in convulsive sobs. Hawke couldn't make out her words. Her chest tightened, her skin crawling with chills.

_Mother?_

Bethany raced to her mothers side, falling to her knees, shaking her head in denial.

Hawke swallowed.

"No, no please no!" cried her sister, gasping.

_What is going on?_

Aveline was staring at her, her lips falling open. Aveline opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She blinked.

_What is going on?_

Hawke drug her feet over to her sister and mother. Maker, why was it so hard to breath? Sweat gathered on her forehead, streaming down her face. She now stood over her sister, but she couldn't see anything.

"Mother?" Hawke's voice was quiet, her hands trembling. "Mother? What is it?"

Her mother looked up at her, her eyes drawing together. A tight smile that did not reach her eyes formed on her lips, her teeth clenching. Her gaze lowered as her quivering hands pressed down on the body she was clinging to.

"Mother, we have to go. We can't stay here." Hawke said softly, her eyes narrowed.

Her mother's gaze bored into Hawke, her lips trembling, curving downward. Her whole body seemed to shudder, her small hands clenching in fists. A loud wail escaped her lips. Hawke started to put her hands on her mother's shoulder, but it was shook it off violently, her eyes so wide the whites in them showed.

"YOU!" her mother growled, lips pulled back. "You did this!"

"What?" Hawke furrowed her brows. "What is wrong?"

"You did this! This is your fault! How could you let him charge off like that? Your little brother? My little boy?" her mother asked, her lips trembling. "You did this!"

_I did what?_

"Mother?" Hawke asked, her eyes darting around, but still unable to see what her mother and sister were covering.

"You! You were supposed to protect him! He looked up to you! This is your fault, Marian! It was because of you . . " her mother cried, her hands covering her face. Her cold eyes shot back to hers. "You killed him, Marian! You killed him. I can't even look at you!"

"Mother," cried Bethany. "You can't believe that! Please, mother, Carver wouldn't want his sacrifice to cause this? Don't make it meaningless!"

"She did this! He went to Ostegar because of her! He was my Carver! He was gentle! She changed him! If only he had not gone with her, if only she would have just sent him back home, he wouldn't have . . . " her mother said, tears pouring from her chin. "He wouldn't have jumped in front of that monster! He would still be alive! Marian let him die! She let him! She killed him!"

_He wouldn't have jumped in front of that monster!_

Her ears were ringing, their voices fading.

"No, mother, you can't blame her! You can't! She," her sister's voice was shaky. "would never hurt Carver!"

_Carver._

She drowned out the rest of the conversation, she couldn't hear them. Pressure rose from her temples, it felt as if someone had her head trapped in a vice, squeezing. Pressing.

_She would never hurt Carver! _

Carver looked at her, his eyes wild with fear.

_Marian stop!_

Her eyes widened, her heart beating erratically. From her mouth emerged a noise that could not possibly be human, could not possibly be her, so filled with anguish and pain. She was gasping for breath, but air would not come. Her face heated, her pulse beating deep within her throat. She faintly heard a man's voice, and her sister's. She couldn't hear anything.

_You killed your brother!_

She couldn't breath, it wouldn't come. She gasped, no air. Shaking, she couldn't stop shaking. She felt liquid pushing up from her stomach, up her throat as she heaved out her stomach contents. She still couldn't breath, the heat intensified.

_You did this! _

She remembered the ogre. The ogre had Carver in its grasp, plummeting him to the ground over and over. So much blood, his blood.

_No._

She couldn't think. She couldn't move. She collapsed, her feet not holding her up anymore, her shoulders shaking violently, as she continued to spew more and more liquid.

Carver looked at her, his eyes wild with fear.

_Marian stop!_

She killed her brother. She was supposed to protect him, but failed. This was her fault. She hurt the ones close to her. More soft voices, coming closer. She felt a hand on her back, gripping her shoulder but she didn't respond. Her head was buried in her lap, her hands pressing in on her forehead.

_You did this!_

"No," she stuttered, her voice shaking. "no"

It was too hot, sweat clung to her body. She couldn't cool down, the temperature kept rising. Still she she shook, but no tears came. She just squeezed her eyes shut, choking on air. Heat. Shaking. Trembling.

_You did this! _

_You killed your brother!_

She felt hands squeeze under her shoulder, trying to pull her up. She violently shook them off. They tried again, and now she was in a sitting position. Her arms covered her legs, squeezing, rocking back and forth. Her eyes squeezed shut, the force of it causing throbbing aches just below her hairline. She writhed, still choking on air. Her lungs were heavy, it felt as if huge fists pressed into her from all sides.

The army fighting and dying, screams all around her.

She shook her head, the pressure in her temples intensifying. The headache spread to the back of her head, her neck stiffening.

Carver surrounded by darkspawn. She tried to get to him. Everywhere, soldiers screamed.

"No. No" she whispered.

She saw the ogre, it's huge fist plummeting down towards her.

Her lungs burned, as she still was gasping, heart pulsing madly within her throat. She clenched her fists so tight, her nails dug into the flesh.

"Marian, sister," the soft voice of her sister penetrated her haze. "Marian, please open your eyes."

_No. Don't wanna see. Can't see. I don't want to open my eyes to this nightmare._

A soft trembling hand lifted her chin up, while the other combed back her hair, the cool fingers almost offering her relief from the shooting pain flashing through her head. Hawke couldn't open her eyes. She couldn't face the steely gazes, the accusations. She shook her head.

"No," she whispered. "no."

"Hawke," said another voice from further away. It belonged to Aveline. "we need to move."

_You killed your brother!_

"No."

_You'll do it, won't you?_

"Sister, please! Please, Marian open your eyes."

_Please leave me! I can only bring death._

There were so many corpses around her. Looking around, she was neither disgusted or thrilled. She was just exhausted. _Move_? Why should she move? She felt as if a heavy blanket was wrapping around her chest, sucking her energy away. She felt so tired. Her mind was a fog, she just couldn't think. She just wanted to stay here, just lay on the ground. Let the world go to the void, for all she cared. She wouldn't have the energy to lift her eyes to watch, either way. She had failed. She wanted to just sit here on the ground, staring at nothing, forgetting her world exists. It would be easier that way.

Bethany looked at her with widened chocolate eyes. The usual instinct to shelter her sister, to protect her, rose within her. She shook her head to drive those thoughts away, she would only get Bethany killed.

She had failed. She failed to protect Sam. She failed to protect Jason. She failed to protect Carver. Everyone she tried to protect died. Why should she try? She would only fail to protect Bethany. The best she could do is lay here. Maybe she'd slow the darkspawn for a tiny bit. Maybe that would give them enough time to get away. She hoped so.

"Leave me here. It will buy you time." Hawke said, her tone flat. She opened her eyes, half-lidded. "It will be for the best."

Bethany's eyes opened wide, her eyes narrowing. Her eyes darted from Hawke to Aveline and back to Hawke. She opened her mouth to speak, and swallowed. She shook her head. "No, we will not leave you. Marian, I . . . we can't do this without you."

Hawke looked at her, but her eyes did not meet her sister's. "It's better this way. You need to leave. Take mother."

_I would only get you killed, sister._

"Fine," Bethany said, her jaw set. Her eyes narrowed as she leaned in to Hawke, one hand resting on her knee. "fine, then I will stay with you."

"Bethany!" cried her mother, her arms clinching her sister's shoulder. "I won't lose you too!"

Hawke saw Bethany's lifeless body, bloodied and mutilated in her minds eye, as her lifeless gaze was aimed at Hawke's corpse in accusation.

_No._

"No, Bethy. You have to live," said Hawke, her voice soft, her eyes still looking past Bethany.

"Bethany, listen to . . . her." cried her mother, her voice shaking.

Bethany went on as if she didn't notice her mother. "If you stay, I stay. The others can run. I won't leave you," said Bethany, pressing her lips together. "If we're to die, we'll do it together."

_No._

Hawke's eyes darted to her, dazed. Bethany met her gaze, arching an eyebrow. Her sister would really do it. She would allow herself to die just to prove a point. _Maker, Bethany was stubborn_. Hawke pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Aveline, take her," Hawke said, her gaze drawn to her feet. "don't let her stay here."

"No, Marian, you don't get to do that!" Bethany growled. "Aveline, don't touch me."

_No!_

"Hawke, we have to go. The darkspawn are coming!" said Aveline, her voice lifting.

She lifted her eyes again, groaning, rubbing dried blood from her face. The ground near her was scattered with corpses, and the air smelt of blood and rot. Hawke felt a tiny spark of determination come alight inside her chest. That would have to be enough. Hawke couldn't let Bethany do this. She couldn't allow her sister to die. Her family had to get away. She had to try. She had to get to safety, and then she could retreat into her mind. Hawke shrugged and stood, eyes staring ahead. Looking at nothing was better than looking at her mother's accusing stares.

More guttural growls. Echo was again on his haunches, snarling. She looked up and to her right. Tall dark figures were rushing towards them, their crude weapons stretched out before them.

_I didn't move fast enough. I killed us all._

"Maker save us!" whispered her mother, backing away.

"Oh, flames," said Aveline, her voice rising. "We are too late."

Hawke just stared, feeling strangely disconnected. She saw the shadows charging towards them, snapping and pushing each other out of the way.

She sneaked a quick glance at her mother. Leandra's hands covered her face, as she constantly shook her head, backing up.

_I'm sorry, mother._

She glanced at Bethany. Bethany was standing tall, her eyes narrowing, her gaze shouting defiance. Bethany would not give up easily.

_We've ran so long from the templars and now the darkspawn will kill you. The templars would have been more merciful. I am so sorry, sister._

She looked at Aveline. Aveline stood tall, her shield out and ready, her chin held high. Her eyes reflected contempt as her lips sneered at the coming enemy. She would not go down easy.

Echo looked up at her, growling. His back was matted with darkspawn blood, but he held himself steadfast, snarling threatening.

And then there was Ser Wesley. He couldn't stand with out help from Aveline or the others. He was laboriously panting off to the side with her mother, Aveline standing protectively in front of them.

_Maker_.

Hawke growled, her eyes narrowing on the larger foes. Crouching, she waited.

More Shrieks to the left.

Darkspawn were coming on both sides. Dark figures rushed towards them as one giant mass. There was no intelligence or thought to their actions. The only thing she saw in those milky white eyes was hunger, hatred, destruction and thirst.

She met Aveline's eyes, unspoken messages passing between them. They both stepped forward, their swords at the ready.

A vicious inhuman growl echoed around them, she felt her heart race.

Aveline made a noise between a cry and a hiss of hair. Hawke looked at her. Aveline was looking up towards the mountainous peaks ahead of them.

The growl turned into a roar, but she still couldn't see what had Aveline's eyes so dumbfounded.

She froze.

She heard a roar akin to the heavy winds of a tempest, the sound of it causing her hair to stand on ends. She looked up. A lizard-like creature, with its massive leathery wings extended, blocked the sun, swept past them. Its immense jaws opened to reveal razor-sharp teeth.

"Oh, Maker," breathed Bethany. "sister."

"We're done for." whispered Aveline, eyes darting all around her.

"Dragon." whispered Ser Wesley, her eyes widened in awe.

Bethany began murmuring under her breath, her hands glowing with a reddish tint. She was summoning fire.

Fire came.

"Bethany! Get down!" Hawke yelled over the dragon's fury.

Hawke tackled her sister down, leaning over her, protecting her with her body. She tensed, bracing herself for the flames that surely would consume her.

Nothing happened.

She looked over her shoulder, watching as the dragons jaws opened again. A resounding hissing sound pushed out from its lungs. Fire, sheets of fire came blazing from the sky, almost a tower of it, drifting down, engulfing the darkspawn. The dragon whirled around, heading towards a nearby ledge.

_Why isn't it attacking us?_

It circled back, towards the remaining group of darkspawn stumbling over each other, white milky eyes gazing about in every direction. They fell over each other causing the dark creatures to be clustered together. With a shriek, that almost sounded like laughter, the dragon arched down upon them, mouth wide in anticipation.

As the dragon landed on all fours, its claws digging into the surface, a thundering noise echoed throughout the area. The ground beneath her feet trembled as if a giant unseen fist was shaking it, causing scattering dirt and rock to fly towards them. In that instant, Hawke's body lunged forward in a violent blur, barely spinning away from her sister. She heard the squishy sounds as the darkspawn bodies were cut down.

Hawke blindly reached for her greatsword that had fallen to the ground beside her, and stood protectively in front of her sister, dropping into a crouch, her eyes staring into the dragon's golden eyes.

The dragon's lips slanted upwards, almost resembling a smirk, blood still pouring from its maw as it studied her.

Hawke waited.

A shimmering, a whirlwind of light so bright she had to gaze away for a moment seemed to envelop the dragon's massive body. She blinked. The dragon vanished. Instead, an old woman sauntered towards them, stepping through the fire, her hands dragging a darkspawn corpse.

"Maker," whispered Aveline, backing away, her shield out.

Silver hair formed two pairs of horns, each elegantly wrapped in velvet chords; the rest freely ran the length of her back, gently swaying against the wind. Her golden eyes stared intently into Hawke's own. The woman's gaze swept through the group, her head tilting.

"Well, well, what have we here?" the strange woman asked. "It used to be we never got visits to the wilds, but it seems they arrive in hordes!"

_A dragon just turned into a woman. I have gone mad._

Hawke began to laugh. She couldn't stop, it rose out of her in droves. First the templars. Then the darkspawn and now a dragon, except not a dragon. Was she the but of some elaborate practical joke? She did not find it funny, yet she could not stop laughing.

The woman looked at her, an eyebrow inclined dangerously.

"Thanks," Hawke said flatly. "Must be nice to be a dragon"

The woman looked at Hawke a moment, her lips curved, before she turned her back to them. "If you are trying to flee the darkspawn, you should know you are heading the wrong direction."

The woman started walking back from where she transformed, not even looking back.

"Will you leave us here, then?" asked Bethany, her voice shrill.

The woman turned, regarding her a moment. "And why not?" she asked before turning her gaze back to Hawke. "I saw the most curious sight. A mighty ogre, vanquished! Who could perform such a feat?"

Hawke felt the blood leave her face. She saw Carvers face, broken, dead. The ogre tossing him around like a rag-dog. So much blood. So much blood.

_I failed him._

She clenched her jaw, shaking her head. She had to stay in the present. She had to control her fear. She had to . . .

"But now my curiosity is sated. And you are safe, for the moment. Is that not enough?" the woman asked, shrugging.

"We need to get to Kirkwall. Can you help us?" Bethany asked.

"Kirkwall? My, but that is quite the voyage you plan. So far . . . simply to get free from the darkspawn?" the woman's yellow eyes narrowed, considering them once again.

"That is the best option we have." said Bethany.

The woman laughed, shaking her head as she brought her gaze back to Hawke, who was staring straight ahead, eyes glazed over.

"I see, child of the wind, where would you go?" the woman asked, with a knowing smile.

_Child of the wind. What?_

Hawke's eyes darted up, her breath catching. "What? What did you say?"

The woman with golden eyes merely laughed. She then seemed to look past them, her eyes growing distant.

"Hurled into the the chaos you fight . . . and the world will shake before you," golden eyes whispered. "Is it fate or chance? I can never decide."

Hawke narrowed her eyes, watching the woman warily.

"I may be able to help you yet." the woman said, eyes boring into Hawke.

Hawke looked to Bethany. Bethany seemed to let out a breath, the look in her eyes hopeful. She closed her eyes, trying to get her baring. Finally, she met golden eyes stare.

"And we should accept your help? We don't even know who you are," said Hawke, crossing her arms.

"I know who she is. She is the witch of the wilds!" said Aveline, looking up from Ser Wesley, a stern look on her lips.

Hawke looked back to Aveline, when she caught the golden eye woman referred to herself as Flemeth. _At least we have a name_, she thought sardonically. _Its better than golden eyes, I_ _suppose_.

Flemeth agreed to get the group passed the horde if they agreed to deliver a locket to the keeper of a Dalish clan. However, before they set off, Flemeth's golden bore into Ser Wesley.

"Before I take you anywhere, however. There is another matter . . . " she said, her eyebrows raised.

The templar choose that that moment to cough, his hand clutching his side.

"What has been done to your man is within his blood already." Flemeth said.

Aveline shook her head, her eyes widening. "No! You lie!" she said, her voice heated.

Hawke took a closer look at the templar, his eyes glazed over in pain. That is when Hawke saw it. Little spidery veins, black in color, spreading from his throat.

_No!_

She backed away, her lips trembling.

"All that blood," she heard the templar say, hissing in pain. "I knew . . ."

"You can't ask me this, I won't" said Aveline, her voice tight.

"Please, this is a slow death." he said, gasping. "Please"

_No!_

Aveline bent down, bowing her head near his chest. She shook her head, sweat dropping from her brow.

Jason, looking up at her, pain filling his eyes.

_You'll do it, won't you?_

Hawke shook her head violently, covering it with her trembling hands. She felt the world start to darken, spinning. She pressed her hands to her brow, backing up, wide eyed.

_No!_

She heard the squish as Aveline plunged her husband's dagger in his chest, just as she had plunged one into Jason's chest.

_You'll do it, wont you?_

Her shoulders shook, but no tears came forth. She wanted to become oblivious, forget. Why couldn't she forget?

She heard whispers. She thought they were whispers anyways. She couldn't hear anything over the ringing in her ears. She backed up more, closing her eyes tight, trying to block out Jason's face. Trying to block out the templar's face.

_I failed. If we got to Aveline quicker, her Wesley would be alive. _

She felt her legs getting weaker, she couldn't stand on them for long.

_Carver! I am so sorry Carver!_

"No," she whispered. "No"

A hand dipped under her chin, pulling her face up. Fingers gently pressed against her forehead, cool to the touch. She felt heat, heat and cold. The heat spread throughout her body. Her toes started tingling, her mind became even more foggy.

_What is happening?_

She opened her eyes, not understanding, and felt her lids drooping. They were so heavy. She couldn't keep them open. She tried, but she just couldn't. Suddenly, she thought no more. She only felt the sweet bliss of darkness.

_Carver_, she whispered in her mind, _I'm sorry._


End file.
